Whether we like to admit it or not, all of us have been single at one time or another. When that happens we sometimes get a little desperate. Sometimes things get a little depressing when you are single and you start to wonder if anyone is ever going to really love you or want to be with you. So people do odd things – they join dating services, they hit the gym, they go out to clubs a lot, you know the deal. Basically people do pretty much anything they can think of to try and find someone to hang out with.
Some people even go on ridiculously lame TV shows to try and meet someone. Of course some of them just go on for fun, or because some of these shows offer a big check (you know, the people that aren’t here “for the right reasons”). But a lot of people go on these shows to try and meet the love of their life.
Which is, of course, insane. Who would go on a terrible TV show that is going to be watched by millions of people to try and meet the love of their life? I mean, who would do that? You honestly would have a better chance of meeting the love of your life hanging out by the Slurpee machine at 7-eleven while you were drunk out of your mind, then meeting her on Room Raiders. Not to mention the fact that pretty much every single one of these shows is horrible. But hey, what do I know? I don’t want to be the one to rain on your parade. Here are the 15 most cringe worthy TV dating shows ever. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you if you ever find yourself appearing in one of these disasters.
15. Beauty And The Geek
Beauty and the Geek is a reality show that billed itself as “the ultimate social experiment.” I think that just may have been overselling it just a bit. Basically the point of this show is there’s a whole bunch of hot chicks who are dumb as rocks, and a whole bunch of guys who are super smart but are totally socially inept and rather horrible looking as well. They are hooked up as “couples” and then compete trying to win a cash prize. This show lasted for 5 years or so before it died a long overdue death. This show was known for launching the career of Megan Hauserman, who went on to star in Rock of Love, Charm School, I Love Money and Megan Wants a Millionaire. So, what I am saying is that just for that one reason alone this show never should have happened.
14. I Love New York
Speaking of shows that never should have happened, check out I Love New York. The star of this disaster is Tiffany Pollard, also known as “New York”. She got that name from Flavor Flav, when she appeared on his dating show Flavor of Love. So let me break this down for you. When she was on Flavor of Love, she acted like a total lunatic, was always picking fights and looked a bit like a drag queen. She topped off her whole gig on that show by being spat on by another contestant. So of course she got her own dating show, where all of these guys went crazy for the chance to go out with her and be this psycho’s girlfriend forever. I have to admit this show was funny, but only if you like seeing stupid people making fools of themselves, and I do. Pollard is 34 years old currently, which is rather surprising, as she looked 40 ten years ago.
13. Dating In The Dark
This one was awful, and I mean really bad. So contestants go on a date which involves them going into a room which is completely dark. Then the two people on the date talk to each other, and maybe make out while all in the dark. Then they come out and see the person they were with, and then have to decide whether or not to go out with them after seeing what they actually look like. So first of all who cares. This is not some interesting social experiment; it is actually kind of creepy. “Oh hey I thought I liked this chick, but now I see that she is kind of ugly, and now I don’t want to date her” is really not that interesting. Newsflash: people are shallow. We already knew that, we don’t need to watch some weird dating show to figure that out.
12. Flavor Of Love
This show was terribad. So Flavor Flav was in Public Enemy, which was one of the very best rap bands of all time. But that was mostly because of Chuck D rapping, and Terminator X on the beats. Flavor Flav was just a hype man, jumping around wearing a big clock and acting funny. For those of you that don’t know, Flav is short, kind of ugly, and really weird. He is a bit famous though, and some of the women on this show probably thought he had some coin, so at least there was some legitimacy as to why they might have wanted to be with him. This show was awful but also totally hilarious. 90% of it was a bunch of totally trashy, drunk chicks throwing hands at each other while Flav kept wondering if they “were in it for the right reasons.” Hey Flav…they weren’t, and neither are you.
11. Real Chance Of Love
So let’s see if you can follow along the trail of bad reality shows from top to bottom. These two bottom feeders were on I love New York, which came from the fact that New York didn’t get picked on Flavor of Love. Well these two dubs, “Real” and “Chance” who had a band called “The Stallionaires” that no one had ever heard of, were two brothers that were on I love New York and didn’t get picked by her. So then they get their own show. So, if you are trying to follow along, this was a dating show where women competed to go out with two nobody losers that couldn’t even convince some scrub like “New York” to go out with them. The winner of the show was a woman they called “Corn Fed.” Need I say more? This show was like watching a car crash in slow motion, over and over again.
10. The Bachelorette
Okay I am going to come right out and say it. This show is horrible. First of all, it is completely unrealistic. There will never be a time, and I mean ever, where a whole bunch of dudes will get all excited about dating the same woman, and want to marry her. The odds are greater that a comet will hit the Earth than that happening. Every single contestant who has ever been on The Bachelorette, and I do mean all of them, are completely fake. And that is sort of the whole problem with this show. When you watch some train wreck like Real Chance of Love it is obvious that it is supposed to be stupid, but when you watch the Bachelorette, you are supposed to actually care and pretend like these people are falling in love. I don’t, and they aren’t.
9. Megan Wants A Millionaire
This may be the biggest epic fail dating show in the history of TV. In fact, it may even be the most epic fail TV show of any type actually. So Megan, who we already mentioned was on tons of reality shows, got her own show. The point of it was that Megan was basically going to sell her body and her soul and marry a rich guy. So basically 17 millionaires competed for the chance to have Megan be their trophy wife. So you probably think that is the bad part. Nope. The bad part was when one of the contestants, Ryan Jenkins, murdered his girlfriend in real life while the show was on the air. Even worse, rumor has it that Jenkins was actually the winner of Megan Wants a Millionaire. Jenkins went on the run and hung himself, and the show was canceled mid-season without the remaining episodes ever being seen, and Megan faded off into obscurity, never to be heard from again. Now that is a bad dating show.
