The summer months are filled with blockbuster movies on a yearly basis, and that has been the case throughout the early portions of the 2015 season. Jurassic World, a movie that has a simple premise and special effects that are good but hardly groundbreaking, is setting records with the amount of money that it is grossing at box offices in the United States and all around the world. There are whispers out there that Jurassic World could eventually overtake Avatar as the biggest box office draw in history, and even more summer hits are set to release in July and August.
There is a saying in the worlds of entertainment and sports that rings true: They cannot all be gems. “They” in this scenario refers to movies. Certain films are just going to bomb at theaters for one reason or another. Perhaps the reviews for the film in question were so poor that people who considered potentially spending their money to see it on the big screen instead made other arrangements. There are also some movies that, in previews and televised commercials, appear to be so ridiculous that they are not even considered to be “so bad that they are good.”
At the complete opposite end of the spectrum from Jurassic World are movies that were so historically bad that very few people felt it was a wise use of money and time to see them. Movie history, as it would turn out, would be made in different ways in 2015. What had been referred to as a controversial movie by critics and by sports personalities from multiple countries has its own spot in the record books for performing so poorly that no film before had ever bombed so spectacularly. Karma does strike from time to time, after all, as the organization portrayed in that movie deserves all of the negative press that it can get.
6. Endgame (2009): $1,608
For a movie that did terribly in movie theaters, Endgame received a good amount of praise from some critics. Tim Walker of The Independent, as just one example, wrote that the “script skillfully interspersed talk with action.” Perhaps the problem is that the movie first premiered on television in the United Kingdom and later in the United States. Maybe people just did not want to spend money to watch a film about the end of Apartheid. Of all the flicks mentioned in this piece that were, as it pertains to money made, box office flops, Endgame may be the one to see.
5. Come Out and Play (2013): $1,600
There are, on paper, two genres of movies that should be able to generate at least decent splashes of cash these days: horror films and superhero flicks. Come Out and Play is apparently the horror movie that disproves that rule. A couple enjoying one final vacation before the two take on parenthood encounter a bunch of children that are roaming about on their own with no parents or adults to be found. Will the couple make it out alive? Have they been transported to a “Planet of the Kids?” Did anybody care enough to watch the movie in the theater? We have the answer to at least one of those questions.
4. Gooby (2009): $1,552
The story surrounding Gooby is cute enough. An adolescent with an active imagination is going through a bit of a rough patch in his life. His childhood teddy bear Gooby comes to life and helps him realize that life is not so bad after all. Such a tale would probably be better off as a 30-minute cartoon that airs on television rather than a feature film that makes it to the theaters, and that theory was proven to be somewhat accurate in that it barely grossed over $1,500 during its opening weekend before it disappeared from theaters, never to return.
3. Last Flight of the Champion (2013): $1,439
How do you know when a movie is particularly bad? It does not even have its own Wikipedia page, and that was the case for Last Flight of the Champion as of June 2015. The always reliable IMDB tells us that the movie is about: “Neddie Nerfhoffer has a dream. He wants to do his part to help save the galaxy from a tyrannical warlord. When Neddie finds an ancient starship, he and his friends take to the stars to stop the evil General Disdain.” I wouldn’t know. I never saw the film, and you probably didn’t either judging by the amount of money that it grossed.
2. I Kissed a Vampire (2012): $1,380
You know that part in Forgetting Sarah Marshall where the dude who is played by Jason Segel created that goofy yet entertaining puppet rock-opera about the life and times of Dracula? I Kissed a Vampire is sort of like that, except that it was much better suited to be a web series than something that would draw money in theaters. Draw money the film did not, to the point that I Kissed a Vampire was the king of the mountain of this list up until the spring of 2015 when what could be called a “sports movie” in certain circles made history with its level of ineptitude.
1. United Passions (2015): $918
What has politely been referred to as a FIFA “propaganda film” by critics of the corrupt organization (it feels good to not have to write “allegedly” anymore knowing all we now know about FIFA) grossed a record-low $918 over the weekend of June 6, 2015. That is not a typo that should instead read $91,800 or even $9,180. $918 was probably a bit generous for such a hack job that has since been yanked from movie theaters. The unfortunate thing is that Sepp Blatter still sits as FIFA President for the time being while this movie has been put out of its misery. One thing at a time, I suppose.