Since the dawning of mainstream media, women’s bodies have been scrutinized, criticized and picked to absolute shreds by spectators. Men on the other hand (for the most part), don’t face nearly as much pressure as females do to adhere to a beauty standard or body ideal. For example, men can get away with not removing body hair for weeks on end without ridicule, but let a woman try that, and it’s an instant romance killer. Men are even legally permitted to be topless in public without the fear of sexual assault. In short, guys have it way easier than girls. Now, it’s the men’s turn to be judged for their bodies.
Sure, the word hideous sounds kinda harsh; maybe even a little offensive, but not nearly as offensive as the 11 stomach churning images you’re about to see, of male celebs who just don’t seem to give a damn how they’re perceived physically. It’s one thing to let yourself go, but to put it on display for vacationers looking forward to beautiful ocean scenery is just plain inconsiderate. Taking care of your physical body and appearance shouldn’t be considered vain. In actuality, it depicts respect for the temple that is your body. The plus side of eating healthy and actively working out, is a great body you can show off. Consider a 6 pack a bonus for healthy living. Here are 11 total eye sore celebrity beach bods: Men’s edition. Be warned, it’s not a pretty sight.
11. Connor Cruise
Son of Tom Cruise, Connor Cruise was photographed while vacationing in Mexico last year looking much heavier than he used to. The young Disc Jockey, only 20 years of age, has already seemingly let himself go, which is unusual for young aspiring actors in Hollywood like himself. As we know, most young men his age typically spend countless hours in the gym working on their physique. Connor on the other hand, appears to spend most of his time at all you can eat buffets, instead working on his appetite.
10. Dog The Bounty Hunter
Duane Chapman better known as ‘Dog The Bounty Hunter’, looks to be in his third trimester while photographed on vacation in Maui. There’s nothing unsightly about frolicking on the beach while in your third trimester like Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio, and Matthew McConaughey’s wife Camila Alvez, have been captured doing. The difference being that those two were actually pregnant women. As seen above, the 62 year old, sun burned reality TV star clearly couldn’t be bothered to don a T-shirt or wet-suit like the plus sized Jonah Hill has had the decency to do in the past.
9. Michael Cera
The never aging Michael Cera had to do a beach scene while filming Crystal Fairy & The Magical Cactus, back in 2013 to our disappointment. The then 25 year old scrawny, un-toned, un-tanned actor could easily be mistaken for a middle schooler. A middle schooler, or the albino lead in the 1995 SciFi, Powder. Now truthfully this wouldn’t be such a horrible look for a prepubescent boy, but for a 25 year old man, it’s just pitiful. Michael’s excuse could be that he was playing a character, but every role he’s ever played has had the exact same body image. We’re just saying.
8. James Franco
We can all agree that James Franco is one of the funny characters in Hollywood, so maybe he doesn’t have to care about what he looks like in a bathing suit, never mind butt naked. The This is the End actor is notorious for posting hilarious pictures on his Instagram account, many of which are with co-star and friend, Seth Rogen, and he really seems to embrace his rather soft, un-toned body. Although his fans probably don’t care about Franco not hitting up the gym on a regular basis, it definitely wouldn’t hurt for him to look at his younger brother, Dave Franco, for some inspiration.
7. Adam Sandler
Funny man Adam Sandler is a lot easier to stomach with his shirt on. The 48 year old comedian can frequently be seen enjoying much of his free time on the sandy beach, where he can never be bothered to cover up that well fed gut with a wet-suit or T-shirt. With an astounding $300 million net worth, the successful comedy film star would prefer to spend his money on personal chefs instead of personal trainers. Really, would it hurt to do a sit up or two Adam?
6. Bruce Jenner
While he still qualifies for the list and fits under the pronoun he (only for a little while longer now), former Olympian Bruce Jenner’s beach body isn’t much to look at. It’s actually rather painful to look at if you stare too long. Recent reports allege that the reality TV star plans to change his name to something beginning with a K once his transformation from male to female is complete, like his Kardashian step children and two youngest daughters. If he uses Kylie’s plastic surgeon, we’re in for a totally unrecognizable brand new woman.
5. Simon Baker
The Mentalist star Simon Baker has seemingly packed on a few extra pounds recently, expanding his once trim waistline by an unsightly 10″ and making his once chiseled physique appear much less appealing to us fans. The photos were captured earlier this year while on vacation in Bondi, Australia, and in pics taken earlier that morning, the actor is wisely seen surfing in a wet-suit, before making the unwise decision to remove the wet-suit.
4. Kelsey Grammer
Frasier star Kelsey Grammar should really consider buying swimwear that includes a top piece. The actor and producer is considered to have one of the worst beach bodies in Hollywood (we’re not arguing). While vacationing in Miami, Kelsey was photographed alongside much more in shape wife Kayte Walsh, who’d recently given birth to their 8 month old daughter mind you. Kelsey also looks as though he was the one who carried the child, like the number eight entry on our list, Brian Austin Green.
3. Jonathan Cheban
Kim Kardashian’s best friend and side kick Jonathan Cheban, was photographed on vacation in Miami with girlfriend at the time Anat Popovsky with quite the protruding belly. His lady friend on the other hand, looked fit and summer ready, unlike the bloated Jonathan. The socialite by association made headlines last year when he came to bff Kim Kardashian’s defense after hater Naya Rivera criticized Kim for posing nude a year after giving birth. Jonathan called Naya a “Kim Kardashian wannabe.”
2. Jack Nicholson
Movie star Jack Nicholson is one of the worst offenders on the list, frequently putting his thoroughly out of shape body on display while enjoying tropical weather. The last thing anyone wants on a family vacation is for grandpa to take his top off on the beach. The 77 year old very clearly has no body image hang ups, and at nearly 80 years old, maybe the One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest actor has earned it. Still though, it wouldn’t hurt to at least wear a wife beater to the beach.
1. Steven Tyler
Now, Steven Tyler is by no means a heavy set man. On the contrary, he’s actually one of those older gentleman who probably needs a bottle of Ensure or two in the morning just to maintain his weight, but we just can’t seem to explain these man boobs on the 73 year old rock legend. Really it ought to be just as illegal for men with man boobs to be topless in public as it is for women. The Aerosmith front man said it best on the 1987 smash single; dude looks very much like a lady.
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