You’ve got to love marijuana – the sweet herb. Even if you’re not partaking in the pipe yourself, you’ve likely been the benefactor of a vast amount of content generated, at least in part, with the help of ganja. Like The Beatles’ music, and probably some other stuff, too.
The word “Hollywood” itself is actually an acronym for Hey Odourless Lads and Ladies, Your Weed Of Old is Dank. You may say that isn’t true — the truth is, it’s probably not. Moving on.
It’s hard to spot a celebrity stoner. The sharpness of their eyes and the lucidity of their speech can really throw you off. But all of that is just good CGI. The life of a famous artist is, more often than you think, texturized by a dank green haze.
We’ve dug into the base of the Hollywood mountain and unearthed an ancient tablet revealing the names of 15 surprising celebrity stoners. That tablet part is a complete lie, but here they are:
15. Woody Harrelson
The great Woody Harrelson is one of those cherished actors who shines in supporting roles, but isn’t really known for being a leading man. You know what he is known for? His love for the sweet herb. You know what else he shines at? Taking huge bong hits like a champ.
Harrelson had a little green adventure in the 1990s when he climbed trees to protest logging and wore clothes made out of hemp to call attention to marijuana prohibition. He’s brought his love for the ganja on screen several times, narrating Ron Mann’s weed documentary Grass, starring in the stoner film Surfer, Dude, and appearing in the 2012 documentary Hempsters: Plant the Seed. Here’s what Harrelson had to say to the audience of the Seattle Hempfest in 2001: “I recently decided to stop smoking, but I thought more about it and decided I didn’t want to be a quitter!”
14. John Mayer
Singer of sweet music and fornicator of celebrities and super models alike, John Mayer is a unique pioneer of pot subculture, because his role as weed advocate comes from a single running line in a single song. The song is “Who Says”, and the lyric goes: “Who says I can’t get stoned.”
Despite the lyric being an anthem of sorts for pot smokers around the globe, Mayer puts himself in the “suburban housewife category of weed-smoking,” and has since declared publicly that he stopped his herbal inhalations altogether. On his decision to stop, Mayer has said, “I don’t smoke pot anymore. I just pay a dude 50 bucks to come over, press lightly on my chest and tell me all my ideas are awesome.” Sounds expensive and awkward, but who says John can’t pay a strange man to hamper his breathing and validate his ideas? Something tells us he’s probably kidding.
13. Mariah Carey
20th century musical titan Mariah Carey is, to this day, a household name. Remember her classic Christmas jingle, “All I Want For Christmas Is You”? Well, sometimes, all she wants for Christmas is some of that good green stuff.
Carey collaborated with Snoop Dogg on her 2005 album The Emancipation of Mimi. We don’t know everything about Snoop, but it might be safe to assume that coffee isn’t the only substance liberally welcome into his studio sessions. Regarding the recording sessions of the album, her collaboration with Snoop and the sweet ganja that came with it, Carey says, “Smoke? I don’t think he smokes cigarettes. It may be smoky around Snoop but that isn’t cigarettes and cigarette smoke is the worst smoke for your voice. Rappers smoke things that don’t seem to bother my throat.” As the general consensus goes, a little bit of ganja in the studio tends to do more good than harm.
12. Kirsten Stewart
“You can Google my name and one of the first things that comes up is images of me sitting on my front porch smoking a pipe with my ex-boyfriend and my dog,” she told Vanity Fair in 2012. “It was taken the day the movie came out. I was no one. I was a kid. I had just turned 18. The next day it was like I was a delinquent slimy idiot, whereas I’m kind of a weirdo, creative Valley Girl who smokes pot. Big deal.”
Big gosh-darn-deal, indeed. And to the critics who claim Stewart can’t act her way out of a recycle bin: she recently starred in Woody Allen’s Café Society, and totally held her own in it. What do you have to say now? That’s right: silence.
11. Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron is known to be a solid, versatile actress. She’s been a disturbed soul in Monster; a psychopathic banshee hero in Mad Max: Fury Road; a super hot generic superhero in Hancock. In the real world, however, when she’s walking around being Charlize, Theron is just a regular gal who sometimes allows mystical marijuana smoke to coat her lungs and lighten her soul.
