Intimate scenes have their place in films. They let the viewer believe in the relationship we’re seeing on camera and, let’s be honest, who doesn’t like a little bit of nudity and sexy time? Yet, while these scenes are great, there are many films that try to replace actual film substance with them. When this happens, you get a terrible film with lots of gratuitous sex. In these films, the intimate scenes are the only reason to watch the film in the first place. That’s what we’ve come here to discuss with you today.
There are countless films that are terrible beyond reason. We’ve tried, but we can’t love them. There is not one single redeeming quality about them. There are some films, however, that are horrible films, but they have enough gratuitous intimacy in them that they hold our interest. Why not just watch a skin flick, you ask? Well, because there’s a difference. Even the worst films have better storylines than skin flicks. These awful films at least try to put together a story. They may have failed miserably, but we have to credit them for effort. There are also bonus points given if the film features a famous star in a dirty role. That really ups the stakes.
Plus, if it weren’t for us, you might never have seen these films. After reading this, you’re going to have a new list of movies to watch. Outside of these scenes, there is no reason why you should, if we’re being completely honest, but you will. Oh, you will. Say it’s for science. Say it’s for research. These are not good films, we’ve warned you enough about that, but they are filled with nudity and sex, and, if for no other reason, you should watch them for that. Here are 15 unwatchable movies that are stuffed full of so much awesome gratuitous intimacy.
Saying that this movie has “awesome” gratuitous intimacy might be a bit of a stretch, but it has graphic, very graphic intimacy. It’s violent, scary, gross, fetishistic and often unwatchable. There’s a reason this is one of the most banned movies ever. There are still places that don’t let it to be shown because of how sick and twisted it is, but you should probably check it out. Based on the Marquis de Sade’s book, 120 Days of Sodom, Salo is the story of humankind’s deepest and darkest sexual fantasies. However, as you watch it, you will likely wonder, who in their right mind has these kinds of fantasies? This is purely a curiosity film nowadays. It’s like a challenge you might give to yourself or your friends—try this on for size—see if you can get through it. It might be the weirdest film you ever watch in your entire life.
In 1972, in between directing Rosemary’s Baby and Chinatown, Roman Polanski did something weird. He directed a little film called What? Now Polanski has done a lot of weird films and a lot of weird real life things, but What? still shocks us even though we expect it from him. The movie starts with a woman (Sydne Rome) nearly getting gang r*ped but escaping into an unknown villa. Inside, the people that are there barely even notice the new woman who’s entered. We know immediately, things are strange and are only going to get stranger. Rome, playing a character called Nancy, decides to have a sleep, but when she wakes up, she realizes that a man is performing cunnilingus on her. That’s just the beginning. Things proceed to get even weirder, if you can believe that. Don’t watch this for the plot. Watch it because you’re curious and want to see some sexual oddities.
13. Flesh Gordon
If you like Flash Gordon, you’ll probably enjoy this film more than the average bear, but that’s not necessarily saying much. Released in 1974, Flesh Gordon is the adult parody of the Flash Gordon serials and it is painfully weird. Everything in the film is made sexual, including all of the names of the characters, places and creatures, such as the evil “Penisauruses.” The villain, Emperor Wang, is in control of a sex ray, which makes anyone shot by it go into an uncontrollable sex craze. The story goes that this film was originally shot with unsimulated sex scenes, but they were forced to reshoot it because skin pandering was not legal in Los Angeles at the time. Rumor has it that some of those scenes can still be seen in the final cut. It’s like a skin flick Where’s Waldo?.
12. Kama Sutra
You can probably tell that with a title like Kama Sutra, this film is going to feature some sex scenes, and it does. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t offer much else other than the sex scenes. Starring Indira Varna (Ellaria Sand in Game of Thrones) and some other people, Kama Sutra tells the story of two female friends turning into sexual competitors as they fight for the affection of the men in their lives. The film features a lot of nudity, marital r*pe, lesbian sex, just a lot of different variations of sex and sexuality. If you’re into Indian weddings and Indian culture, this might be an interesting movie, but otherwise have the fast-forward button on the ready to keep yourself engaged.
Elle Macpherson, Kate Fischer, Portia de Rossi and Hugh Grant star in this softcore film, but don’t go into it expecting quality work from any of these stars. It’s a story that you wait to come together, but, at about the halfway mark you realize, this film has no point and no direction whatsoever. At least, those will be your thoughts if you expected a movie with more substance than a softcore skin flick. But don’t let that scare you off. Do you remember when we said that this film stars Elle Macpherson, Kate Fischer and Portia de Rossi. The film does have its moments though, it just so happens that most of these moments are the sex and the nudity. Even without a comprehensible plot, the beauty of the stars in it are more than enough to make it worth looking into.
10. The Center of the World
Imagine Pretty Woman meets your standard skin flick and you’ve got The Center of the World. The movie is the fairly graphic story of a lap dancer and a millionaire hanging out for a few days. Starring Peter Sarsgaard, who continually plays creeps in all of his films, The Center of the World has a ridiculous premise. This millionaire, pays a lap dancer $10,000 to spend three nights with him in Las Vegas, but she only agrees to it if there is no penetration during their four hours of “play” each night. Weird, right? Why not hire a prostitute and skip playtime when the guy has very clear goals? Because of this stupid agreement, things, predictably, get rough and weird. The most interesting part of the film is the controversial lollipop scene, which had the MPAA and theater owners choking. It’s an odd film and a dark film and it’ll make you feel uncomfortable, but that’s Sarsgaard’s specialty.
