We’re happy you could join us today! But not as happy as you’re going to be, because we have some tips that could potentially help you out. Maybe you’re in a nice relationship, but you have no idea how you got there or what is making it nice. Everyday is like walking on eggshells for you, you wonder if one mis-step could be the last one you take (in the relationship, anyway). Maybe you haven’t ever gotten that far, never making it past the second date. Or maybe you’re not even getting a first date!
Regardless of your situation, this list will outline the most common mistakes guys make, particularly when it comes to members of the opposite sex. Females are the notoriously tricky half of the human population. Many a man has lost his confidence (and his mind) trying to navigate the waters of female behavior. Like the sirens from mythology, these men are lured by beautiful songs and sights of gorgeous women, only to end up dashed against the rocks.
Instead of sinking like those poor sailing sods, try getting a clue! A good place to start is this list. How convenient! Feast your eyes on the glory that is: 10 mistakes guys make…all the time.
10. Why You Askin’ So Many Questions?
Ok inspector, first things first. Why are you asking her so many questions? What are you trying to get to the bottom of, huh? A very common problem guys have when they approach women for the first time is the chronic question-asking. “Where are you from?” “Where do you work?” “What do you do?” “Where did you go to school?” “What’s your email? What’s your social security number?” Alright, so most men won’t go that far, but it helps illustrate the point.
Asking too many questions can be really off-putting. It’s like you’re interviewing her, and no one wants to be interviewed for no good reason!
9. Nice Guys Finish…With the Rest of the Pack
Don’t get us wrong, being nice is not necessarily a bad thing. Being too nice is where the problems come into play. Instead of bending over backwards to accommodate a new woman in your life, treat her like a human! Treat her similarly to the way you’d treat a friend. Joke with her like she’s your sister. Tease her. Get her to appreciate your interactions, and know that you aren’t just putting her on a pedestal. Trying to be way too nice is boring. It also gives the impression that you’re “kissing up” to her. The last thing you want a girl thinking is that she is out of your league, and if you are overly nice, that may be exactly what she thinks, and it won’t be good.
That being said, it also doesn’t benefit to be a jerk!
8. Don’t Delay, Approach Her Today
Hesitation is a killer. It ruins everything. It’ll diminish her confidence in you. And it’ll diminish your confidence in yourself. And you will start overthinking everything. From there it is a downward spiral into perpetual loneliness.
How do you avoid that? As soon as you see a woman you’d like to talk to at a bar or some similar location, you have to walk right over and say “hello.” If you hesitate, even just 5 or 10 minutes, her impression of your confidence could diminish, thus diminishing her entire impression of you. By walking right over, you don’t give yourself any time to doubt what you’re doing, or over think your actions.
7. Touch and Go, Touch and Go
There’s a big, awkward moment that guys yearn for and dread simultaneously. It can make your hands slick and your mouth dry. It can make your heart beat and your breath catch. It’s the big first kiss. An exciting moment, to be sure, but it can be a ton of pressure figuring out when to go for it. The best play? Build up to it. Make physical contact with her from the very beginning. Use light arm touches when you’re telling a joke or making a point, or take her hand to get through the throng of people at the bar. By building up the physical familiarity early and often, you remove some barriers to the first kiss. It will feel like a logical next step, instead of a leap of faith.
6. Don’t Be an Ignoramus
And don’t ignore her friends, either. Her entourage could make or break your experience together. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. If she’s getting advice from her closest gaggle of girls, she’ll listen to it. That’s why you need the advice to swing in your favor! Don’t barge in like a hungry lion, looking to separate a darling calf from her herd. Instead, walk in as the lone bull: genuine, funny and confident. Make friends with her friends, compliment them, include them, and it will pay off for you. Show them that you’re a worthwhile time investment and that you’re fun to be around.
5. Oh Lawd, Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Do you know about The Animals? Eric Burdon? No? Great classic rock band, look them up. Anyway, in one of their songs they sing “I’m just a soul whose intentions are good/ oh lord please don’t let me be misunderstood.” It’s a great song, and it has a good take away: It’s really easy to misunderstand a woman, and it’s easy to be misunderstood yourself.
When it comes to understanding women you’re better off looking at the big picture. Don’t get hung up on each specific moment. Ride the wave. It’s too easy to get caught looking at negative patterns and missing all the good stuff that’s happening. Treat your relationship like it’s a huge mural and remember to take a step back and keep your eye on the bigger picture.
4. This Song Isn’t All About You, Man
You’re one cool dude, aren’t you? We can dig it. So can a lady, but you have to know where to draw the line! Make sure that you give her your time and your attention. Alone time is important, and working hard and making that jack is important too. But if you put all your time into alone time and jack* time (*not to be confused with “jacking it” time), that’s all you’ll have. As in, you won’t have any “you and her” time anymore because she’ll be gone. You have to learn to balance the way you spend your time. And when you’re with her, really be with her. Don’t just browse facebook next to each other.
This goes hand in hand with point four. Indeed, it’s basically an extension of the point. It is easy to hurt someone by giving them the impression that they’re taking a back seat. Anytime you’re putting something else in front of her, she’ll feel it. Balance it out by planning something nice to do with her, keep shifting your focus back and forth.
Same goes for putting other people before her. This act might be felt even more acutely by your partner. You have to hang with your boys, but if you skip hanging with her one night to hang with them, skip hanging with them the next time to hang with her. Or, better yet, just include everyone. Try bowling.
2. Trust, Who Needs It?
This is huuuge. Trust is huge! A relationship does not work without it. It doesn’t. Those relationships are toxic, draining, and detrimental to your emotional health. Men tend to think logically first, and women tend to lead with their emotions. What can happen with this combo? Men can be slow to accept an official relationship mindset. If your prospective partner thinks you’re dating, and you think it’s a very open, not official at all kind of thing, you could end up in some hot water. That’s why communication is important. It doesn’t matter how logical you are if you never convey what you’re thinking. The best way to build trust is to take the guesswork out of everything and talk. Figure out where you both stand, you’ll be better off for it.
1. Remember To Appreciate Her
This is a critical point. It nods to a lot of the other points we talked about. Basically, men have the propensity to ignore the value that specific women bring to their lives. If you can’t appreciate her, you’re going to lose her. Sometimes men get in the habit of taking relationships for granted, or just checking it off the list like getting into a relationship was some task to complete. Really though, the best kinds of relationships are synergistic ones. A relationship is best when both partners are supportive, they challenge each other, they comfort each other, and they laugh with each other. If you’re not consciously appreciating the value she brings to your life, you’re making a big mistake!