Most people love desserts. To put it in simple words, the whole point of the final course is to make things as delicious as possible. However, while desserts are typically used as a reward in most cases, there are certain catastrophes out there that are best served as cruel punishments!
To most people in the west, desserts are all about cookies, cakes, ice cream and a whole lot of other sweet-tooth favorites. This in no way means that different approaches to how desserts are prepared are kept off the table worldwide. There are certain desserts served in different parts of the world that I would personally describe as part of a menu from hell, considering how badly they have been spoiled by the people concocting them. Here’s a list of a few desserts from around the world that can never fit into our preconceived notion of what a dessert should be, irrespective of how delicious they might be:
15. Vinegar Pie
Yes, I know the first thought on your mind right now is, “oh, this pie must have just a small splash of vinegar or something.” BIG FAT NO. It is literally a custard pie that is flavored with vinegar. Why on Earth anyone would invent such a concoction is clearly beyond me. To be honest, on all the lists of “things that you should never use to flavor a pie” around the world, vinegar seriously has to rank really high!
To put it in simple words, this dessert is literally what its name implies – it honestly doesn’t need any other explanations. Believe it or not, but vinegar pie happens to be one of several pies that have come around to be known collectively as “Desperation Pies”. If that doesn’t tell you everything that you need to know about this disgusting pie, I don’t know what the hell on Earth would!
14. Kitty Litter Cake
Are you interested in preparing a cake for a cat lover who has a good, yet equally sick sense of humor? Or do you simply just want to gross the f**k out of the guests that you so desperately hate attending to? Well, this kitty litter cake is just what you need to be able to do so – and trust me, it will gross out anyone you serve it to!
Although the cake does not have any actual litter or litter box contents, the fact of the matter is that it looks frighteningly realistic. I mean seriously, why the hell would anyone want to eat a cake that looks horrifyingly like a recently used litter box with all of the fixings? Yes it may be a good pick for Halloween and people say it tastes really good too, but gosh, it’s just gross, right? Why would anyone be interested in eating anything that resembles their pet’s poop?
13. Rotten Cheese Platters
I personally think people only choose cheese platters as dessert when they try to act all high and mighty and “oh I’m too good for cake” – you aren’t, and if anything, you’re just ruining dessert for the rest of us. And you know what’s worse? When they continue to deliberately choose between cheeses that are not only NOT dessert-like but totally gross as well.
For instance, there’s Casa Marzu from Sardinia – a cheese that is so disgusting that it has actually been banned. Also known as maggot cheese, rotten cheese and a person’s sign of no self-respect, Casa Marsu is prepared by means of a finely metered fermenting process that does not follow any standard sanitation procedures. To put it in simple words, when you have Casa Marsu, you will basically be consuming cheese that is literally garbage – and you’re pretending it’s a delicacy. GROSS!
Pancakes should be labeled as a form of hybrid meals. Why is that so? Well for the simple fact that they are a dessert hidden under the “breakfast food” guise, deliciously served together with jam, golden syrup, cream, Nutella and at times even fruit to give it a more “healthy” appeal. I mean honestly, how much more deceptive can a meal get?
However, things work differently when you’re living in Sweden or Finland. This is because the Vikings concocted a type of pancake known as blodplättar – one of the most disgusting pancakes that I have personally ever come across. For those who don’t know, these are pancakes prepared using dark molasses and pork blood. Served only in Sweden and Finland, this dish contain whipped blood and a number of other ingredients. Similar to black pudding, blodplättar is a tad bit thinner, crispier and typically served with reindeer or pork meat.
11. Lamprey Pie
Lamprey pie is on the menu on Game of Thrones, which actually says a lot about how disgusting this particular dessert must be – that’s because this is all that the show has excelled at over time. For those who don’t know, the lamprey pie is prepared using a baked eel-like fish and is set in cool syrup before being covered with a large raised crust. Fish in a cool syrup, I believe that goes a long way in explaining just how “eew” this dessert really is!
