Parents put up with a lot of crap, both literally and figuratively. And without them, many of us wouldn’t be here today. At the very least, they brought us into the world by getting it on. Hopefully your parents did more than simply birth you, of course; they cared for you, fed you, cleaned you and helped you grow into the charming young lad or lady you are today. Or if not charming, at least socially acceptable.
So needless to say, we love parents. They’re the ones who raise the future generation, and about all we can do is hope they don’t raise assholes. That being said, parents aren’t perfect. But then, who is? And there are some parents who just seem to get on everyone’s nerves. Very rarely do others tell them about it though, preferring to smile and nod instead of telling them they’re an obnoxious twit to their face. Rarely will a friend blurt out, “Will you just STFU up already?” But it’s obvious that some parents take things a little too far sometimes.
For instance, these 10 types of parents. None of them probably meant any harm, they’re just learning like the rest of us. But hopefully they read this article and decide to change their ways – or least be slightly less annoying.
10. The Helicopter Parent
Go to any playdate or birthday party, and you can easily pick out the Helicopter Parent. They’re the one who isn’t sitting down with the other parents, enjoying the “mom juice,” because they’re following little Sally around, watching her every move. They don’t let their child climb on anything they could potentially fall of. Instead, they pick them up and carry them around like some people carry around small dogs in purses. And sliding down the slide? If they let them engage in such a death defying activity at all, they’re at the bottom to catch them. And if another child dares pick on their little prince or princess? Oh, all hell will break loose.
And if it’s all this bad when the child is young, it gets even worse as they grow up. These parents will be hovering around their kid’s social media profiles, liking every status, commenting on every photo and even – at it extreme – logging on to his or her little ones’ accounts when they’re not home.
Examples of a Helicopter Parent:
“@Sarah asked me if she could walk to her friend’s house. LOL #inyourdreams I’ll drive her until the day she moves off the college. If I let her go LMFAO”
“So great to meet @Scotty’s new girlfriend via FACEBOOK. @Cheryl add me, I might be your mom-in-law soon!!!xoxoxox”
9. The “I’m Still Young” Parent
No one wants to get old. And it seems like as soon as you turn 21, the years just start to fly by. One minute you’re getting drunk in a fraternity, the next you’re getting drunk at your wedding and before you know it, the only time you get drunk is after the kids go to bed and you’re alone, hiding in your garage with the bottle you stashed in the box marked “Christmas Ornaments.” Or maybe it’s when the nursing home forgets to check to see what you put in your coffee.
So it’s easy to think, “Hey! I’m still young! Just because I have kids doesn’t mean I have to live like an old person!” And no, we don’t expect you to live like an old person. But for your kid’s sake, you may want to act like an adult rather than like a child. This doesn’t mean giving up fun, child-like hobbies or throwing away your Beanie Baby collection – because let’s face it, you may say you’re going to list all fourteen hundred of them on eBay, but we all know you aren’t ever going to sell those suckers.
All we’re saying is; don’t forget you’re still a parent and stop trying so hard to remind people that you’re young. It doesn’t matter. Grow up.
Examples of the “I’m Still Young” Parent:
“So my hubby and I decided to get tattoos – on our faces! Because #YOLO!”
“OMG, I drank way too much last night #wasted. Should have stopped at the tequila shots! Will someone please watch my kids for me today?”
8. The Alarmist Parent
Did you hear what Dr. Oz said about apple juice containing arsenic? Or that grilled food causes cancer? And what’s really in those chicken nuggets you’re feeding my kid again?
This is the mom who’s constantly sharing articles online about the newest thing killing kids today. Whether it be the food they eat (TOXINS!) or a parenting style that guarantees your darling child grows up to be a serial killer, they’re always the first one to share the latest fear mongering article or tidbit of gloom and doom information. Who needs to look and see if the source is legit! After all, if it’s posted on the internet, it must be true, right?
Examples of the Alarmist Parent:
“GUYS WARNING! Do not let your kids eat breakfast cereal, Dr. Oz says all breakfast cereals give diabetes – PLZ share this if you care about your babies’ well-being!”
7. The Picture Crazy Parent
Not only do you know these people from following them on Facebook – hello 2,000 photos of their baby sleeping – but you can’t miss them at the playground either. Instead of interacting with their child, they have their camera – usually something fancy – or a phone shoved in their face, acting like a paparazzi obsessed with capturing the most scandalous photo of Scarlett Johansson EVER. Except, they act like this to their own child.
These wanna be photogs are so intent on capturing every darling moment, they miss out on so much around them. Not only that, they hinder the child from interacting with things they might want to interact with simply because their parent is always looking for the perfect photo opportunity.
And yes, we love to see your little angel’s photos, but after about ten photos in a day even your little unique angel starts to look like every other chubby, blue-eyed bundle of joy.
6. The HumbleBrag Parents
We all have moments where we pat ourselves on the back. When you do a good job, heck, there’s no reason not to mention it, right?. It’s okay to brag now and then, especially over a job well done.