8. The Bachelor
Let’s pretend, just for a moment, that The Bachelor is real life. So there is this guy, he is dating like 20 women, and systematically breaks up with one of them every week or so. Then, eventually, he gets down to about 5 who he makes out with and maybe even sleeps with from time to time. When he breaks up with one of the women, he often sighs and maybe even cries and tells us how hard this is on him. Meanwhile, all of the women after about a day or so start to have “real feelings for him” and want to marry him and have his children, even though he is making out with 20 other chicks. Is this a dating show or some sort of creepy cult? This show is horrible and if you actually care about anyone on it you are quite possibly not that intelligent. Don’t shoot the messenger.
7. Room Raiders
Speaking of creepy, and we were, let’s check out Room Raiders, shall we? This show really pushes the envelope in showing us all just how bad a dating show can be. In this show prospective suitors pick a woman not on their looks or personality, but by what is in their rooms. To make it better the person whose room it is doesn’t know it is going down until they are “kidnapped” from their rooms. So let me break it down a little more. A woman is hanging out in her room and is kidnapped and put into a van. In the meantime, a guy shows up and rummages through all her possessions to see if he might want to date her. Since when is committing multiple felonies a good way to meet a girl? This show was so bad. It is hard to even explain how bad it is. It is my hope that whoever thought of this show and produced it is now working at a Taco Bell.
6. Daisy Of Love
Some of these shows don’t seem to really get the main point of what a dating show is all about. To be interested in the dating show, one must actually think the person that everyone is trying to go out with is actually someone that you would want to date. Daisy de la Hoya, who is Oscar de la Hoya’s niece, was a contestant on the dating show Rock of Love where she vied to win Bret Michael’s heart. Guess what? She didn’t win. So VH1 decided to give her a dating show of her own, where a whole bunch of guys competed to be with Daisy. Why would they do that? I have no idea. Not trying to be mean here but Daisy was the kind of chick that your parents would hate and your friends would make fun of. She was officially one night stand material, but I suppose they can’t make TV shows about competing for that.
5. Millionaire Matchmaker
The Millionaire Matchmaker is about a dating service for millionaires run by Patti Stanger. Basically these millionaires want Patti to help them find a hot girlfriend. This sounds kind of intriguing but there are a couple problems. First of all, if you are a millionaire then just find your own girlfriend, or if you are really desperate just find Megan Hauserman and buy her. I am sure she would be up for it. But the biggest problem is Patti herself. This chick is well into her 50’s, and is obviously rich herself, but she can’t figure out a way to have a relationship to save her life. I mean if she can’t do it herself, why would I pay her to do it for me? Patti spends the whole show acting like all her clients are so clueless, then she goes home and watches TV with her cats. Again.
4. Temptation Island
Temptation Island is another truly horrible show, and by that I mean really bad, in which couples agree to live with members of the opposite sex to see how strong their relationship is. First of all, if you go on a show like this in the first place, you pretty much have already shown everyone that your relationship is not that strong. Second, how crazy do you have to be to get it on with someone with a camera in the room with you knowing that it will be shown on national TV? If that sounds “tempting” to you then you have more problems in your relationship, and in life in general, than anyone wants to know. This show was on Fox for a few years. The ratings were great at first, then dropped off quickly and it was canceled after a few seasons. Such a shame.
3. Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire
This show was an absolute disaster and was one of the worst things ever on TV. It was done as a pageant, where 50 women competed to marry a multi-millionaire, who they could only see in silhouette throughout the show. At the end the millionaire selected the winner and married her on the spot. The supposed millionaire was a guy named Rick Rockwell, who apparently was not a multi-millionaire at all and had lied about how much money he had. It also turned out that he once had a restraining order out against him because of domestic violence. What a catch, huh ladies? Rockwell and his bride Darva Conger went on a honeymoon but Conger said they did not do the deed. The marriage was later annulled; Conger used her fame to pose for Playboy, and sold her engagement ring at an auction. Awww, all of this is just so romantic.
2. Rock Of Love
Of all the dating shows on this list, and all of them maybe on TV, this one probably made the most sense. Bret Michaels was the lead singer of hair metal band Poison who had a few huge hits including the insipid ballad Every Rose Has Its Thorn. So at least it made some sort of sense as to why women would like him. I mean, not all women like that kind of thing, but there are a bunch of ladies that would get into being the girlfriend of a fairly handsome rock star- a lot of these contestants probably had his photo up on their wall growing up. That doesn’t mean this show was not awful though, because it was. Basically all the women did was get drunk and fight and Bret was not a good enough actor to convince us he liked any of them even a little bit.
1. A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila
So get this. A Shot at Love was a dating show in which a bunch of men and women tried to win the prize and date Tila Tequila. That’s right, it was the world’s first bisexual dating show. This may have been kind of cool except for the fact that Tila is totally insane. At one point she was on Twitter talking about mind control and how the Earth is flat. Recently she started a gofundme to try and pay her rent. This is how she started it “I have been defeated by the Government and their bio-weapon attacks against me for the past few years ever since I got assassinated, and killed in 2012 then was replaced with a clone!” You get my point? Once again, a dating show doesn’t work if the star isn’t someone you would date in real life, and sadly Tila is way too insane to date. She sure is hot though.
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