The lamprey pie has long been considered a delicacy by Europeans. For the record, it was also the official coronation pie prepared for Queen Elizabeth II. Oh and if you think it is a bit of an acquired taste, don’t forget the fact that the Europeans, at one point in time, also thought it was cool for people to have rotting teeth – just sayin’!
10. Ambrosia Salad
If anything, trifles happen to be the best dessert ever known to mankind even though this may be because of the alcohol content. But no matter the case, why would anyone want to mess up so badly with it? Especially to the point that it becomes nothing but disgusting.
If you want to listen to my definition of ambrosia salad, it’s like someone ate up all of your favorite flavors and then threw up back up into a bowl and named it a dessert that you SHOULD enjoy. The dish is prepared using sour cream (yuck), pineapple (duh, it just goes together, right?), pudding (highly questionable), mandarin (acquired from tins) and coconut (are you serious?). All in all, it is nothing but a curdled mess – and let’s not forget, IT IS UGLY AF! Ugly to the point that I am going to lose all traces of respect for anyone who calls this disaster delicious!
9. Fruit Pizza
Don’t you get completely ticked off when you throw in a red sock into the wash with your whites and everything turns out pink and completely ruined to the core? Makes you want to pull your hair out doesn’t it? So what made anyone think that creating a food equivalent is a good idea is clearly beyond me! Seriously, who wants to eat all that pile of colored mush?
Fruit pizzas are basically a combination of two perfectly amazing dishes on their own for the creation of what can be labeled the Frankenstein of all culinary experiences. This particular dessert lacks a fundamental understanding of what pizzas are all about and have no respect whatsoever for desserts. Anyone who can call this “pizza” should be thrown in jail. If anyone tries to serve you fruit pizza, that’s a major red flag and you should consider cutting them out of your life forever.
8. Lobster Ice Cream
How can anyone want to have seafood in their ice cream? For f***’s sake, are these people in their right mind? In Maine, the lobster capital of America, and Massachusetts, it is fairly normal for people to order up a scoop of lobster ice cream – yes, ice cream that is lobster flavored. For the record, this disaster of a dessert actually consists of real Maine lobster that is cooked, picked, buttered and folded into a buttery vanilla ice cream. How disgusting!
I can’t believe the fact that people actually consider this real food. There are certain places that lobsters just don’t belong to and ice cream is one of them. Honestly, just don’t combine lobster and cream – it isn’t going to end well for heaven’s sake! Imagine how horrible it must taste – lobster folded in buttery vanilla ice cream. EEW. What the hell? That’s such a no-go area for me!
7. Stewed Fruit
Hot fruit? Who the hell on earth wants to eat or serve hot fruit? To me, this particular dessert is nothing but a pile of mush that is prepared when you just don’t have the strength to go the extra mile for a proper dessert!
Prior to advancements in storage technology and GMO, a lot of good food continued to be lost to age. In order to deal with the situation at hand, our ancestors cooking the life out of every single bit of fruit that they could find. Also known as compote, stewed fruit is actually old fruit that has been brought to a boil with a mountain of sugar thrown on top of it to make it a bit edible – yes, a tad bit edible, because there’s no way anyone can stomach stewed fruit without that extra sugar. Not only is it not healthy, it is disgusting in terms of its appearance and taste as well.
6. Red Bean Cake
A delicacy in Asia, this disaster makes extensive (or excessive?) use of red beans in the form of paste that is frozen, sprinkled with sesame and cut out into small squares. However, there are other variations of this dessert as well that involves mixing mashed red beans with gelatin which is later cooled and cut out into small squares for serving purposes.
Now, how can anyone find something made completely out of red beans enticing is clearly beyond me. I just don’t get it. There’s NOTHING exciting or remotely delicious about red beans and these people have literally gone on to make an entire cake out of them. How do you even serve it? Do you just go, “Hey, I’m going to serve a cake to you that is made out of red beans, looks like a bloody disaster and takes yucky”? And when served, how do people actually go on to eat it? Disgusting!
