Whether or not you have a lot of experience in relationships, you probably have an idea of some of the most common reasons for why relationships end. No matter how your relationship is at the time of the breakup, the results of the event can be devastating to your life and your sense of self, even if it was the best decision.
Sometimes the relationships that are the least healthy are the hardest ones to get over, and you need to remember that if you are ever giving yourself a hard time. While some relationships end for reasons that may be easier to digest than others, it is never going to be a transition in your life that you can predict. You can hope that you are able to take this time in your life to reflect on the things in your relationship that you could have done better. Similarly, make sure you take this time in your life to contemplate what it is you want in a partner for the next time, even if it’s something like, “Hey, I’d really love it if this next person doesn’t cheat on me!”
Even though every breakup occurs for different reasons, there are some universal truths that have ended (and will continue to end) relationships from now until the unforeseeable future. These are 10 of the reasons why your last relationship most likely ended, and hopefully it offers a bit of support if it is what you are going through. I hope that for whatever pain you may be feeling right now, you can reach out to the right people to find the love and support that is necessary during what could be an incredibly difficult time.
10. They Cheated On You
First of all, I am so sorry to hear that! May I offer you a sympathetic hug over the internet or, perhaps, some form of virtual ice cream? It is awful when you have your trust betrayed by someone that you love, and I am sorry that you are going through that. I hope you are taking this time in your life to realize that you are still a beautiful person, and it is because you know what you deserve that you were able to take the steps necessary to end your last relationship. This might not always be easy, and you might not always feel desired, but you are still deserving of love and of being with someone who treats you with honesty and respect because your last significant other sure didn’t.
9. You Cheated On Them
Well, that’s not always the best solution to a problem. Why you cheated on your partner may differ dramatically on a case-by-case basis, but a general rule of thumb is that it was unfortunate that there were problems in your relationship where you felt you needed to seek out the physical or emotional attachment of another person instead of just ending your relationship. You can hope that at least your partner, now knowing your actions instead of you lying about it, can start moving on in a healthy way. For yourself, you can hope that going forward you can work on either your communication or decision making skills in your next relationship. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
8. Long Distance
One of the biggest advantages of being in a relationship in 2016, and not 1966, is the role that technology can play in our relationships. With services such as Skype, text messaging, and every form of social media, you may feel like your partner is still right there with you, even if they are not. That being said, technology doesn’t completely make up for the lack of a hug and even the idea of distance can be enough to scare a lot of people from giving it a shot. The advantage of not being in a long distance relationship is that you have the chance find someone that is local, who can give you the love and support that you feel you need and deserve. The disadvantage is that this may have been a relationship that meant a lot to you, but factors outside of it just caused you to split.
7. They “Ghosted” You
For those unfamiliar with the term, “ghosting” occurs when your partner starts to act incredibly distant. They may start to take longer to respond to text messages, or they might not even respond at all. When you start to set up dates in person, they may flake on you or spend the time with you but be totally detached. Ultimately, ghosting is an incredibly mean thing to do to another person and it shows a complete lack of respect. It also shows an alarming lack of maturity of the person doing the ghosting. How do you have the confidence to date someone for an extended period of time, but then not have the courage to pick up the phone and tell them it’s over?
6. They Became Your Roommate, Not Your Lover
I’m going to preface that it can be wonderful once you realize that the person you are dating is also your best friend. What is less wonderful is when you realize that this person has become more of a friend and roommate than a lover. It is important to feel desired and loved. Complacency can set in with too many relationships and cause some significant strains. Similarly, you may start to not feel desired if your sex life is lacking, and that can lead to some ramifications for your own sense of self, which can be long-lasting.
5. You Were Given Clichés
How annoying is it when someone breaks up with you and all you get told is random clichés that you know don’t mean anything. It’s not you, it’s me? Give me a break! Sure, there might be some truth to that statement but that doesn’t make it any easier to hear as you are getting your heart broken. If you are the one doing the dumping, please, take the time to make sure you can outline your reasons for the person with whom you are breaking up. That way they can hopefully get some sense of closure that they may desperately need.
4. You Didn’t Get Along With Their Friends
For many individuals, their friends may be the most important group of people that they keep in their life. It would be incredibly awkward if you are used to seeing your friends all the time, then all of a sudden you never do because your partner and your friends hate each other. This can be a huge red flag. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend so what reasons could they possibly have given to garner such hatred from your other friends? It may be worth investigating.
3. You Didn’t Get Along With Their Family
If you don’t get along with their friends, it will definitely put a strain on your overall relationship. One thing that may push any struggling relationship to the breaking point is the relationship that your partner has with your family. Do you still live at home? It might matter a lot more if mom hates your boyfriend or girlfriend when you are living under your parents’ roof, and not the other side of the country. Family is forever though, and if it is something that your partner values, then you owe it to both of yourselves to put in the effort to have positive relationships with each other’s family members.
2. You Stopped Going On Dates
You can start seeing this happen in a lot of relationships and it may also be indicative of a bedroom that is also lacking the sparks necessary to remain interesting. The longer you are in a relationship, the more you may start to feel like you are getting into a rut and have stop going on dates or dressing up. Remember when you used to try and look sexy for your partner? What happened? It can be awful when you have settled into a pattern that you realized was not healthy until it was too late and you don’t care enough to try. Make sure you set out time in your week for quality you time, and don’t be afraid to have that discussion with your partner if you feel it is lacking. If you are constantly striving to be the best you that you can be, your partner will hopefully be falling in love with you on all of the days.
1. There Was Abuse
One of the biggest red flags (and justifiably so) for many people to realize they need to get out of their relationship is that there is a sign of abuse. While people’s minds may immediately go to physical abuse, do not discredit the impact of emotional abuse on a person, especially over a period of time and being told by someone that you are supposed to love. If you are recently getting out of an abusive relationship, I commend you for having the strength and courage necessary to take the healthy steps. I urge you to remember that there is help in the form of a hotline or center in your area, where you can find additional support if you feel it is necessary.