It’s hard to believe that Seinfeld has been off the air for 15 years. Terms that were coined on the show such as “close talker” and “re-gifter” are still met with a smile even to this day. Seinfeld filled the airwaves with nothingness for 9 seasons, and it was marvelous. It was a very simple show to understand, some pundits would even say too simple.
But within the 9 seasons, Jerry inexplicably manages to date a constant stream of beautiful women, some of them bombshells! It’s actually painful to imagine that some of them aren’t going to make the cut. This list will certainly merit some scrutiny among all red blooded males. Here are the top 15 hottest women Jerry dated!
15. Jodi (Jennifer Coolidge)
Jodi, played by Jennifer Coolidge, was also known as “the masseuse.” For whatever reason, she outright refused to give Jerry a massage, which is what he really wanted (rather than sex). As Jerry explains: “It’s like going to Idaho and eating carrots. I like carrots, but I’m in Idaho…I want a potato.” He resorts to tactics such as forcefully putting her hands on his neck, and goes as far as dimming the lights, lighting candles and playing sensual music as she walks in his apartment with her massage board. She was still having none of it and made it clear she doesn’t respond to forced massages. It should also be noted that George was dating Lisa Edelstein in this episode (and got dumped, of course).
14. Ellen (Christine Taylor)
Ellen, played by Christine Taylor, was portrayed as perfect in every single way. But red flags went up for Jerry when he realized she didn’t have any friends and he started to fear she may be “a loser.” Kramer and George share the same suspicion (George referring to someone as a loser, oh the irony!). Finally, Jerry’s parents meet her and vehemently approve of her in every way. This was the last straw for Jerry, because if his parents thought she was perfect, then there had to be something seriously wrong.
13. Donna Chang (Angela Dohrmann)
Jerry and Donna met on the phone when her phone line got crossed with George’s. He managed to score a date with her (only Jerry could pull that off). He was so excited to meet Donna Chang because he had never dated a Chinese girl. Much to his dismay, her name was actually “Donna Changstein” and she shortened it. Jerry ponders if this is simply a coincidence, or does she actually think she’s Chinese? Throughout the episode she portrays Chinese stereotypes, such as having an interest for acupuncture and mispronouncing words, notably referring to the word “ridiculous” as “ridicurous.” Jerry finally blurts out: “You know, you’re not Chinese!”
12. Laura (Marlee Matlin)
Jerry and George were attending a tennis match, and Jerry was just infatuated with the line judge played by Marlee Matlin (George was more infatuated with the hot fudge sundae). He tried to get her attention and she kept ignoring him. She finally turned around and sarcastically asked if she was deaf. To which she replied: “bingo!” George is convinced that his girlfriend Gwen, broke up with him because she saw him sloppily eating the sundae on TV. Laura has the ability to read lips, and George comes up with the bright idea to bring her to a party to read his ex girlfriend’s lips to see what she’s saying about him. Gwen starts to converse with a man, and Laura springs into action, signing out the whole conversation while Kramer (who apparently knows sign language) reports to George. Kramer messes up one of the signs and says “sleep” instead of “sweep” and George goes on a rant, and ultimately gets poked in the eye and topples over a table. Another relationship thwarted for Jerry by his friends.
11. Dolores (Susan Walters)
Jerry didn’t have the foggiest idea as to what her name was. All he knew was that it rhymed with a female body part (Mulva?). Whatever her name was, this mystery woman was very attractive (and still is). The episode is dedicated to Jerry avoiding saying her name, but also trying to figure it out at the same time. He resorts to tactics such as searching her purse and having his friends introduce themselves. She finally corners him and demands him to say her name and it was game over for Jerry as she stormed out of his apartment. He suddenly remembered her name, but it was too late. “DOLORES!!!”
10. Marla (Jane Leeves)
Jane Leeves is mostly known for her role as Daphne on the show “Frasier,” but she also played the role of an extremely attractive Brit named Marla on Seinfeld. Jerry hired her to expand his closet space and they ended up dating but the x-factor here is that she was a virgin. Jerry really had a knack for saying the wrong thing before coitus was imminent…and of course this time was no exception. He divulges that he, George, Kramer and Elaine were in a contest to see who could last the longest without “gratifying” themselves. She was scandalized and ended up with John F. Kennedy Jr.
9. Claire (Sarah Peterson)
This episode represents all kind of weirdness, so naturally it’s a personal favorite. Jerry and George imagine a scenario in which the stomach of Claire makes sounds during the night. They imitate the sound by singing “HELLLLOOOOO, La La La,” in an deep, exaggerated tone. Claire finds out about this and is obviously insulted. She then gives Jerry an ultimatum, their relationship or the voice. Jerry hilariously chooses the voice over her (words cannot do it justice). He finally gives it up and gets back together with Claire because George and Kramer are tired of the voice. The episode ends with Kramer testing out his oil tanker bladder idea as he drops a rubber ball full of oil off the top of Jerry’s apartment which lands directly on Claire’s head. Jerry tried to warn her to move but she ignored him because she thought he was doing the voice again.