9. 9 ½ Weeks
In a film about a fetishized and sexualized relationship, 9 ½ Weeks feels shallow and empty of anything else other than sex because it really, truly is devoid of anything else. Starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger, this film has little content in it, but there’s some weird fetishism in thinking about two famous actors that you know very well getting it on every damn place they go. Other than that it’s an adult film without the hardcore nudity. People do find something sexy about the implied sex going on here. It has always been known as a popular date-night movie, but it’s not a date-night movie that you share with your parents, or anyone you’re not sexually engaged with really. Watching it alone is fine.
The movie Lovelace stars Amanda Seyfried as a skin flick star, which is nice, and Peter Sarsgaard as a creep, which is tradition. The film is about the hugely popular and ridiculous 70s skin flick film Deep Throat, and its star Linda Lovelace. Now that you know the premise, you can imagine what the content is and you’re right on the money. The film itself is overly simplistic and tries to make Lovelace out to be only a victim, but, while trying to prove a point about the negatives of sexploitation, this film goes down a similar path with Seyfried. There’s one reason people watch this film and any suggestion otherwise is silliness. If you’re looking for the one-sided Coles Notes’ version of the story, check out Lovelace. If you’re looking for a movie with a lot of nudity, sex scenes and a lackluster storyline, check out Lovelace.
You got Nicolas Cage, Judge Reinholdt and a small part by Steve Buscemi. It’s gotta be a hit, right? Wrong. This is Zandalee, a movie about nothing but softcore adult film and weird eroticism. From the very start, this movie feels awkward. It’s slow and bumbling and has zero redemptive qualities, unless you’re watching this for the nudity and the sex, in which case it’s a fairly decent movie. It’s presumed that Cage is a sex symbol in the film, which might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but that’s completely normal. By the end, you might be asking yourself what the hell you just watched, but, let’s be honest with ourselves, no one is getting to the end of this flick. But that bodypaint scene though. That was alright.
6. Original Sin
When you watch this movie and pay attention to it, the dialogue, the drama, the overacting, it’s tough to imagine that someone actually wrote this and got paid for it. Original Sin exists because of the interest in seeing its two stars, Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie, lounge around naked and have intimate scenes every so often. Jolie’s sex appeal is enough to keep this film in the registries of human memory and she’s nude often enough to make it worth your while to check out, if you’re looking for that sort of thing. If you’re looking for a quality movie, try out another title. The 25-year old Jolie looks pretty good in the film, as this was the peak of the public’s infatuation with her looks.
5. Poison Ivy 2 & Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction
The Poison Ivy film franchise started with Drew Barrymore, featured very little (if any) nudity and wasn’t necessarily the worst movie ever—though it was pretty bad. Over the years, the franchise has gotten worse and much more erotic. It’s basically a trade-off. The differences between the second and third films are a matter of preference for the actress in the starring role. Poison Ivy 2 features the gorgeous Alyssa Milano and Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction has Jamie Pressly. Both beautiful women, so you can’t go wrong. Both films are also brutal and have some of the worst acting you’ll see on screen, but the nudity and the intimate scenes make up for it. Both women have several sexual encounters within and, given their fame, it’s intriguing, exactly what the filmmakers were going for.
We’re not releasing any secrets here. There’s only one reason to watch Showgirls and there’s only ever been one reason to watch Showgirls. It’s an awful movie that has turned into a comedy over the years, something that was obviously not intended, despite what some of the film’s team says. So many people were interested in seeing Elizabeth Berkeley in this role, fresh off of Saved by the Bell, that the film was greatly hyped upon release. It was the gratuitous nudity that has given the film a life far beyond what it ever deserved. It is still the only NC-17 film to get a wide theatrical release and the DVD sales alone have made this film a ton of money. You ever wonder why it’s done so well in people’s homes over the years? No, you know exactly why.
3. Color of Night
For a movie that is as bad as Color of Night is, the nudity and the sex scenes have kept it somewhat relevant since its release. Right away people knew it was bad, but it was still one of the most rented films of its time. It probably has to do with Jane March getting naked every other minute and Bruce Willis probably helped market it a bit. But make no mistake, the actual storyline here is puzzlingly bad. You might wonder why you’ve turned it on in the first place, but you know why you did, you dirty dog. Quite a few of the sex scenes are really dramatic which tends to make people feel uncomfortable, but that’s part of the joy of it all. The two stars play characters that just can’t contain themselves, trying to get it on no matter where they are or who’s watching. If public displays of affection gross you out, this will be like a horror film for you.
Although Barbarella has a cult following these days, it’s a really strange film. If you’ve not seen it, you probably should. You might not ever see such an odd movie again. Based on adult themed comics, Barbarella stars the beautiful Jane Fonda in zero clothes trying to save humanity. Whenever Barbarella gets dressed, someone finds a way to take her clothes off once again. Everything is sex-themed in this film from the villains to the torture to the rewards, so if you’re looking for gratuitous sex scenes, Barbarella is your best bet.
A historical drama mixed with explicit sex, Caligula is a one-of-a-kind film where viewers can learn a little something and see countless nude human beings having unsimulated sex. While people have commented on the quality of the political content within the film, its true quality is only in the sexiness of it. Helen Mirren, Peter O’Toole and Malcolm McDowell star in the film and Mirren looks fantastic as always. The women are essentially nude the entire film because their sheer robes don’t cover much of anything. Most of the crowd shots feature extended unsimulated sex scenes which were shot using real Penthouse Pets (what Penthouse calls their women)—a perk you get when your film is produced by Penthouse. Because of the film’s gratuitous sex scenes, many countries have banned this film, but we haven’t, so check it out.