The X-Men series is one of the most beloved comic book entities that have become synonymous with the world of superheroes. Over the years, we have seen the X-Men become arguably the most popular cartoon series based off a comic and have many hit blockbuster films that are still going on today. The group of mutants born with superpowers and made into outcasts because of it became the superhero team we all loved. Today’s Avengers and Justice League stories are more popular but the X-Men have been consistently more relevant through the decades due to various characters providing a unique role on the team in an entertaining form.
Wolverine is the snarky bad-ass that has regenerative skills and actual claws. Jean Grey has telepathic and telekinesis powers that can give her the advantage in every fight. Cyclops can shoot powerful beams of concussive energy from his eyes. Storm can manipulate the weather in a very aggressive manner. Many of the X-Men have super strength, the ability to fly or other great powers that make them cool and effective in the stories. While most are great, there have been a couple of horrible characters with less useful skills and no real reason for existing in the universe.
The characters that have no true value to the X-Men are not only unnecessary but they are absolutely horrible. It just goes to show that even the minds with the best ideas will give out some clunkers every now and then. Everyone has to learn from their failures to grow and become better at their jobs and that remains true for comic book writers. We’ll examine those stories here and go through the reasons why these mutants should have never gotten the call-up to the X-Men. They all found a way to make us roll our eyes and shake our heads wondering how they were made into official superheroes. These are the top ten most useless X-Men characters of all time.
The character of Shatterstar appeared far more intriguing on the drawing board than it did in the actual comics. Between tremendous speed, strength and the fighting skills, everyone should have enjoyed the latest X-Men superhero but it was a disaster. Shatterstar had a bizarre sword with two large blades on it as his weapon of choice and it just looked lame. The successful X-Men characters almost all had charm but Shatterstar lacked it big time. Many pundits believed it was just an attempt to mimic Wolverine’s strengths but Shatterstar didn’t have the interesting background or character depth to make it work.
His name was X-Man. Enough said.
Okay we deserve to share some laughter and insight into why X-Man was completely useless. The minds at Marvel likely saw some confused young children getting into the series may have assumed there would be a character named X-Man considering the X-Men series title and most superheroes having names like Batman, Superman or Spider-Man. X-Man lacked any real purpose and seemed like a lazy addition trying to tie into other characters stories with less of an entertaining result. The mental and telekinetic powers were fine in theory but we were already used to Jean Grey doing that in a more interesting manner.
Another useless X-Men addition that had a horrible name was Maggott. Someone apparently thought the name would be catchy rather than just revolting. Maggott had super strength thanks to two slugs in his digestive system allowing him to eat anything. You were warned that he was the grossest member of the X-Men. Maggott was from South Africa and talked in an exaggerated version of Afrikaans slang if his overall existence wasn’t weird enough. Despite the very unique strength and the specific character, Maggott was just an embarrassing addition to the X-Men history that just made diehard fans question why they were still reading comics.
The name Ink gives you an insight into what to expect from the peculiar and useless X-Men character. Not only was Ink a silly addition to the X-Men but he literally had no superpowers of his own and was not a mutant. Leon Nunez was a mutant that passed along powers by tattooing them on the bodies of humans and Ink would gain his skills that way. Ink believed he was a mutant with his own powers as Nunez hid the fact about the magical tattoos. The powers transferred allowed Ink to fly, blow up items, cure others, and develop super strength along with other perks with each different tattoo. It was truly a weak story for a weak character.
The magical power of Skin was having extra skin to live up to his name. A sign here is the useless characters had very little depth aside from being poorly written to follow their name sake. Skin’s strength is like a poor man’s Mister Fantastic but he can only stretch his skin about six feet before it reaches its limitation. Think about how badass all of the X-Men were and all of the cool things they could do and then imagine another mutant trying to match them by having skin that could extend by a couple of feet. Skin would end up getting crucified before getting resurrected as a mutant with the same weak powers no one cared about.
Most of the X-Men characters on this featured mutants having very weak superpowers. The same could be said for Jubilee and her ability to shoot fireworks. Sure, fireworks are dangerous when used as a weapon going after someone but it was an overall lame power to have when compared to the rest of the X-Men. The complaints about sexism in comics can be argued here with the female character having the silly power of fireworks. Luckily, the X-Men have plenty of strong female mutants to make up for it and this was just a very useless blip on the radar. If you’re lacking the fireworks for your 4th of July celebration, just have Jubilee visit and do the work.
It boggles my mind that there are three characters somehow more lame than Beak but there are. Beak was a horrible idea by someone trying to add variety to the X-Men with the creature that has a beak (obviously) and feathers. The birdman should be a cool X-Men character on the surface but he couldn’t even fly. Beak had all of the qualities of a bird except the only one that would be useful in a fighting scenario. The useless nature of Beak provided nothing to the X-Men team in the story or to the audience wanting to be entertained.
3. Stacy X
Stacy X was definitely one of the worst characters meant to appeal to the lowest common denominator with zero depth at all. The character used the art of sex appeal to her advantage with her superpower being the ability of using pheromones to control others’ bodies. Stacy X would force others to have orgasms in some situations and vomit in other predicaments. Basically, she was either your best friend or enemy when using her powers. The writers clearly wanted to try to see if sex would sell with the addition of Stacy X and the character was one of the low points in X-Men adding absolutely nothing but very poorly written sexual content.
The visual art of Cypher looked cool but once started to read about his character, you had to shake your head in disbelief. Cypher’s superpower was having the ability to translate any language. That’s right. The X-Men member was basically an early human version of a Google Play Store app. This created so few stories possible for Cypher to play a relevant role in the story that the writers were forced to turn him into a glorified hacker with his ability to read the language of computers and technology. If you want to read a Chinese food menu or hack into an illegal torrent site to download some music, Cypher is the X-Men standout for you.
Slipstream is the only one possibly lame enough to top the other nine horrible X-Men characters. While Slipstream held the impressive power of being able to teleport, there was one glaring flaw that held him back. Slipstream would have to set up a surfboard and stand in the correct surfing form to transport to where he wanted to get to. Imagine being in a fight and your partner needing to find the time to set a surfboard up in hopes of getting to your aid before your demise. There’s also no way he can be subtle about it considering he has to travel with a giant surfboard at all times to have any hope of helping. Slipstream was completely useless and Wolverine should have broken the board on his head to end him for good.