5. Lardy Cake
Also known as lardy Johns, lardy bread, fourses cake and dough cake, this cake is actually a traditional rich spiced form of bread that is prepared in several southern counties of England. The cake is a popular weekend tea cake in places in Berkshire, Sussex,Wiltshire, Dorset and Hampshire.
So what is it that makes the lardy cake so disgusting? Well, just the fact that it contains rendered lard as its main ingredient is enough to make any sane person puke. Apart from that, it contains raisins, currants, spices, sugar and flour. Lardy cake can be eaten at any time of the day as a snack, but it is mostly served in the afternoon with tea or coffee. If truth be told, the cake is abnormally sweet and rich and the pig fat actually makes it disgusting. It is prepared by layering thinly rolled dough with all the other ingredients mentioned above.
4. Green Dysentery
Served at Taiwan’s vomit-inducing Modern Toilet restaurant, green dysentery is basically a shaved-ice dessert that is bound to make you throw up. If truth be told, just about every food item served at this restaurant is YUCK considering that it is delivered in toilet-shaped bowls.
Now, about the ‘green dysentery’ dessert that is served at the Modern Toilet restaurant. The ingredients of the dessert are in no way as strange as its name – nothing too shocking about the ingredients to be honest. It is prepared using kiwi fruit sauce, but if you go for the bloody-looking version of the dessert, it will be colored red using strawberries. Oh and there’s a chocolate version of the dessert as well that has been named, “diarrhea with dried droppings.” If you can get past the disgusting names and stomach this dessert when it is served in a toilet-shaped bowl with poop-like workings all over, hats off to you. Seriously, I fail to understand how anyone can have this disaster of a dessert and enjoy it!
3. Sussex Pond Pudding
A traditional English pudding, the Sussex pond pudding originated in the South East county of Sussex. This particular pudding is prepared using a suet pastry that cases a whole lemon together with butter and sugar. The entire pastry is boiled or steamed for a few hours. Over the years, this extremely heavy and rich pudding had lost its appeal, but the British chef Heston Blumenthal revived it.
Now, what makes this pudding so disgusting? Well, just the fact that when you cut it you’re going to find a ton of lemon and orange peels inside it is enough explanation. There is literally NOTHING about this hollow shell of a pudding that sounds, tastes or looks good. Also, the filling ingredients form a thick, caramelized sauce while cooking. When cut to serve, the ‘sauce’ runs out and pools around the plate, thereby creating a bit of a pond there. Now if that sugary, lemony and orangey sauce floating all around the plate isn’t disgusting, I don’t know what is!
2. Fungus Toe Cookies
Believe it or not, there’s an entire genre of food that is prepared in the form of human body parts. If anything, this particular genre of food is definitely going to give you a bit of thing for previously innocuous limbs and appendages. Not only does it look appalling, there is no way on Earth that anything of this sort is going to come within inches of my mouth!
On a personal level, I will lose every inch of respect that I have for anyone who puts one of these cookies in their mouths. Honestly – all your respect will be out the window and splattered over the sidewalk below. How can anyone consume one of these? It’s just so disgusting – and anything that looks so outright appalling can’t taste good, right? So how anyone can enjoy this disaster of a dessert is something that I will never be able to understand!
1. Spotted Dick
Gosh, just the name of this particular British pudding is enough to make one want to puke. Spotted dick – who the hell on Earth would want to think of spots on a dick while having dessert? Just the thought of it is just yucky!
Now for those who don’t know, spotted dick happens to be a British pudding that is prepared using suet and dried fruit. In most cases, the British prefer serving it with a dollop of custard. They make it using a flat sheet of suet pastry that has dried fruit sprinkled over it. Once done, the suet pastry is rolled up into a circular pudding. So why was it given this particular name? Well, I don’t know about the dick part, but I do know that the dried fruit gives it a ‘spotty’ appearance. Perhaps the use of the word ‘dick’ is because the suet pastry is rolled in the Swiss or American Jellyroll style – I honestly can’t think of any other explanations!
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