Apparently, the “average” size of a guy’s equipment is 5.6 inches. Now, let’s be honest. If there’s anything a guy tends to exaggerate, it’s the size of his manhood. That and how much money he makes. Women? They lie too. Maybe about their age. Sometimes about their weight. Sometimes they fake it in the sack.
But it is true to say that guys have a thing about their equipment. There is even a museum dedicated to the so-called third leg. When you are next in Iceland, make certain you visit the phallic Museum. No kidding. Well, it’s actually officially dubbed the Icelandic Phallological Museum. What will you find there? Willies are on display in glass containers, preserved in formaldehyde no less. Everything from whales to hamsters and, at last report, one human one. Don’t grab for the protective gear. The guy died and left it to the museum in his will.
And, even though some say size doesn’t matter, most people won’t buy into that story very rapidly. One hot Hollywood babe claimed her ex’s equipment was so small, she couldn’t feel anything. And which star’s car did George Clooney reportedly plaster with a “small penis on board” sticker? And heart throb singer Enrique Iglesias has gone public with the smallness of his assets. Here are 12 guys who are rumored or who have flat out admitted to packing light.
12. Brad Pitt
Women everywhere are wringing their hands over this one. Tell us it can’t be true. Brad Pitt? The sexy warrior from Troy, father of we have lost count number of children, is small? Well, when asked what Pitt was like in the sack, Pitt’s ex-girlfriend Juliette Lewis said he was no “big” deal. Get it? Apparently she was laughing hysterically afterwards. Then there’s the story of how best pal George Clooney plastered his car with a “small penis on board” sticker. No report on how Mr. Pitt reacted to that one. Probably just a joke between two best friends?
11. Tom Arnold
Okay, we know that Arnold’s divorce from Roseanne Barr was not exactly a textbook case of happy families, but reportedly Roseanne dissed Tom and his equipment, saying on Saturday Night Live that it was a petite 3 inches. And Tom himself went public saying that he had Arnold Shwarzenegger to thank for making his tool “look” bigger, even though he lost some 90 pounds. Apparently Arnie has a line of supplements. We predict a Google run on that search. Apparently, Roseanne and Tom have stopped the endless Twitter rants against one another. Tom’s opinion? He’s a medium. And, in reference to Roseanne’s barbs, he’s said that even a jumbo jet would look small if it landed in the Grand Canyon.
10. Enrique Iglesias
One look into those dark Spanish eyes and most girls would melt. But, apparently, the singer/songwriter and son of singing heartthrob Julio Iglesias, has an extra-small package. This is not a rumor. He Tweets about it and he’s come clean in a number of interviews. He has even joked that he is going to do his own line of extra-small condoms because he finds it difficult to find them small enough. Reportedly, he only goes skinny-dipping if there are no cameras lurking and has also said his worst defect lies below the waist. Somehow, we don’t think his fans will be too bothered. His long-time girlfriend, tennis player Anna Kournikova, hasn’t complained.
9. Ashton Kutcher
The divorce of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore was not a nasty blood bath, but we did get a very strong sense of a woman betrayed. Which is rich, considering Demi’s history. At least one report suggests that Demi got her own back on her ex by showing people pictures of his inadequacies. If you catch our drift. A former love, the late actress Brittany Murphy, blabbed the news on a talk show way back when. She said the Kutcher/Moore marriage showed that age didn’t matter to him and size didn’t matter to her. She later apologized. All that aside, we’d love to get a look at Demi’s scrapbook. Mila Kunis certainly doesn’t seem to be complaining. The couple recently welcomed a daughter, Wyatt.
8. Nick Lachey
The woman John Mayer called “Sexual Napalm” has dished the verdict on singer/ songwriter and ex-lover boy Nick Lachey. She has said that the former member of boy band 98 Degrees is definitely packing light. In fact, his equipment was so economical, she couldn’t feel anything the first time they made love and that she faked the whole thing. That’s an ouch big time for our Nick. She claims to have gotten over it, but we wonder. Nick moved on and married Vanessa Minnillo in 2011, and the couple are proud parents of two children.