But humbleBragging isn’t the same thing as simply saying, “I made it into my dream school! I’m so smart!” It goes above and beyond, and takes on a totally new level of obnoxious. Because the point of humbleBragging is to make it seem like you’re not bragging at all. And if you manage to make it look like you’re complaining about your ever so good fortunes in the process, it’s even more annoying.
Examples of the HumbleBragging Parents:
“Ugh. So Gregory vomited all over the backseat of my brand new BMW again. Thank God we opted for the leather seats. LOL the maid cleaned it up – I just can’t handle bodily fluids #momconfession #badmomaward”
“HATE cleaning the pool and this house has TOO MANY bedrooms! Why did I nix the idea of a housekeeper again? Oh that’s right, because I’m not lazy #ROFL”
5. The One-Upper Parents
So your child just made the honor roll and you proudly tell your friend this. She smirks and responds, “Oh, that’s great. Little Maggie has made the honor roll every year since pre-school.” Or you post a photo of your toddler taking his first steps, only to have your sister-in-law ask, “He’s just now walking? Tyler started walking months ago!”
Whatever you or your child does, they or their children have done it already, and have done it better. Bought a house? They bought a bigger, more expensive one in a better school district. But yours is nice too. It’s quaint, and well, home-schooling is probably better anyway, right?
Examples of The One-Upper Parents:
“Lily got her acceptance to community college today, so proud!”
[LIKE] “How nice! My Jake just got accepted into Harvard and Stanford – we’re still waiting to hear from Cornell, but we’re pretty sure he’s going with Harvard, just like his dad <3”
4. The Know-It-All Parents
Little Johnny coughs, and your friend’s eyes get wide. “Whooping cough is making a comeback.” You kindly mention that your sweet angel has been vaccinated and she tells you a hundred and one reasons why vaccines are nothing short of a placebo. Scientists and doctors have been lying to us for centuries. How does she know this? Her aunt is an herbalist and she verified all the facts by Googling them, so you can guarantee they’re right.
Uh yeah – Okay. In many ways, the Know-It-All and the Alarmist are similar, and in fact, they can be one and the same. But not always. Sometimes the Know-It-All goes the opposite route, and they tell you how you’re overreacting. They also tell you why your parenting style is wrong and how to do it right. And yes, if you’re picturing an overbearing mother-in-law type, you’ve nailed it.
Examples of the Know-It-All Parents:
“Did you know that children who go to daycare are more likely to grow up to be psychopaths? I mean, it makes sense – since parents are not involved with their childhood, they simply don’t get the love and attention they need to grow up with empathy. Check out this study…”
“Think your kid has ADD? Cut sugar, gluten and dairy from their diet! Almost all problems can be linked back to the food they eat #liveclean”
3. The Oversharer Parent
The Photo Crazy Parent likely falls into this category, but even when pictures aren’t shared, they’re still saying way too much.
Their overshares are sometimes gag-worthy, sometimes just TMI. And they’re always things we really don’t want to hear about. Pictures or not, some things should never be discussed in polite company – or on Facebook.
Examples of the Oversharer Parent:
“Timmy’s diaper exploded, and he had diarrhea all the way to his belly button. Ugh. I’ll never get the poop out of my fingernails.”
“Hubby and I were so horny, we totally had a quickie while Ashley was napping. But she walked in on us and asked what we were doing. OMG! #AWKWARD”
2. The Complainer Parent
Being a mom is hard, you guys. We get it. You’re fighting tooth and nail to keep your spawn alive. You feed them around the clock. Literally wipe poop from their butts. You do so much. And do the little brats ever seem to appreciate it? Not for most of their lives. As babies, they pee on you and cry all through the night. And toddlers throw tantrums, and as teens – oh we don’t even get started on how teens never appreciate all that you do for them. Maybe once your child has kids of their own, then they’ll understand the yeoman’s work you put in to keep them alive.
And we all need to vent. There’s nothing wrong with a little venting when times are tough and you’re exhausted. But when you publicly post complaints about your spouse and kids nonstop across social media, well – you may become known as a Drama Llama. Especially if you constantly post about how little help your partner is. And if he can read those updates – well, then you’re just a passive aggressive Drama Llama, aren’t you?
Example of the Complainer Parent:
“After taking care of HIS children all day, every day, my idiot husband can’t even be bothered to pick up his socks off the floor? I knew I had two toddlers, but I didn’t know I married one.”
1. The Judgy McJudgerson Parent
This person is always looking down on you. No matter what you do, you’re wrong. Bring cookies to a school party, and they’ll ask if they’re homemade. If you had the audacity to bring store bought cookies, they will scowl at you and pull their kids off to something else. “Sorry, we don’t eat processed foods in our household.”
They’re a lot like the One-Upper, though they’re even one up from that. Their nose is so far in the air, you don’t know how their neck doesn’t perpetually ache. Especially after it supports all that weight from how large their head must be with such an inflated ego.
Examples of a Judgy McJudgerson Parent:
“Why would you ever send your child to public school? Their education is so important, and totally worth the $15,000 a year per kid we pay for our three children. But I guess not everyone values an education the way we do…”