We all love a good video game. They’re like movies, only better, because we direct them ourselves. When they’re made well, they allow players to exit their surroundings and appear inside the game they’re playing. Through this medium, players can inhabit an entirely different character. In many cases, that character possesses inhumane powers.
Sometimes these characters are classically strong, and if someone were to describe their powers to you, it would make sense for you to feel fear. A sword-wielding, mind-controlling super soldier would strike fear into the hearts of pretty much anyone. But some of these powers are downright strange, and terrifyingly so. Being trapped inside an egg, for example, and not knowing when or where you’ll hatch. That’s a fate we wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
Being held back by the limits of our feeble bodies, it makes us really happy when we get to control (or fight) characters lacking such limits. It’s a fake way of transcending our humanity. Read this list, learn about these powerful characters, and transcend that humanity of yours a little.
13. Mewtwo – Pokémon Series
In the original Pokémon games, Mewtwo was godlike. Floating in the depths of Cerulean Cave, he awaits a trainer worthy enough to face him. If you manage to make him faint, you should have your Pokédex and Elite Four badges confiscated. How dare you.
But if you catch him, you’ll have the most severely overpowered Pokémon in the game at your disposal. With a jacked up Speed and Special stat, and no Pokémon built to defend against Psychic attacks, Mewtwo can make quick work of literally anything standing in its way.
12. Meta Knight – Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Meta Knight appears as a decently balanced antihero in most of the Kirby games, but boy did he eat his cereal when he stepped into the Super Smash Bros. Brawl arena. In a game that runs relatively slow compared to its predecessor, Meta Knight literally flies through the competition. His speed, power, and combo game is vastly unmatched by any of the other characters. So overpowered is Meta Knight — and so sick were audiences of seeing Meta Knight players body ever character — that at the height of Brawl’s popularity, certain tournaments banned the character from play entirely.
11. Yoda – Soul Calibur IV
As the title of the less-than-classic sixth studio album by American post-hardcore/indie rock band Girls Against Boys goes, “You Can’t Fight What You Can’t See”. This turns out to be true for the characters in Soul Calibur IV, who have a hard time seeing Yoda. At 2′ 2’’, the Grand Jedi Master playfully hovers around his opponents’ knees as they swipe fruitlessly at the air above his head. Meanwhile Yoda unleashes all assortments of Jedi mercilessness upon them, slashing and force-ing them to smithereens. Choosing Yoda in a gentleman’s Soul Calibur IV battle is an objective sign of disrespect.
10. Scorpion – Mortal Kombat Series
Scorpion, arguably Mortal Kombat’s flagship character, has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. Aside from being a master of sending kunais through his opponents’ sternum and getting them over to him, Scorpion can teleport behind his opponents at will and scorch them with hellfire. Speaking of hellfire, Scorpion was spawn in the Netherrealm, and that’s where he goes back to when he dies. This means that he can’t quite be killed, which is an important factor to consider in a fight to the death.
9. Akuma – Street Fighter Series
Akuma once said of himself, “My name is Akuma! The supreme master of the fist!” However, several Street Fighter players would just call him an overpowered cheeseball. Despite having low health and being relatively easy to evade in battle, Akuma’s Ultra attack can wipe out his opponents ridiculously early. He may look cool with his blazing hair and his giant hippy necklace, but picking Akuma against a friend makes you a gigantic cheesemaster.
8. Kirby – Kirby Series
Looking at Kirby, you wouldn’t think he’s all that powerful. How strong could a wad of bubblegum with shoes and a face be, anyway? Well you don’t have to get too far into any Kirby game to learn that the man is an absolutely devastating fighter. Not only does he destroy his enemies by swallowing them whole, but he makes sure to absorb their greatest power before sending them to the next world. Who can stand up to this pink demon?
7. Sonic the Hedgehog – Sonic Series
Sonic has a winning smile, and he’s saved the world from the evil Doctor “Eggman” Robotnik several times. By all measures this hedgehog is a hero to good and an enemy to evil. Just don’t get on his bad side. With an average running speed of 767 miles per hour, you will never be able to run away from Sonic if he’s after you, and any impact with an object moving at such speeds would surely result in your obliteration.
6. Master Hand – Super Smash Bros. Series
Master Hand is literally a giant hand that you need to beat if you want to see the credits of any Super Smash Bros. games. No one knows where it came from or what its purpose is, but it seems to enjoy bullying the game’s cast by poking, slapping, and smashing them — anything a hand does, really. It doesn’t even flinch when the fighters strike back. It’s a merciless, unlawful hand, and whoever it belongs to deserves a good scorning.
5. Pac-Man – Pac-Man Series
Seen on a 2-D 8-bit interface, Pac-Man doesn’t really seem all that dangerous. Let him eat that yellow stuff and play with the ghosts and everything will be alright. Just make sure he never escapes into the real world. As was seen in the recent film ‘Pixels’, whole cities will be at risk if that ever happens. No matter what weapons you bring, no matter how nicely you ask him to let you go, Pac-Man will banish you to infinite darkness with a single chomp.
4. Sephiroth – Final Fantasy VII
Sephiroth is the main antagonist of Final Fantasy VII. Hell-bent on taking over the planet, and with the means to do just that, this one-winged angel is not to be taken lightly. Even before reaching his full potential, Sephiroth is capable of superhuman speed, agility, strength, endurance, and reflexes. When he really wants to wreak havoc, Sephiroth can fly, fill his enemies’ minds with illusions, and fire off energy beams with his giant sword. He’s also super mean.
3. Donkey Kong – Donkey Kong Series
Donkey Kong is no ordinary 6’1” 800 pound ape — he is capable of feats of strength far beyond what you might imagine. Donkey Kong once punched a walrus so high, it created a small tsunami when it landed in the ocean; he barely blinked after taking cannonball fire at point-blank range; and his Giant Punch once sent the moon careening down to the planet. So don’t laugh at his tie or his haircut — DK will punch you very, very hard.
2. Kratos – God of War Series
Kratos, “The Ghost of Sparta”, is the protagonist of the God of War series. After being tricked into killing his family by the greek god Ares, Kratos embarks on a path of bloody vengeance. He possesses unmatched skill in all forms of weapons and powerful magic. He has killed immortal gods, effectively altering the definition of the word “immortal.” If ever Kratos does get killed in battle, he can simply escape back to Earth from the underworld and try the fight again.
1. The Prince – Katamari Series
The Prince is the lovable silent protagonist of the Katamari series. Equipped with an amazing and horrifying magical ball called a Katamari, he rolls around absorbing increasingly larger objects, starting from things like pencil erasers and eventually leading to skyscrapers. The Prince’s goal is for the Katamari to eventually be as big as a star. Every other video game character on this list will probably be attached to it by the time that happens. So will we. Gulp.