I love boys. Really, they’re great. Boys are great for many reasons, but boyfriends are even better. They look nice in suits. They smell nice (when they try). They can even be great dining partners. However, some guys really don’t quite understand what being a boyfriend means in present day society. We can’t necessarily blame them, though. Guys probably look around at other guys and think, “Well I’m better than that guy who doesn’t even take his girlfriend on dates.”
Women don’t follow those guidelines. Beyond the surface, many – not all but many – guys don’t understand what being a good boyfriend really is. Luckily for them, we can help them find the correct path to boyfriend greatness. Here are just a few clues you can use to determine if your boyfriend is a dime or a dummy.
If he does these things, call him out on it so that you can try to salvage your relationship!
10. He Doesn’t Answer Your Texts/Calls
I mean quite honestly, I don’t care if you’re a guy, a girl, or a dog, if you possess the skill to answer my phone calls and texts, you better have a real reason if you aren’t responding to me. Also, just pause and think about how cool it would be if your dog could text you… Okay, back to the topic at hand. The point is that I have a zero tolerance policy for ignoring my texts/calls. My friends know this, my family knows this, so if you’re my boyfriend I can be 100% sure that you know how I feel about ignoring me. It wouldn’t fly. Period.
I hear stories about how some boyfriends can go an entire day without answering their girlfriend’s attempts at correspondence but the minute the girl texts to ask if he’d like to come over for dinner, he is suddenly able to respond. That’s not coincidence, babe. That’s just a sign that he didn’t feel the other questions were important enough to give a response.
I get being busy, but that’s not the case in this situation. In this situation your boyfriend is being stupid. He either respects you or he doesn’t, and blatantly choosing to ignore you until you’re interesting or doing him a favor makes him a boy but not your boyfriend. Don’t let him get away with acting like he’s doing you a favor by responding.
9. He Doesn’t Take You On Dates
As mentioned above, this actually is fairly common among young people, which is ridiculous.
Listen, I’m not as high maintenance as this article may make me sound. We can hang out on Sunday, watch football, and drink some beer. In fact, that is exactly what I want to do on Sundays. If you’re my boyfriend you better believe that I want to leave the house with you, on an occasion or two. Going out to bars with your significant other is also a great time, and you should be able to just have fun together. But a date is where the real communication happens. I bet many fights could be avoided if the couple just went out to a nice dinner, got a little dressed up, and talked for an hour or two every week. Miscommunications occur way too often. If you prove that you truly want to spend some quality time with your girlfriend, I bet she’ll really appreciate it, and vice versa!
So women, keep an eye out for the guy that just wants to hang out rather than go out all the time. Does he really like you or does he just like having someone around?
8. He’d Rather Keep His Friends Separate From Your Relationship
I am a believer that in a relationship, the guy and the girl need to have their own friends. I see nothing wrong with that at all. The problem is when the boyfriend not only wants to have separate friends, but also actually keeps you from meeting and spending time with his friends. It’s a thin line, but you know which side you’re on.
Keeping your own friends while in a relationship is just normal. You had these friends before the relationship so you should have them during the relationship, as well. These are the guys/girls that you’ll vent to about your significant other, so they are almost a necessity. Your friends are on your side in a fight, and his friends are on his. That doesn’t mean that you guys don’t go out with each other, ever. If he isn’t inviting you to his best friend’s birthday party or doesn’t ever feel like going out with you, you may have a problem. His friends should know who you are. So make sure that you keep an eye on the thin line regarding friends. If you haven’t met his roommates, maybe it’s time to make it happen. If he thinks you’ll be in his life for the near future, he’ll be happy to have you meeting the other people with whom he spends his time.
7. He Forgets Important Dates
Now, if you’ve been dating your boyfriend for two months and he doesn’t feel the need to take you out and shower you with gifts, that’s normal. It’s a two month anniversary so feel free to post something cute about each other on Instagram, but that’s not an important anniversary if we’re being honest. If your boyfriend doesn’t remember the big ones on his own, though, like the 2 year anniversary, that could be a problem. If it were important to him, you better believe he’d remember. For example, if he can tell you in advance which date his favorite TV show’s season premiere airs, but can’t remember that you guys started dating on March 3rd then where are his priorities? That’s pretty obvious, don’t you think?
Your birthday is also a big one. Don’t hope he can read your mind, but after you mention it a few times it is on him to prove that he made the effort to make it special for you. Don’t let him off the hook too easily if he isn’t making your relationship one of his top priorities. It shouldn’t be that hard to care about your significant other.