8. Rachel Goldstein (Melanie Smith)
People may disagree with having her this high on the list, but she was very underrated. She was gorgeous and lasted two more episodes than most of Jerry’s girlfriends. As an added bonus, she walked in on George naked after he was in the pool, and the term “shrinkage” was officially coined. Jerry and Rachel had a tumultuous run, including an incident where Newman caught them making out during Schindler’s list. It was anticlimactic though as they’re breakup was rather mundane. She informed Jerry that she didn’t think they should see each other anymore, which he was fine with because things always even out for him.
7. Patty (Lori Loughlin)
It’s okay to admit it, we all thought the same thing when Lori Loughlin was portrayed as Jerry’s girlfriend: “what is Aunt Becky from Full House doing on Seinfeld?” Her character and storyline as to why they broke up actually wasn’t that intriguing. She accused Jerry of bottling his emotions up inside and demanded that he get “real angry.” He was reluctant at first, but then started to like it a bit too much and used his new open personality as an excuse to be a jerk. We’ve seen Jerry do a lot worse.
Regardless of the subpar storyline, Lori Loughlin is an ageless wonder, stunning in any role she plays. She continues to slap father time in the face to this day.
6. Gail Cunningham (Anita Barone)
This episode had a different dynamic to it. In this case, the relationship and break up had already occurred. Jerry points her out, and claims they previously dated but he broke up with her because she refused to kiss him goodnight after three dates. She ultimately ends up with Kramer who claims “she’s wearing him out.”
Jerry is obviously miffed but cannot cut ties because he and George need a favor from her. The president of NBC refuses to take their calls but they know that he often frequents the restaurant that Gail is a chef at. She agrees to let Jerry and George know the next time he comes in so they can corner him…on 1 condition. Elaine has to give Gail her shoes, the Botticelli’s!
5. Nicki (Danette Tays)
Nicki did not have a big impact as Jerry’s girlfriend and is somewhat forgotten among Seinfeld fans. In real life, Danette Tays is also kind of an afterthought as she hasn’t been involved in many notable shows or films. This is rather baffling because she is stunning!
In the episode, she uses her ravishing good looks to get whatever she wants. Jerry obviously takes advantage to get whatever he wants, including obtaining tickets to a sold out movie and getting out of a speeding ticket. Ironically, Jerry loses her to Todd Gack, a guy Elaine is dating, who is the founder of the “dating loophole.”
4. Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus)
Elaine, played by the gorgeous Julia Louis-Dreyfus, may seem like a confusing choice to casual fans, but the back story of Jerry and Elaine’s friendship revolves around the fact that they dated before.
A funny storyline revolving around that idea is when Jerry learns that Elaine was “faking” during their time together. He then demands another chance leading to more ridiculousness between them. To discuss all their different stories together would take a list of it’s own, so let’s just accept the fact that she was a knockout then and remains a knockout now.
3. Meryl (Courteney Cox)
Courteney Cox…where to begin. It was par for the course to see “The Sein” overachieve with the ladies, but this portion of the list is where business officially picks up.
Meryl poses as Jerry’s wife in this episode to obtain a 25% discount on dry cleaning. The two of them end up having fun with the idea of being married and eerily start acting like a married couple. Jerry eventually cheats on her with a girl who’s in financial peril so that she could use the discount too… Cheating on Courteney Cox, way to go Jerry.
2. Sidra Holland, (Teri Hatcher)
Not only did Teri Hatcher go out with Jerry Seinfeld, but she got dumped by him, and then got back together with him because he changed his mind. This instance does seem kind of unfathomable and would only happen in the “Bizarro world.” But as we know, Seinfeld is fond of the Bizarro world. Here’s how it all went down.
Jerry originally dumped Sidra because Elaine got it in his head that she had breast implants. He maintained that he could deal with a fake personality, but not fake breasts, because you have to draw the line somewhere. Elaine later discovers that her breasts are real when she slips in the sauna and ends up grabbing them for balance. Jerry suddenly had a change of heart but Sidra ultimately realizes that Jerry and Elaine are friends and surmises that they are in cahoots. Her parting words: “by the way, they’re real, and they’re spectacular!”
1. Tia Van Camp (Jennifer Campbell)
Tia Van Camp will go down as the best looking woman Jerry Seinfeld dated in the 9 seasons of Seinfeld. Naturally, he blew it.
Jerry and Elaine were on a flight heading back to New York, and there was a situation where one of them was to be bumped up to first class. Jerry was the needless volunteer. He ended up sitting next to Tia Van Camp, who was portraying a super model. The two instantly hit it off for the entire flight and exchanged numbers in the airport as the paparazzi was snapping pictures of her. Elaine was also at her best in this episode as she got stuck in coach and had a hilarious flight.
Jerry and Tia meet up the next episode and seem to be getting along again…until she caught Jerry in “a pick” at a red light. Her cab pulled up next to Jerry while he was at a red light, and he was seemingly picking his nose. She was horrified and spent the rest of the episode avoiding him.