When I was younger I attended a Catholic elementary school. My sexual education could be summed up with the phrase “do not do it.” Abstinence was the key to having a healthy life and sex would be something you engage in after marriage. While that was my stance for several years, when I did decide to engage in sex I made sure I did my research beforehand.
Nobody really knows what they are doing the first time they have sex, you just kind of hope for the best. Despite the hours of Googling, things still may arise that are unexpected or awkward. No matter what issues may come up, nothing will be worse than if you and your partner are unable to communicate any concerns. The more relaxed you are towards sex (but still careful, protection is not overrated), the more comfortable you both will start to become with your own bodies and sense of self.
Sex can make you feel incredibly desired and attractive, if it is engaged in a way that makes you feel that way. Unfortunately for many individuals, they miss several key steps when creating a healthy sexual experience.
There are common sexual mistakes, mistakes that far too many people make. So do not feel bad if you show up here somewhere, just remember that sexuality is an ever-expanding topic. You and your partner(s) will grow as a couple, and as a result, what you liked on month 1 may be different from what you like after 5 years. The only way to make sure you are satisfied in 5 years, is to make sure you can communicate your thoughts on sex clearly. You owe it to both of yourselves to have sex be a source of confidence in your relationship, and it is never too late for that to happen.
10. You Were Unable To Maintain A Rhythm
Nothing is worse than feeling like you guys are finally getting into a groove, and then the other person starts pounding like a jackhammer out of nowhere. Nobody wins there! Porn may have instilled the notion that you need to go fast all of the time, but that is really not how reality needs to work. Make sure you are communicating with your partner during the session on what speeds each of you are currently feeling. It may also seem like instinct to speed up as she gets closer to finishing, but that is very rarely the case. Make an active effort to try and realize that the only ‘bad pace’ to have during sex, is a pace that is making one of you uncomfortable.
9. Your Nerves Prevented You From Communicating What You Wanted
It is completely normal to realize that sex can be a nerve-wrecking topic, especially at first. One important thing to consider is, if you are not able to have a proper conversation about sex, how can you expect to be mature enough to have sex? Perhaps you read something online that you think your partner would really like. That is great and shows fantastic initiative on your part, but that never comes to fruition if you do not communicate it to your partner. This can also lead them to feeling like certain techniques work, when it reality you are displeased but unable to bring it up.
8. You Thought Foreplay Was Overrated
It really isn’t. Just because you do not always see the importance of oral and foreplay for both partners on your favorite adult site, does not mean it is not important in real life. Foreplay can be a huge part of intimacy and closeness to one another. Sexuality does not need to be exclusive to just the physical act of love. If you skip foreplay entirely, you may leave your partner feeling like you only just want a quick lay. Foreplay can also be critical in making sure that both you and your partner are properly prepared for sex. Without any foreplay, you run a much higher risk of pain or serious complications for both partners
7. There Was An Issue And You Got Upset Instead Of Communicating
The worst thing about refusing to address sexual areas that are sensitive to talk about, is that they never get resolved. Say for example, after a long and stressful day at work you are unable to perform in bed to your usual level of vigor. Instead of you and your partner discussing why, or deciding that it was not a big deal, you instead get into a fight over it because it’s a sensitive topic. That solves nothing, and instead leaves both of you upset and gun-shy towards the area of sex. Without any resolution, it is very possible that your next intimate session may also contain with it a great deal of anxiety. Instead, if issues happen (and they will eventually), but you communicate them calmly, you may be left feeling amazed at just how helpful your partner is.
6. You Only Had One Position
It’s not a bad thing to mix it up once in a while! Sex is great fun, but it can become routine if everything is the same, every time. It can be a great confidence booster for both you and your partner to experiment with different positions to see what works the best for you. Exploring different positions can also be an excellent way to strengthen your communication as a team. A huge mistake is feeling like just because you got one position down, that there is no need to explore further. There are certain positions that can be done that make both partners feel like they have an active role in the session.
5. You Were ‘Lazy’ And Unwilling To Change
You can suggest all the positions in the world, but if your partner is close minded, it will not go anywhere. This laziness can be evident both during the act itself, and in regards to their overall level of enthusiasm. Are they giving foreplay, but you are just receiving and not giving? Are you nervous about suggesting new positions and that’s why it is hard to initiate conversations? A mistake is feeling like it is one partner’s responsibility to do the research necessary to keep the sexual chemistry new and exciting. It is a responsibility for both of you to put the time and effort into exploring your own sexuality, and as a result it will be both of you that benefit.
4. You Faked An Orgasm
Who wins when you pretend to be experiencing pleasure when you really are not? Absolutely nobody. The gentleman feels like he has learned a new technique to please you, and you get to…be impressed you fooled him? Faking an orgasm is indicative of a relationship that is failing to communicate properly. If he is doing something you do not like, why are you not able to tell him that? Are you faking an orgasm so the session will just hurry up and end? If so, then what can you both be doing to make your sex life more satisfying? If you find out your partner is faking orgasms, it can also be incredibly damaging to your own sense of confidence. It is completely acceptable to have a sexual experience and not have an orgasm, what is not okay is deceiving your partner.
3. You Didn’t Use Lube
For those people that think lube is overrated, think again. It really isn’t and it can make the entire experience more enjoyable and less awkward for the both of you. It is hopeful as well that the more things you have that make you prepared (such as a condom),the more you and your partner will have discussed the implications of sex. Others may feel like lube is not necessary because they rarely see it being used elsewhere. Your girlfriend is not an adult film star. Take the time to make sure you are both warmed up for sex, and lube can be monumental in making that whole process easier.
2. You Didn’t Look At Or Interact With Them
It can be awkward for some individuals when the actual act of intercourse is going on. Do you talk to them? Do you try dirty talk? Maybe just talk about the weather? Pro tip, do not talk about the weather. An inexperienced partner is one who lacks the confidence to interact with your partner throughout the session. Say you love them (provided you do), hold them, kiss them all over. Make sure that intercourse feels like a connection between you two, and not like two robots learning to hug. If things get awkward, you want to be with a partner that also makes it okay to laugh and take sex as something that you will learn to experience together.
1. You Assumed Every Person Was The Same
It can be a life-shocking moment when you realize that your super smooth move that worked on your ex-girlfriend of one year, does not work on everyone. Every person is different and may require different techniques to reach an orgasm. Other individuals may never reach one, but what is important is that you are communicating openly with each other. If you are so rigid in your mindset that every session needs to be the same way, then you are never going to expand sexually and that’s a depressing thought for both of you. The longer you are with someone, the more you should also feel open to mixing things up so it can be great to just learn from the get-go that everyone likes different things and that in itself is a wonderful thing.