When it comes to relationships, there is no real way of knowing if the first person who you fall in love with will end up being the person who you marry. This is especially true when you consider how many individuals develop their first love at a fairly young age and marry that partner, and it is largely the type of love that is talked about. While fairy tales would suggest to us that it happens all the time, that is not the case, and several people only find the person who they are supposed to marry after they have been tossed through the ringer a few times.
As exciting as love can be, it can also bring on many negatives. There are disadvantages that are going to pop up if you marry your first love, but it doesn’t mean there are not advantages as well. Not only is that person, logically, the first person you’ve dated, but it is also the first person you’ve loved and they’ve seen you go through all the ups and downs that accompany life.
There are great parts about that, and like everything in life, you cannot receive the good without some of the bad too. These are the 20 realities of marrying the first person who you ever fell in love with.
Let’s start with the advantages…
10. You Know The Person Incredibly Well
Wouldn’t it be nice if it was just a guarantee that you would always know your partner very well before getting married to them? Sadly, that is not always the case and as a result you see far too many marriages crumble for reasons that really could have been avoided if they took their time. An advantage of marrying your first love is that it is a long-term love, and someone that you probably grew up alongside. There can be a sense of trust in one another that is incredibly hard to shake if you have seen them through every stage of their life.
9. It’ll Feel Fun
Is this going to be the best decision that you ever make in your life? Well, you need to hope it is. But if it isn’t, then at least that feeling of being swept off your feet and so in love that you need to marry this person could be an incredibly exhilarating one. You wouldn’t be getting married if you didn’t think your partner and this relationship was fun. Since it’s your first love, you can be pretty confident that you also think they’re a pretty neat person and that this won’t fade away.
8. You Love Them More Than You’ve Loved Anything
This should always be true in your relationship. If you are with someone and you love them, I cannot imagine a reason why you would ever think that you loved your past relationships more than your current one. When you get to stand up on the altar and marry your true and first love, you know that this is the only person on the planet that you have shown your vulnerable side to and that’s a great feeling. It can feel almost like a little exclusive club if you know that you and your partner were each other’s first for everything.
7. They’ve Seen You Through Life’s Stages
When it comes to a long-term relationship, one of the things that should be inherent is the overall support that you feel in regards to your partner. The longer you are able to stay with your first love and turn that love into marriage, the more life events you will have gone through with your partner. That is confidence that you just cannot shake and can be incredible in helping motivate you to take leaps of faith as you go forward with your future.
6. You Can Relate To Popular Media
This one may be a little tongue in cheek, but everyone wants to be able to have that classic storybook romance story. You know who fits in perfectly in that story? Your handsome neighbor Jack, who you loved your entire life and started dating when you were 16 years old. There is just something comforting in knowing the amount of love and openness that you have shared with one another. Sure, you might be a bit confused when characters are going through a breakup, but just imagine how sad you would be if your partner wasn’t around.
5. You May Feel Extra Strongly
There is something that can always be said for your first partner. With it may come these extreme feelings of love, especially when you know all your love in this lifetime has been saved for this one person. It’s one thing to have a great date. It’s another thing to have almost every date feel incredible, partially because it is your first love and that makes all the feelings that much better!
4. You Have More Shared Memories
This is something that just has to go with the territory. The longer you are with your first love, the more shared memories you guys get to experience together. Similar to them seeing you develop through the stages of life, marrying your first love may mean that you end up recalling more times together than times when you were apart. That is something that is insanely cool.
3. You Don’t Have A Crazy Ex
At least you need to hope not! If you have fallen for and married your first partner and they did the same for you then this removes the chances of having a crazy ex come back into your life to mess up your day! It can be really comforting to know that your partner’s entire dating history is yourself. This may not be realistic, especially if you are searching for your first love at an older age, but that doesn’t mean you stop appreciating not having crazy exes as you get older.
2. You May Inspire Your Kids
This one may seem like a bit of a stretch, but given my life experiences, I know it is not. My parents fell in love, got married and have built a tremendous life for one another. When I would get down in the dumps about not having any romantic interests, it reminded me that sometimes it really only has to happen that one time. You may feel like you’re missing out by not experiencing that love for multiple people, but don’t ignore the tremendous feeling of knowing the example of love that you show to your friends and family if you can stay in a healthy place.
1. You Don’t Have Any Relationship Baggage
There can be a nice sense of ignorant bliss when you are falling in love and have the chance to marry your first love. Some people have issues from past relationships that they bring to their current one and, while it is not always intentional, it can be damaging. Does your partner have really bad trust issues? Well, maybe they’ve been cheated on by all of their partners. If you and your partner are each other’s first love, you should hope that part of what makes that love is the trust that you’ve build. It’s nice to know you could live without your partner, but it can be even nicer to know that you’ll never have to.