There isn’t much footage of the actress partaking in the herb, and she hasn’t gone on record saying much about it, but there is a photo floating out there of Theron lighting something out of an apple pipe.
Now, homemade apple pipes are a seldom-used, wonderfully organic way to get high, and only intermediate to expert level stoners embrace this method of consumption. Despite Theron’s public silence on the subject, we can derive from her relationship to the apple pipe that she holds the ganja in a precious place very close to her heart.
10. Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Being so close to famed marijuana teddy bear Seth Rogen on and off-screen, it would be safe to assume that Joseph Gordon-Levitt keeps the magical weed close to him like the sacred amulet that it is. The actor, best-known for his roles in films like Inception, 50/50, and for playing a sorta-kinda Robin in The Dark Knight Rises, enjoys dabbling in certain extra curricular activities of the hazy, green nature. What we’re saying is, Gordon-Levitt smokes weed, and he smokes it enough for us to deem him a true blue stoner.
“When I smoke weed I’m more liable to make connections I wouldn’t otherwise make,” Joseph Gordon Levitt said in an interview with Playboy. “Sometimes those connections are ludicrous. But sometimes they’re great. You’re like, ‘Oh s***, I might not have thought of that,’ and it actually makes sense in the morning.” Gordon-Levitt has also dropped acid, but that’s a story for another article.
9. Matthew McConaughey
From looking at Matthew McConaughey’s persona on-screen, you would either think that the man is not a stoner at all, or that he spends most of his awake life completely blitzed off the green. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.
McConaughey plays the bongos and held a wedding in tents, two good signs that the ganja is strong in this one. Speculation aside, the actor was arrested in 1999 for possessing some marijuana while playing the bongos. He was butt naked at the time. That is super duper bait according to the pothead rulebook, but Matthew McConaughey is a beloved person and a really good actor, so the offense is forgiven. Smoke on, Mister Matthew McConaughey, and keep that good bongo rhythm going. Just put some pants on for God’s sake. Or if you really don’t want to, just have your naked bongo smoke sessions in your garage like everyone else.
8. Kirsten Dunst
Kirsten Blunts — er, Kirsten Dunst — is a former A-lister who, in recent years, has opted to use her acting skills to serve the fringe rather than the mainstream, doing some excellent work in films like Melancholia (worth checking out, stoned or not, but beware the inevitable existential dread that follows). The question is: does she partake of the pipe? Well, Dunst is best known for playing Mary Jane in the Spider-Man films. Mary Jane, hmm… coincidence? Probably, but also, probably not.
When speaking to Live magazine in 2007, Dunst said, “I’ve tried drugs. I do like weed. I have a different outlook on marijuana than America does.” She goes on to say, “My best friend Sasha’s dad was Carl Sagan, the astronomer. He was the biggest pot-smoker in the world, and he was a genius.” We think that proves something, but we’re not sure what it is. Whatever it is, we’ll smoke to it.
7. Barbara Streisand
For six decades, Barbara Streisand has been one of the busiest women in show business. Aside from winning not one, but two Academy awards, Streisand also holds claim to being one of the best-selling music artists of all time, with 145 million records sold worldwide. We’d love to list her other major accolades if they wouldn’t occupy this entire entry – point is, reaching that level of success requires a lot of hard work, which tends to bring about a great amount of stress.
You know what’s good for stress? Marijuana, A.K.A ganja: the sweetest herb in all of botany.
Of course, you don’t need to be stressed to invite the sacred weed into your heart and mind. Sometimes you just bring it along with you to enhance the aesthetic of a good night. Streisand once told of a night that took place decades ago, when she and her then husband went out for dinner with Peter Sellers. The trio had a great time, were very stoned, and in their lightened state contemplated what it would be like to have steak flavoured ice cream. Now, decades later, after intense theorizing, we have the answer for her: it would probably taste like crap.
6. Jennifer Aniston
Friend of friends Jennifer Aniston, aside from all the other things that make her who she is, enjoys cannabis. Back in her marriage with veteran green thumber Brad Pitt, the actress used to smoke weed on several glorious occasions with her then-husband. If the legends of Hollywood are true, Pitt probably isn’t the only smoking buddy Aniston has flown with. She likely had a jolly good time with several other A-listers we’ll never know of, laughing and flying under a sweet cannabinol haze.
