Last weekend the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber was filmed, and while it hasn’t been shown to the public yet, jokes have already surfaced and they were as vicious as everyone hoped. Bieber started out as a talented young man but, in the eyes of many, has become a pompous, arrogant, offensive figure of everything wrong with fame and fortune. A foul attitude, coupled with run-ins with the law and of course, incidents such as spitting on fans from his hotel room are among the events that hurt his public image.
During his roast, celebrity roasters ranging from Snoop Dogg to the comedian known for these events, Jeff Ross tore into Bieber, hilariously insulting everything from his musical career to his sex life and all other aspects of his time in the spotlight. Bieber took it like a champ and while roastmaster Kevin Hart said he thought the young singer was tearing up, Bieber fired back, and even admitted that his behavior has been out of hand, implying a change in his future. Whether it happens or not, remains to be seen.
These roasts started out as filmed events held by the New York Friars’ Club, and while they are not put on by Comedy Central, little has changed. Hours of insult humor is something truly special and these events feature everything from hilarious one-liners to genuinely beautiful moments. Over a decade ago, at the Roast of Hugh Hefner, Gilbert Gottfried famously told the joke The Aristocrats; a disturbing and absurd anti-joke previously known by only comedians. More recently, in 2012, Roseanne Barr’s roast saw Tom Arnold, from whom she had dramatically divorced, show up to sing her praises.
While they are rare, they are among the funniest televised events when they do happen. Looking to the future of these events, here are twelve big stars who we would love to see on roasted in the future. It takes a special kind of person to put up with the brutal comments and insults, but they also need to be a renowned celeb and usually one who needs to be taken down a peg. If our list looks different from yours, forgive us and put your own additions in the comments section. Furthermore, keep in mind that this is not just a list of celebs we don’t like; after all, you only roast the one’s you love.
12. Ozzy Osbourne
We start our list off with the Prince of Darkness. Ozzy Osbourne is widely considered the father of heavy metal music and as such, one of the most influential rock musicians of the last several decades. With that said, there is plenty about his life that is “roastable”. The fact that he can hardly talk coherently and the events of his reality TV show are among them, as is some of the laughable music he has produced in his later career. “I Don’t Wanna Stop” and “God Is Dead” are better than most of what is passed off as tunes these days but they still crumble when compared to gems like “Crazy Train” and “Bark at the Moon”.
Best of all, Ozzy himself would probably have a great time, and has shown himself to be able to take a joke and laugh at himself.
11. Tom Cruise
A roast featuring Tom Cruise would be like climbing a mountain or wrestling a grizzly bear. It would be hard to do, but very worth it. He went from Maverick to the star of Mission: Impossible to a batty Scientology enthusiast jumping all over Oprah’s furniture. He’s been all over the news for ages and has had about as many bad moments as good. Seeing as how many jokes would be aimed at his religion however, it is doubtful that he would sign on for a roast unless such jokes were off limits.
10. Tom Brady
The New York Friars Club has hosted a few athlete roasts, but none have been featured on Comedy Central. Boxer Rocky Marciano was roasted back in the early 1960’s and more recently, former quarterbacks Boomer Esiason and Terry Bradshaw got the royal treatment in 2014 and 2015, respectively.
Of active NFL quarterbacks, none leads a more public life than Tom Brady. You become a male model, marry a supermodel and win four Super Bowls, and you have taken a real step into the spotlight. Brady has enough going for him that it is doubtful whether a roast would shake his confidence, but if a member of the Patriots does get roasted, maybe it should be coach Bill Belichick, to see if he’ll crack a smile.
9. Miley or Billy Ray Cyrus
These two are listed together because Miley Cyrus would make for a great roast for her evolution from a child star to a star one cannot show a child, and her father deserves a roast for raising her. In fact, these two might be a good pair of candidates to be roasted as a duet, but we aren’t sure whether such an idea would catch on. Then again, with regard to timing, it may be a good idea to wait until Miley’s first real meltdown before scheduling hours of public ridicule.