7. Ben Affleck
Have you heard the one about the length of fingers telling you something? Like the size down under? Ben Affleck was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Of The Year, not too long ago. But according to his Armageddon co-star Michael Clarke Duncan, he’s nothing to write home about when he sheds his clothes. Lest you jump to conclusions, his eye witness reports stem from certain Armageddon film scenes. He reportedly was not impressed and, while thinking Ben is totally cool, told him,”This is it, huh?”. Clarke also threw in that the editors of People obviously hadn’t seen him naked. Okay, Michael, we get it. So, nobody’s perfect. Not even Argo. Or Batman, for that matter.
6. Jude Law
No wonder Robert Downey Jr.’s Dr. Watson in the Sherlock Holmes franchise smiles a lot. The guy apparently gets no end of action. In March of 2015, he welcomed his fifth child, a daughter, with an ex-girlfriend. And remember his cheating on Sienna Miller with his nanny a few years back? So, what’s he got going for him? Well, rumor is not much. Revealing pictures of the star on IDon’tLikeYouInThatWay makes it pretty clear that sexy, randy Jude is packing light. His former nanny, who has incredibly gone on to set up her own nanny agency, has said he was “masterful” in the sack. So, maybe he has developed his technique? Maybe it’s the smile that does it.
5. Shia LaBeouf
The Transformer star has gone public, telling Playboy Magazine he is not well endowed. One report uncharitably said that was code for tiny. But, it gets even weirder. When he was up for a part in Danish director Lars Von Trier’s 2014 film Nymphomaniac, he sent the director pictures of his equipment and sex tapes taken with his girlfriend in order to get the nod to play Jerome in the flick. Now, since Von Trier has never been content with simulating anything in his films, the bedroom scenes must have been “interesting”. Apparently, they blurred the stuff that was illegal.
4. Mick Jagger
Old rockers never die, they just write best selling memoirs. And with Keith Richards of Rolling Stones fame, his 2010 book Life, told some juicy tales. He joked that 60’s singer Marianne Faithful, now Sir Mick Jagger’s lover way back when, could not have much fun with Mick’s “tiny todger”. Now, Sir Mick didn’t take that one lying down. He demanded an apology before agreeing to the band’s 50th anniversary tour. Apparently, he got it, but everybody was kind of vague on whether the joke was just that or closer to the truth. Mick certainly got a lot of action back in the day. His ex-wife Jerry Hall called the aging rocker a “sexual predator”.
3. Nasty Nas
In 2005, rapper/model/serial lover Karrine “Superhead” Steffans published Confessions of a Video Vixen. It was on The New York Times Best Sellers List, peaking at number 5. Why? Well, in it she rated her many, many celebrity lovers in terms of their performance and the size of their equipment. Apparently, Diddy (Puff Daddy) was average. Will Smith had ample assets and rapper Jay-Z got the thumbs down. Rapper Nasty Nas, together with bad boy rapper KRS-One, flunked in the size department and were judged “small”. With the number of lovers in the list, we wonder how on earth she had time to write a book.
2. Howard Stern
Like Enrique Iglesias, Howard Stern has loudly and publicly proclaimed the smallness of his equipment. The shock jock and Sirius XM Radio talk show host everybody loves to hate has gone very public about having a small willy. One report says he told radio audiences it was all of 3 inches. In fact, he has said he toyed with the idea of calling his 1997 movie Private Parts, just P**is. He said that if the movie reached the number one spot then headlines would read, “Howard Stern’s P***s is Number One. We think we like the way his mind works.
1. Daniel Radcliffe
Daniel Radcliffe is all grown up. Back when he was still working on the Harry Potter franchise, he put down his marker for seriously serious acting and appeared in the play Equis. It’s an unpleasant tale, the plot of which we will pass over here, but involves a scene where our Daniel struts on stage in his birthday suit. What’s with the little thing down there, someone reportedly asked. Apparently, Daniel put the shrinkage down to nerves or cold or some such. Never mind, we still remember you as the pint sized wizard. Our little boy.
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