Superheroes seem to have been given a second life in the last decade with the increasing amount of superhero films hitting the big screens. People can’t seem to get enough of their favourite characters. But what if Spider-Man wouldn’t spin webs? What if Wolverine didn’t have his adamantium skeleton? What if Batman didn’t have any high tech gadgets? Would their comics and movies still be popular? Probably not; they would be pretty lame. Unfortunately, this is the case for some superheroes. Some were just too lame to catch on and have become a part of comic book companies’ forgotten pasts – which is where a lot of them belong.
The past few decades saw the rise and fall of many superheroes in comic books. Some dropped in popularity because people got tired of them or their story; others found their place and are still popular today. There are, of course, some that were never popular in the first place and for good reason. Not every hero can be as strong as Superman, as smart as Iron Man or as cool as Batman. Many super heroes did not become popular and did not catch on because they were just too dumb. If you look deep into the buried past of comic books, you can find some pretty entertaining characters. The following is a list of the top 10 lamest superheroes ever created.
Extraño just might be one of the most lame and offensive superheroes ever created. Extraño in Spanish means “strange,” a very fitting name as Extraño is a pretty weird dude. Though it is not explicitly stated in the comics that he is gay, the writers hint at it, as there are lots of slang terms and sexual innuendos indicating the hero’s sexual orientation.
Of course, having a gay superhero isn’t a problem, but it becomes problematic when he is shown as embodying every possible homosexual stereotype. This is the case for Extraño. He even gets HIV from an AIDS vampire known as Hemo-Goblin. His superpower? He’s a magician… that’s it. The fate of the world lies in the hands of an HIV positive, offensive, gay magician. Unlike many other superheroes, it looks like Extraño is gone for good.
This superhero was so lame he was only featured in a single issue. Skateman was created in November 1983 by Neal Adams, and published by Pacific Comics. As his name implies, his super power involves roller skates. Apparently he defeats bad guys by quickly rolling over to them and kicking them with his skates.
That is some pretty intense stuff right there.
Imagine how long it would take to catch up to bad guys that actually drive cars, like normal people? Skateman isn’t only lame because of his lack of superpowers, but also because he is inefficient. You can’t solve all your problems by kicking them with roller skates, Skateman.
8. Wild Dog
Wild Dog. Real name: Jack Wheeler. Another cringe-worthy, lame superhero created by DC comics. Wild Dog’s super power is guns. Yes, guns, as in, he shoots people. How original. At least Wild Dog does shake things up by wearing his old hockey mask from when he was a kid.
Essentially, Wild Dog is like the villain of the most unoriginal slasher film ever featuring a chain saw murderer wearing a hockey mask to preserve his identity and stop his face from being drenched in blood. Except in this case Wild Dog is a good guy, and he prefers to use guns instead of an axe. Apparently, his marital status is single. Wonder why?
7. Matter-Eater Lad
Matter-Eater Lad is an alien from the planet Bismoll, where everything on the planet is inedible, and the inhabitants therefore evolved with the ability to eat all matter (evolutionary biologists must have no problems with that claim whatsoever).
His super power is thus being able to eat anything. Let that sink in for a bit.
His power is basically only useful if he gets trapped, as he can eat the trap. Maybe he can even eat his way out of a tough situation? How is he even supposed to fight? Basic hand-to-hand combat. How original. Good job DC comics, you really outdid yourself this time.
6. Squirrel Girl
Arguably the least obscure character on the list, Squirrel Girl is a relatively new super hero, having been created in 1992. Her real name is Doreen Green, and she lives in the Marvel universe. In fact, she actually had a crush on Iron Man (what girl wouldn’t?) and wanted to be his crime-fighting partner.
Unfortunately, what makes Squirrel Girl lame is not the fact that she had hopes of working with one of the best super heroes of all time, but the fact that her superpower is an affinity for squirrels. She is stronger and faster than the average girl her age and even has tiny claws but her main mode of attack is relying on squirrels to help her. They’ll be useful against cosmic supervillains.
Starfox’s real name is Eros. He’s an Eternal and can thus use energy around him to fuel his main superpower: creating pleasure in other people’s brains. He can do other cool stuff like travel through space and water but for some reason he chooses to fight by pleasuring people.
According to his history, he visited many planets as he loved life and was curious. On Earth, he was known for basically sleeping around as he captivated the attention of many women and only had one steady girlfriend, and of course she was a prostitute. This is definitely not the kind of super hero you’d want around you in your neighbourhood. “Someone help! I’m being robbed!” “Never fear! Starfox is here! I’ll make you feel good and steal your girlfriend instead of going after the bad guy!”
Gunfire, real name Andrew Van Horn, is like a modern twist on the King Midas story… except everything he touches turns into a gun instead of gold. Even stranger than that, he got his powers from being bitten by a parasitic alien. The question is, why would that give you the ability to turn anything into a gun? At least Peter Parker being bitten by radioactive spider and gaining spider powers makes a little bit of sense.
Gunfire is a relatively new superhero, as he was created in 1994. Needless to say, people were not impressed with him and his series only lasted for 14 issues before being permanently cancelled. At least he did better than Skateman… then again, every superhero did better than Skateman.
3. US 1
US 1 is an incredibly lame superhero as he is simply out-dated. His superpower is the fact that he has a piece of metal in his brain that allows him to receive CB radio signals.
With the invention of cellphones, US 1 has become completely useless. Without his CB radio interception powers being an attribute, he is basically just an average Joe, making him one of the lamest superheroes of all time. Sorry Marvel, you just didn’t quite make the cut with this one.
This superhero isn’t only lame, he also appears to be a sadistic psychopath. As his name implies, his super power is literally welding dogs. He welds the faces of dead dogs onto the faces of bad guys to scare them straight. Talk about harsh.
He is perhaps one of the creepiest superheroes ever invented. Luckily, he only appears in 11 issues of DC Comics, as he is killed off by being vaporized by a demon (someone had to do it). Imagine how terrifying it would be to roam the streets with a manic like that on the loose. His lack of superpowers, and creepy behaviour make him a very lame superhero.
1. Arm-Fall-Off Boy
Arm Fall Off Boy is perhaps the lamest and funniest superhero of all time. This one really takes the cake. He is another superhero who has a literal name, as his super power is that his arms are detachable.
In a battle, Arm-Fall-Off Boy will take off his arm and use it as a weapon. There are so many things wrong with that one would not even know were to begin. This crazy superhero was concocted by DC comics and was only featured in five issues. Most people take this character as a joke, which would make sense, as DC comics supposedly intended for him to be a joke so as to get media attention. Needless to say their plan worked. Arm-Fall-Off Boy is definitely one of the lamest superheroes of all time.