Regardless of your age, movies are bound to be a big part of your life. It is only normal, as the film industry has created bridges among different races, different countries and different people too. When made to perfection, a movie could earn you millions. However, psycho stories that have you questioning your eyesight (With the disbelief, “Am I really watching this happen on TV?”) and the script writer’s or director’s sanity, are less appreciated among the general public. These movies usually turn out so horrible, they become funny. Several movies that are made in other countries are a spectacle too, only for the wrong reasons. Death-defying and gravity-betraying stunts are a little hard to digest, you see. As a matter of fact, we wonder how scientists and physicists watch these movies without cursing the directors and producers.
Having mentioned bad movies, we have decided to also mention horrible movies that never made it to the TV screens. These were cancelled out at some point or another, either because the script didn’t get a pass, or because the actors themselves realized that the movie idea was lame. While there were a few international almost-made movies that seemed fascinating to us (one was about a face-off between Godzilla and Superman), we have decided on mentioning some Hollywood movies-that-did-not-happen names. As you wonder about whether Superman would have won, or if Godzilla would have crushed him like a flat bread, take a look at our list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made.
10. Stray Dawgz
Apparently, Darryl Quarles had a dream – a dream of making a werewolf/beast based movie. Reported to have earned the name Stray Dawgz (come again. Stray what? Please give us your address, good sir, for we have to buy you a dictionary), this almost-made movie earns a spot on this list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made.
Daryl mentioned that Ice Cube was supposed to star in this movie. While Ice Cube (We don’t really understand why he would take up that name) excels in comedy genre movies, we aren’t too sure if the idea of fighting beasts would suit him. Also, Daryl, you need to stick to the likes of gig mommas (Big Momma. Geddit?).
9. Jurassic Park 4
Okay, let’s be honest here. How many people liked the entire Jurassic Park franchise? While the first part was an original and thrilling movie that had us clutching our chests (hyperventilating at every dinosaur scene, of course), the latter two parts were not as exciting. An almost-made fourth part of the franchise, has landed itself in the 9th place on this list.
Said to be William Monaghan’s idea, this Jurassic Park movie was planned to be the ultimate s**t. How did he plan to execute the plan? By adding humanoid dinosaurs, of course. Wow, how very genius of you, William! The idea of this extinct species was bizarre enough. Need you prove that you are out of ideas?
8. Green Lantern
We have a question for those of you who were a wee bit disappointed with Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern: Would it have been better if someone else were to act in Ryan’s place? Even if your answer is yes, we are certain that dragging someone like Jack Black into this isn’t what you want. Or is it?
In 8th place on our list is the Jack Black version of the movie. Robert Smigel was said to have come up with the script that had Jack, as the supposed-to-be-green-and-awesome-and-definitely-in-shape hero. That does not come as a surprise, as Robert himself is a comedian. Even though we have not read the script, we have an inkling that it involves Jack Black making his infamous faces (Please refer to the picture above).
7. Se7en Sequel
We understand that there are some people who loved watching the mysterious and vague storyline of Se7en. Although, we are a little lost. Imagine a person tilting their head, 90 degrees to the left and to the right, trying to make out the plot of the movie. Yes, that was us. A sequel planned for Se7en comes in at 7th place on our list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made.
Supposedly, the sequel was said to have Morgan Freeman blessed with psychic powers to help the cops. Almost like a cross between the Ghost Whisperer and NCIS, only ten times creepier. Yeah, definitely not watching it. We are glad that David Fincher decided to say a no to the idea of a sequel.
6. E.T. Sequel
Right after the fame gathered by the E.T. movie, the creators of the movie decided, “Okay, so we need to come up with a smack-in-the-head script for the sequel.” Having a new, bizarre story written on it, this sequel earns a spot on this list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made.
There are several crazy factors working for this script. Instead of listening to a story of this massive idiocy, allow us to sum up the script in one line: the movie was supposed to include albino, spooky aliens, hating on E.T., Just because. Thankfully, Steven Spielberg decided to put a stop to the madness, hence shelving the idea of a sequel.
5. Genghis Khan
Probably infuriating the Asian community, Steven Seagal’s Genghis Khan has landed itself at number 5 on our list. While this may seem like quite a normal matter for some of you, in reality, it is nothing like that.
So, it seems that Stevie woke up one morning and thought to himself, “Hmm, I look sensationally Asian. So, why not pretend to be a kick-ass Asian warrior, in a movie?” He went to the extent of shifting to China, asking random people to audition for roles as his momma, pops and soldiers. But somehow, no one seems to have pointed it out to the man that he does not have even one drop of Asian blood in himself.
4. Indiana Jones sequel
A franchise that has had tons of fans fawning over it, every time a movie gets released, Indiana Jones has had tens of scripts. Although, the ones that have failed to be made into movies is a different story entirely. A sequel that was suggested for this franchise, has landed itself on this list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made.
While there are several bizarre sequel scripts to choose from, our favorite has to be the one that had Jones battle aliens. In the script, they were referred as “saucer men”. See, this is why aliens don’t visit us. Another lame script contained action with tree frogs. Just like vampire stories, it seems that a man was bitten by a tree frog, turning into Tree Frog Man. How cool… Not.
3. Forrest Gump Sequel
A movie that touched our hearts, Forrest Gump could not have been more beautifully made. However, a sequel was rumored about, earning a spot on our list. The reason is quite obvious; you just DON’T ruin a good movie with a crappy sequel.
How did we know that the sequel was heading towards being an utter disappointment? Well, imagine Forrest going through a roller coaster ride of a life (Yes, he already had that working out for him, in the original movie, but do read on). Apparently, Forrest deals with the perks of inventing some soft drink, dancing with Princess Diana and keeping an orangutan for a pet (you can go ahead and scratch your head, we sure did). Purportedly, Eric Roth, (writer – producer) gave in the script for this sequel, right after the 9/11 incident. Naturally, no one was bothered with working on it afterwards. Maybe this was a sign from above.
2. Westworld Remake
The original movie was a little weird in itself, showing how people would pay tons of cash, only to fiddle around with robots. Mind you, all of this was done in secret; the robot-obsessed crazies would pretend to spend a fortune on hookers instead (or something like that). Why would someone want to make a remake of such a movie? We fail to comprehend.
The never-made remake of Westworld comes in at 2nd place on this list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made. We understand that Arnold Schwarzenegger has had his share of bad time on TV, either in the form of movies or sometimes, even commercials. Even then, we want to question him why he was to be directed in this remake. The stupidest bit? He was to be a cowboy robot.
1. Superman Lives
A bat crazy take on Superman, this idea of a movie comes in at number 1 on this list of 10 of the worst movies Hollywood almost made. Sure, it may seem like a great idea, especially to Superman-obsessed people.
Apparently, Warner Brothers wished to make this part of the Superman franchise, focusing on Nicolas Cage to star as the hero (imagine that). The script was supposed to have Nicolas punching Coca-Cola-hating polar bears, wearing a different suit entirely, watching Lex Luther pet a space dog, avoiding flying, and much more. Sit back and absorb all of that absurdity. Warner Brothers came up with another sequel idea for the Superman movie, earlier on (clearly, it was a series of bad storylines). That one had Superman’s spirit transferring to an embryo, after his death. Later, this baby is born, growing into Superman in a matter of days. Major growth spurt or what? Guess who gave birth to this new Superman, only to die afterwards? The one and only, Lois Lane. Oh, because arriving into the world normally (compared to via your lover’s womb) is too mainstream.