And now on to the disadvantages…
10. You Won’t Know If They Are Bad In Bed
One of the biggest disadvantages of marrying the first person you loved, is that this is also probably the only person with whom you’ve slept. That can be great if it’s an amazing experience every time, but is it? Sure, there are some telltale signs, such as orgasms, but one of the biggest pitfalls can be if you have only been with one person and they have never exactly rocked your world, but you don’t know any better and just think that is what sex is like. At least dating around beforehand allows you to also perhaps sleep around a bit and get an idea of what sex is all about.
9. Are You Together For The Right Reasons?
This might sound like a silly question off the start, but it is one that every relationship needs to ask itself and those who are getting married are far from immune. If you are marrying your first love, you need to make sure that you are not marrying the person because you were always content, yet never thrilled to be with that person. It can be amazing to be with someone for such a long time, just make sure you are together because you fell in love with them this morning and every morning, and not just once 10 years ago.
8. Missed Experiences
Missed experiences may immediately bring your mind to the bedroom, but that is far from the only missed experience that you may feel if you find yourself marrying your first love. What if you have only ever been with this partner and you guys have never had a breakup? That’s really wonderful but you also never got to experience the true feeling of a breakup. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing until you realize that your best friend or future child is hurting and you don’t know how to completely relate to them.
7. Your Sense Of Identity
When it comes to first loves, it is not shocking to hear that people often describe them as being incredibly passionate and all consuming. Yet it may feel a little bit different if you have been with the same partner since you have both been 16 years old. You grew up alongside each other, but did you really grow up as an individual? Your overall sense of independence and freedom may be something you constantly call into question if you feel you have always been in this relationship. Make sure you are still actively searching out activities that make you feel like you are growing as a person.
6. What If They Aren’t Right For You?
I know that I have found the person in my life that is my ideal partner (aka my girlfriend) and one thing that makes me sure that she is the right person for me is that I went on several dates with people that I thought could be the one, but I was wrong – very wrong in some cases. You can have more confidence in marrying your first love if you have been out in the single world and are still aware that your partner is without a doubt the best person in the world for you.
5. You May Get Married Earlier
This is definitely a point of contention that would absolutely differ in every relationship. For some, they may realize that marriage is not something that was ever in their future. If it is though, let’s paint a picture of you falling in love with your high school sweetheart. You’re together at 16 years old, you date through university, and then get married after graduation because logically, that’s a realistic timeline. This may leave you being married before you are old enough to be sure of what you want in life. I’m not saying you aren’t the most mature 23-year-old around, but maybe marriage is something that isn’t worth rushing into. How can you rush into marriage after a 7+ year relationship? Well, perhaps, because most of your relationship was spent developing into an adult and once that was done, now you’re all of the sudden married. Talk about adding some potential stress to a stressful time of your life.
4. You May Miss Out On Living By Yourself
This is something that not everyone is going to experience in their life, but I am sure that those who do will say that living alone can be a huge part of your own sense of independence and growing up. At the very least if you find yourself single at the tail end of what was a serious relationship, you will probably be looking for a new place to live. You may start to learn all kinds of things about yourself that you were not aware of before, things that you need to have independence to discover. This may be a scary thing, but it may also be beneficial.
3. How Much Do You Really Love Them?
Throughout this list I’ve been making references to your first love, also being someone that you have loved for a long time, but what if it isn’t? It’s very possible that there are people out there who are getting older, and thus may be more impulsive to jump the marriage gun the second they feel something that might represent love. Make sure you love the person, and not just what they represent to you.
2. You May Have Different Libidos
This is different from just having sex that is not satisfying. Sexuality is a major component to making sure that you are in a relationship that is healthy and fulfilling. It can be absolutely impossible to try to decide if it is worth ending what you once felt was your first ever love because your libidos don’t match. That first love is probably not going to be something that happens slowly and perhaps you’re already very in love with them when you realize that your libidos do not match up. This would have been something that would have been a lot clearer if you had been able to explore your sexual identity further.
1. Do You Know How You Handle Conflict?
Every first love romance story is going to be different, but it may be very possible that you have fallen into a relationship with your best friend at a young age and since that moment everything has been peachy keen. That’s wonderful but do you know what is not wonderful? Not knowing how your partner handles a stressful situation because your relationship has been so smooth that you guys have never truly tested your communication skills until you were married. It can sound silly to say that fighting is important in a relationship but being able to have healthy disagreements absolutely is. Make sure your first love is not an idealized version of the person with whom you cannot handle conflict.