Here’s some marijuana-speak Jennifer Aniston once gave Rolling Stone: “I enjoy it once in a while. There is nothing wrong with that. Everything in moderation. I wouldn’t call myself a pot-head.”
5. Bill Murray
Highly accomplished actor, stranger on a bus, ghostbustin’-ass Bill Murray is known for being a master in front of the camera and a cultural unicorn everywhere else, showing up at random parties all over the world, drinking and smoking the hosts under the table, then vanishing into thin air. Okay that last part about him vanishing was made up, but we believe it as much as we believe anything else.
Bill Murray’s status as a stoner was confirmed a long time ago, when he was arrested in 1970 for being caught with 10 lbs. of green stuff at the O’Hare airport in Chicago. Something tells us that incident never really shook him off the weed train. Want proof? Well, we don’t have it. But try this: keep a careful eye on the smoke you exhale from your next huge blunt toke. If you look closely enough, you can see Bill Murray’s face in the smoke, looking you dead in the eye.
4. Natalie Portman
Natalie Portman, America’s perfect niece, isn’t as clean-slated as some people think. Well, maybe she is now, but there was a time when Portman brushed her teeth with sour diesel and showered via hot box. We’re talking about her college days, of course. Around the time when we saw her play Padmé Amidala in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones, Portman was hitting the books at Harvard, working toward a B.A. in Psychology. What else was she hitting? You already know the answer: the pipe, bong, joint, blunt, and possibly apple.
Here’s what she has to say about her old stoner days: “I smoked weed in college, but I haven’t smoked in years. I’m too old. I wish I was that cool, but I’m like an old lady now. I’m in bed by 10 p.m. I can’t do that anymore.” We like to believe that, somewhere in those full eight hours of sleep, Portman enters adjacent realities wherein she flies on the back of a magic dragon, puffing the herb like she never stopped.
3. Morgan Freeman
While Bill Murray is probably God’s embodiment, we can say with absolute uncertainty that Morgan Freeman has the voice of the Lord God almighty, father of the multiverse. The man whose narration is so fun to experience high certainly must have a bit of blunt smoke in him. Guess what: he does.
Freeman’s career spans several decades, throughout which he has accumulated countless awards and the admiration of pretty much everyone who hears his heavenly voice. Aside from having the vocal cords of God in our flawed real world, Freeman played the Lord himself in the 2003 film Bruce Almighty. Through all of this, Mr. Freeman kept his weed close to him, like an old friend. He’s been taking tokes since the 60’s, and hasn’t stopped. Freeman is on the record saying, “How do I take it? However it comes! I’ll eat it, drink it, smoke it, snort it!”
2. Stephen King
Aside from being one of the great writers of his generation, Stephen King is a valuable pot advocate. He has said, “I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry. It would be wonderful for the state of Maine. There’s some pretty good homegrown dope. I’m sure it would be even better if you could grow it with fertilizers and have greenhouses. . . .”
Godspeed Stephen King, you ole weed soldier. If ever the situation arises, however, we would probably pass on the offer to take some of whatever Mr. King is smoking. He is a nice man but it’s clear that the depths of his mind contain incandescent horrors. Were it not for his gift of transposing all his brain’s evils onto the page, the darkness within him would build upon itself exponentially, and Stephen King would become a cyclone of terror holding the entire planet under a blanket of fear until he puts us out of our misery. So he can keep all that spooky devil’s herb to himself.
1. Johnny Depp
Like Matthew McConaughey, Johnny Depp gives off the dual impression that he’s either like that naturally, or his body is a big cloud of marijuana smoke densely compacted to look like an eccentric actor. Again, like all dualities, the answer lies somewhere in between.
In an interview with Film Review, Depp said, “I’m not a great pothead or anything like that… but weed is much, much less dangerous than alcohol.” Something about how that quote looks in text tells us Depp might have been stoned while he said it.
He also had some stuff to say about the idea of his kids smoking pot. ”Rather than have them go out on the street and get some nasty, potentially fatal stuff, I would rather say, ‘Look, this is marijuana. I know where it came from. And if you really need to try it, try it here in the house and be safe.’”
So there’s the message to all younglings out there thinking about smoking the ganja: if you’re going to get high, do it at Johnny Depp’s house. You’ll be safe there.