Life is good for ballers. This is especially true for male athletes. Across the world, professional athletes are idolized like none other. The evidence is in the way the athletes are treated. If a soccer player shows up to the door of one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Europe, there’s a zero percent chance they will have trouble getting in. If an NBA player even walks into a restaurant, he can count on free meals. Since the beginning of time, people have wanted to get close to professional athletes, so some of the good mojo that they have will rub off on them. A professional athlete always draws a crowd, encourages people to buy products they do not need, and spend an inordinate amount of time watching them basically work out against other guys.
The one perk for professional athletes that is like none other comes in the form of getting naked with people. Pro athletes not only have money and fame, their jobs often require them to be in peak physical condition, just kind of making it unfair for everyone else. There are endless tales of professional athletes who are just chest-high in women (or men) that they need a snow plow just to get out. Just look at Evander Holyfield and Shawn Kemp as an example.
Unfortunately, a lot of push ups just can’t fix a weird face. Despite what God gave these 10 athletes, the good Lord just ran out of DNA to make what’s above the neck as good as what’s below. Check out the 10 least attractive professional athletes.
10. Randy Johnson
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with a trailer park. They provide places for people to live. The spaces are relatively inexpensive. This allows so many people across America to have shelter for themselves and their family without having to pay the high costs of a deposit or pay for a home.
For a person who had never met Randy Johnson, they would think he came from one of these trailer parks and would have no idea he is a multimillionaire with a career that eventually landed him in the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2015. His mullet said less “baseball legend” and more “I’m still on probation.” Hopefully the nickname “Big Unit” came from somewhere other than his height because it might be the only thing that saves him.
9. Anthony Davis
This whole section will not mention the one thing that has made Anthony Davis’ face the butt of many jokes. It will avoid the most obvious, glaring thing that sticks out about Anthony Davis. This section will only talk about his prowess on the basketball court.
Davis is an Olympic Gold Medalist from the 2012 London Games. He is one of the greatest basketball players to ever play at the University of Kentucky. He is 6-foot-10, but he’s so fast a person would think he’s 5-foot-10. Davis is a basketball legend in the making and the NBA has rightfully pinned their hopes on him carrying the league post-LeBron James.
8. Sam Cassell
Sam Cassell played 16 seasons in the NBA and won not one, not two, but three NBA championships. He played in an era against Michael Jordan, Shaquille O’Neal, Penny Hardaway, Hakeem Olajuwon, Charles Barkley, John Stockton, and Karl Malone when they were all in their prime as NBA players. He was one of the most competitive point guards to ever play the game and is now providing his experience as a coach in the NBA.
Thank goodness he was a beautiful basketball player because his head tells a different story. If his head were an NBA career, it would have blown out its knee in the first quarter of a preseason game its rookie year. It’s good that the NBA isn’t a beauty contest.
7. Alexander Ovechkin
The good thing for Alexander Ovechkin is that he is incredibly, stupidly rich. He signed some million year hockey contract for more money that the island of Guam produces in a decade. He will undoubtedly go into hockey history as one of the best and most decorated athletes in its history. He and his family are set for life. His kids will never want for anything.
This is assuming that Ovechkin actually procreates. This may be a tall order because he will have to convince a poor woman to keep his eyes closed long enough to make the magic happen.
6. Dennis Rodman
For those old enough to remember, Dennis Rodman was either the most frustrating or the most exhilarating player on the basketball court. Rodman could hardly shoot, dribble, or even pass a basketball. However, there was nobody in the basketball world that had the energy to rebound like Dennis Rodman. This skill took him to levels he probably could never foresee.
The problem for Rodman is that he didn’t meet a hair color that he didn’t like. It’s not uncommon for people to dye their hair, but Dennis took a more “psychedelic” route to his hair care routine, opting to go for some combination of swirls and polka dots that have surely terrified people for decades.
5. Chris Kaman
Those GEICO commercials where Chris Kaman played a caveman did were amazing. Who knew that he was so multi talented? He managed to not only balance out a career in the NBA, but also a budding acting career. He even had a television show that was on for a whole season before it was canned. Whoever was in charge of marketing at GEICO was a genius to go with a name that was already recognized compared to some unknown actor. Oh wait, that wasn’t Kaman? Who knew?
Despite his appearance, Kaman has managed to create a very solid NBA career. It’s a shame that he’s apparently subscribed to a religion where hair clippers or razors are completely banned.
4. Adam Morrison
The Pacific Northwest is famous for a number of things. Early in American history, Lewis and Clark traveled through the treacherous and unforgiving west to find the Pacific Ocean. Its also known for its wet weather, pine trees, and liberal politics. One thing the great northwest is known for is its fascination with Bigfoot. Bigfoot was supposedly sighted in the region decades ago, causing a major stir. His appearance has never been confirmed.
Well, the great northwest no longer has to worry. Bigfoot, doing his best Adam Morrison imitation, managed to squeak out somewhat of an NBA career, having found some quality beauticians to wax his hair. Everyone’s on to you Bigfoot. You can hide no more.
3. Georghe Muresan
Everything about Georghe Muresan is extra. His height is extra because he stands 7’7”. His name has an extra letter (“h”). By looking at his face, it seems like his jaw and forehead are just a few extra inches bigger than most people.
Georghe Muresan was one heck of an NBA player back in the 90s and early 2000s. He was an intimidating force in the middle of the paint, forcing even the best scorers to figure out ways to get around this mountain of a man. What Muresan didn’t tell anyone is that parents show his picture to small children, claiming he will eat them if they misbehave.
2. Andre the Giant
Andre the Giant had a wrestling career that spanned nearly 30 years and is one of the sport’s greatest legends. He even acted in movies, usually playing on his larger than life image. His rivalry with Hulk Hogan was one of the fiercest in professional sports. Every gigantic wrestler, including Big Show, owe a part of their success to Andre’s legacy.
France will never be able to find another stranger looking, more intimidating, freakishly big human being to call that country home. So everyone, pour out a little liquor (or champagne if you’re French) for Andre.
1. Patrick Ewing
There’s this scene in the Marlon Wayans‘ movie, Senseless, where Marlon’s character ends up courtside next to Patrick Ewing. Up until then, Ewing had been a part of a few “Got Milk?” campaigns where he had a white mustache, having pretended to have gulped down some cold, delicious milk. Marlon’s character, having recently gone blind, sat down next to Ewing and said, “Got milk? I had milk since I seen Patrick Ewing’s ugly ass drinking it.” There’s little more to say about Ewing’s appearance since it has now been immortalized in Hollywood lore.
Ewing, a former NBA star, seems to be a good sport on and off the court.