6. Doesn’t Understand That Getting Ready Is A Process
This is something a guy will truly never understand so we can’t blame them, necessarily. If your boyfriend is constantly giving you a hard time about how long it takes for you to get ready to go out, maybe he just doesn’t understand you. The exception to this rule is if you take two hours to get ready for every outing because then that’s fair for him to get impatient.
I’m talking about the guy who every time he mentions grabbing food or drinks, he then gives you a hard time about wanting to change out of your sweatpants or throw on some makeup. If looking nice makes you feel confident and happy, he should be more than willing to wait a little bit. Don’t be inconsiderate, though. If he says dinner is at 7 then start getting ready so that you’ll be on time for dinner at 7. He’s not a dummy if you’re being thoughtless.
He should understand if you’re the type of person who takes pride in your appearance, he shouldn’t be faulting you for it. Don’t forget, it’s about how you feel not how you look that matters, but if looking great makes you feel great then go for it!
5. He Acts Like He’s Listening But Isn’t
Being honestly interested in somebody else isn’t always easy because people can be insane. However, this comes down to being considerate, once again. Your boyfriend doesn’t have to truly care about your coworker who is passively attacking you or the fact that your best friend isn’t being as fun as she used to be, but if it’s important to you, he should give it some real attention. There’s nothing more reassuring than when a person you care about shows some real interest in something that you care about. If you bring up the girl from work by name and he says, “Oh, the girl who took your opportunity to impress your boss? What’d she do now,” you’ll probably fall in love all over again.
A boyfriend who truly listens to what you have to say is a boyfriend who will be sticking around for the long term. If your boyfriend only pays attention when you mention dinner, maybe it’s time to reevaluate some things.
4. He Relies on You For Financial Support
Now actually this one may make you the dummy instead of him, but the point is still relevant. If your boyfriend hits a rough patch and wants to crash with you for a few weeks in between apartments, then fine, shit happens.
Your boyfriend should have some of his own ambitions. I don’t care if he wants to be a fireman, a lawyer, or a mailman as long as he wants to be something. If your boyfriend is content with staying with you at your apartment and spending the day riding the couch, then you’re both being dummies.
A relationship isn’t a free ride. You don’t get to stop working so neither does he. If, at some point down the road, you decide to work and he decides to be a stay at home dad, then more power to you. Keep an eye on a guy who can’t pay his own bills, because he may have an agenda for dating you.
3. He Doesn’t Want to Meet Your Family
If you’ve been dating a guy for a decent amount of time and he doesn’t have any interest at all in meeting your family then he’s a dummy. And you’re an idiot.
It’s okay to be a little intimidated by the thought of meeting the family, that’s something that most people probably experience. If he’s a good guy who wants to treat you well, he’ll want to make that known to your parents. In fact, whether or not he thinks your dad will want to kill him, he should still be trying to get invited to spend the holidays with you because that’s what he should be expecting to happen. A good guy wants to prove himself to your family, not avoid their radar.
For example, my sister’s boyfriend (shout out to Daniel) is a great guy. He has gone to numerous family dinners and seems happy to keep attending. Why does Dan give a shit about us? Because my sister does. He knows that it’s important to her, so he makes it important to have a presence at our family get-togethers, and believe me, we aren’t a soft-spoken group.
Keep that in mind so you don’t waste a year on a guy who isn’t planning on being there for the next one.
2. He’s Very Jealous
Your boyfriend is a dummy if he can’t control his jealousy around you. A little bit of jealousy is expected and almost encouraged by some women who like to make sure that their boyfriend still cares. There’s a big difference between your boyfriend wanting to hold your hand around some of the guys in the bar so they know that you are taken versus your boyfriend challenging every guy to a bar fight for even looking in your direction.
Anger management problems are not a joke, and it might be a turn on that he wants to fight for your honor but make no mistake – a guy with too much aggression is a bad thing. Be safe and don’t let his muscles and manliness shade the fact that he may have anger issues. Lose the dummy who thinks he needs to physically fight for your heart, because one day you might be on the losing end of that fight.
1. He Doesn’t Make You Feel Special
Lastly, but most importantly, your boyfriend is a dummy if he doesn’t make you feel special. That’s just a fact. Everyone is special in his or her own way, and we are all meant to date different people. If you have a boyfriend then that means he believes that you are worth his time and effort. You obviously don’t just decide to date anybody and everybody (at least not exclusively), so he should understand that in a relationship, both parties should be honored and appreciate being in each other’s lives. It’s a two way street but if you can’t remember the last time your boyfriend made his feelings clear to you, take a step back. You shouldn’t have to wonder if he appreciates dating you, it should be very obvious that you are his partner in life. If it isn’t obvious then he’s a dummy and you should be single or with someone else.