8. Anyone From Jersey Shore
These cretins make the list for a couple of reasons; firstly, because they have drifted somewhat out of the limelight and because they need to be smack-talked for a few hours, even if it is simply in hopes of bringing them down a couple of notches. Jersey Shore was one of those polarizing shows that was as loved as it was hated; featuring a cast of attractive, charismatic young people who were arrogant and dumber than a bag of hammers.
Whether you love or hate “Snooki” and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, either one would make a good target for a group of seasoned insult comics. At this point, please recall Donald Trump’s roast during which Situation bombed like the Enola Gay in 1945. If you didn’t get that reference, you’ve watched too much of shows like Jersey Shore and should go to a library.
7. Eddie Murphy
While he has retreated from the limelight in recent years, Eddie Murphy is one of the greatest comedians of all time, and roasting him would be a perfect way to remember an amazing career. For those who don’t remember, before he did silly, family-friendly comedies, Eddie Murphy was one of the dirtiest comedians in the business, known back in the 1980’s for jokes that would see him banned from clubs today, such as his hypothetical impersonation of a homosexual Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton, and his lengthy description of a conversation with Bill Cosby. If you still have no idea what I’m talking about, watch “Delirious” and “Raw”, then you too will want to see an Eddie Murphy Roast.
The Material Girl is another celeb who is just such a huge name that it is time she sat down and took a good roasting. Recently, she joined the newly roasted Justin Bieber on The Ellen Degeneres Show. She has been one of the most successful women in show business since her start back in the late 70’s, but her refusal to stop is becoming something at which people can poke fun. Her overall career and the fact that she’s still touring, are impressive and deserve celebration, but certain aspects of her personal life and public persona, along with some of her undertakings such as the movie Swept Away, make perfect targets for some public ribbing.
5. Arnold Schwarzenegger
It doesn’t need to be repeated, as many have said it before: Schwarzenegger is probably one of the most accomplished men of the last century or two. Most famous people can achieve success in one or two walks of life, but the “Governator” was Mr. Universe, has acted in many massive hit movies, and has served as Governor of California. Forget singing, acting and dancing as a “triple-threat”; body building, acting and political leadership is a more impressive trio.
The Terminator star is proud of his accomplishments, but he is also able to take a joke. George Carlin and Friends Roast Arnold Schwarzenegger, is an album made a few years ago, but it was not well-received because, well, it just wasn’t funny. From his voice, to his acting and political careers, he would make a great roastee.
4. Hulk Hogan
Hulk Hogan was one of the roasters who took shots at David Hasselhoff back in 2010, but we think he’d have a great time sitting down and being the center of attention. From his wacky, flashy persona in the wrestling ring, to his acting, musical, reality television and business ventures, there is plenty to talk about and plenty to celebrate. Of course, whenever anyone has been in showbiz for nearly four decades (Hogan started wrestling back int he 70’s), there is plenty to laugh about.
3. Bill Gates
The New York Friars Club has roasted a couple of entrepreneurs; namely Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump. Four years ago, Trump was lampooned again by Comedy Central. The richest man in the world might have better things to do with his time than sit back and be insulted for two hours, but given his notoriously quirky personality, it is not unreasonable to think audiences would get a great kick out of a night of jokes at his expense.
While he is known as the most successful entrepreneur of all time, stories of him sliding on banisters in his house, eating chicken with a spoon and of course, his horrific driving record, show a man who is not only brilliant but also an eccentric personality.
2. Paris Hilton
This almost goes without saying, but a group of roasters would have an absolute field day with Paris Hilton. While her willingness to subject herself to a roast is questionable, as is her ability to poke fun at herself, the finished product would be gold. Her sex tape, reality television career, singing career and of course, the idea of her being “famous because of someone else’s hard work” all combine to make a heaping pile of fodder for comedians.
1. Kanye West
This was a tough one because to be roasted, one has to be able to take a joke. While Kanye has a reputation for taking himself very seriously, it is unclear whether he would put his ego aside for a night to let some comedians tear into him. I included him in this list because if Justin Bieber can take a night of it, so can Kanye. If his roast did ever take place, we’d bet that more than one roaster would reference “Imma let you finish” and Kim Kardashian’s notorious sex tape.
West is one of the most talented rappers in the business but his God-complex is enough for us to call for him to be taken down a few pegs.
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