As the race for Presidency approaches its final turn, every politician out there waits like a kid at Christmas to find out not only who will get the nod for his respective party, but who that candidate will choose for his (or her) running mate. Barring any epic, New York Yankee-style collapse, it is a safe bet that Donald Trump, aka “The Donald”, will get the Republican nod. Therefore, one can only imagine the notorious list of would-be Vice Presidential candidates that might tag team with Trump in his quest to “Make America Great Again.”
Surely, any possible running mate would need just the right blend of thick skin, mental acumen, and, quite frankly, arrogance to partner with Trump. And there is one man, above all others, who fits that mold and would be the perfect Vice President for The Donald: Vince McMahon. It sounds outlandish, but if The Terminator can be governor of California, then one of the best heels in WWE history can become America’s #2 in charge. And with that, here are the Top 10 Reasons Why Vince McMahon Should Be Donald Trump’s Vice President.
10. Economic Growth
In all seriousness, both men have built multi-billion-dollar companies from the ground up. Therefore, it is pretty clear they both have some ability and knowledge when it comes to stimulating economic growth and prosperity… at least, no less than any of the other candidates anyway. Granted, there may end up being a Nike swoosh logo or the golden arches of McDonald’s emblazoned on the Lincoln Memorial because they sold the naming rights, but if it makes sense economically, neither would hesitate to strike such a deal. As the saying goes, you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.
If you thought there was drama in Washington before, then a Trump-McMahon tandem would raise the bar to unexplored levels. Who knows what would happen? One week, the two are working together building the Great American Empire; the next week, Vince is turning on The Donald in the middle of the Rose Garden. Perhaps the following week they ambush Harry Reid or Nancy Pelosi in the halls of the Capital Building. Maybe they even channel their inner Undertaker and try to make a human sacrifice out of Hillary Clinton. The possibilities are endless. Whatever the storyline, however, one can rest assured that politics in this country would forever become the ultimate spectator sport as neither Trump nor McMahon waits for dull moments.
In most conflicts, you are only as strong as your weakest link. Having a solid back-up is crucial to ensuring success (or at least preventing a solid ass-kicking). That’s why, when The Donald gets in to his first conflict with North Korea, he will at least have a muscle-bound Vince to come in and hit Kim Jong-Un with a chair when the negotiations get heated. Think of Vince McMahon as the ultimate wingman in this regard. And God forbid something was ever to happen to The Donald, the good citizens of this country could take solace and comfort knowing that, not only would they have an equally aggressive leader at the ready, Vince would exact the sweetest revenge possible if the situation called for it. This duo just needs a great tag team name. The Conglomerate, anyone?
7. The Entertainment Factor
Let’s be honest, whether you love or hate either of these two men, the White House would never be lacking for a sound byte with this ticket. Even now, when Trump speaks, whether he is ruffling the liberal media’s feathers or calling out Hillary Clinton on her latest jabs, he sounds like he’s giving a teaser for Monday Night RAW. Add a little bit of “Vinny Mac” to the equation and it is a formula for non-stop, albeit indulgent, political entertainment. And who among us, even just once, would not want to hear the D-X theme song instead of “Hail to the Chief” played upon Trump’s entrance, or hear Jim Ross yelling “Oh my GOD! What did they just do?! They just sucker-punched the Surgeon General!!!”?
6. State of the Union Address at Wrestlemania
This would embody the true definition of “epic” so much that it has to stand on its own. Nothing says “shut up and listen to me” like the biggest presidential speech taking place at one of the biggest pay per view events of all time. Picture this: after the National Anthem concludes, the lights come on to reveal President Trump standing behind the presidential podium in the middle of the ring at Caesar’s Palace. During his speech, Trump calls out everything and everyone (from Al Sharpton to endangered species) that stands in his and Vince’s way of ‘making America great again.’ The camera then pans in on Vice President McMahon’s protruding iron jaw as he nods in agreement with every one of The Donald’s words. As the speech turns to addressing global terrorism, Trump gives his best Hulk Hogan “whatchya gonna do, ISIS, when the United States runs wild on YOU?!” The pair then kicks over the podium to uproarious cheer, flex their muscles, and give the camera the John Cena “You Can’t See Me” hand wave.
5. The Hairstyles
The Coif and the Cut. With the events of WrestleMania 23 (when Trump shaved Vince’s head) a thing of the past, the combination of Trump’s bouffant and McMahon’s crew cut would be a union of cosmic proportions not seen since Taco Bell introduced its breakfast menu. The intimidation factor alone of these two hairdos is worth any supposed downside to this alliance. Something just has to be said for two haircuts that cost more than Portugal’s gross national product.
4. A “Total Divas” First Lady
Forget the Bella Twins! Let’s have some Melania Trump! Vince McMahon, like The Donald himself, ain’t no fool when it comes to knowing “what’s what”. Not only would having a beauty like Melania Trump as First Lady give the United States some immediate street cred, Vince would see to it that she make the perfect addition to WWE Total Divas. A behind-the-scenes look at the goings-on of Melania, the Divas, and the First Family while they go “camping” in Palm Springs just has TV gold written all of over it. The ratings would be so high that Keeping Up With The Kardashians would finally and mercifully be cancelled.
3. Mediation tactics/Diplomacy
Call this one the White House’s own brand of street justice. Political disagreements between countries, parties, and factions are as common as Aquanet at the Jersey Shore. Yet very few problems are ever actually solved in Washington. Trump and McMahon would buck this trend and bring resolution in their own exceptional way… in the ring. The United States can’t reach a trade agreement with China? A ladder match will settle the score. The House is divided on the latest gun bill? Break out the trash cans, broom handles, and food trays, because there is going to be a hardcore match. Winner takes all; end of story.
2. Stone Cold Steve Austin as Secretary of State
Who better to be the face of American force and resolve than The Rattlesnake himself? One can just imagine Austin addressing the G2 Summit and concluding his speech on global warming with “…and that’s the bottom line ‘cause Stone Cold says so!” The best part of having Steve Austin as SOS however, is that, if Iran, Afghanistan, or any other country thinks about stepping out of line and committing an act of aggression, Stone Cold will be right there to give an entire country The Stunner. He will lead by example and not take any $!@# from anyone. And after he steers America to glorious victory, he will climb on the table in the Situation Room, Vince will toss him a ‘silver bullet,’ and the entire Cabinet will chug beer in triumph.
1. “You’re fired!”
The words speak for themselves. Whether a Democratic senator from New York or a foreign head of state, someone is bound to tick off one or both of our favorite billionaires fairly quick upon taking office. How awesome would it be to hear The Donald and/or Mr. McMahon shout across the halls of Congress “you’re fired!!” at some unsuspecting senator from Iowa? Their take-no-prisoners approach is just what Washington needs. Congressional hearings would become episodes of The Apprentice. C-SPAN would be simulcast on the WWE Network. Fellow politicians will either be with them or against them. And if they fail to deliver, Trump and McMahon will see to it that they are out of Washington faster than spit through a trumpet. A Donald Trump-Vince McMahon ticket would truly be a force not seen since Pink Floyd’s The Wall.