Ok, we admit it – it’s kind of nuts to have a crush on a video game character. Kate Upton’s turn as the Game of War “Spokes-princess” is one thing because it’s basically impossible not to have one on her if you’re, like, alive. But your actual, average video game femme fatale? They’re mostly just pixels and pre-programmed dialogue. There’s usually not much there to talk about.
Let’s not forget the silliness factor either. Anyone out there who likes Peach or Daisy from the Mario-verse has spent entirely too much time being hit on the head by Donkey Kong or Bowser. Leaving out the fact that you’d really hurt Mario’s feelings if he knew you liked Peach, the characters themselves are pretty boring. Not exactly hot-gaming date material, if you know what we mean.
However, there are a select few video game vixens who are just too hot not to notice. Whether because they kick-ass on a virtual battlefield, appeal to our intellect or are just plain cool, here are 10 Sexy Video Game Vixens You Need To See.
10. Elika – Prince of Persia
Here’s why Elika is one of the hottest video game vixens ever. Well, apart from the fact that with her brunette hair, pouty lips and revealing white “dress” (or whatever that thing is) she’s super hot. Or the fact that she mysteriously appears to help you from out of the middle of a sandstorm. But seriously, whenever your character the Prince is about to die, Elika saves you. Literally. From whatever it is that’s about to get you. Talk about having a strong woman by your side! How hot is it that she’s willing to do whatever it takes, over and over, to save your sorry gamer’s butt? Pretty hot.
9. Sonya Blade – Mortal Kombat
Yeah, yeah, we know, another hot chick who can pull off the whole beret thing. Sonya’s pretty special though, as she was the first female character in the original Mortal Kombat game and might just have magical powers (her Wonder Woman style bracelets that shoot “pink” projectiles). Her look has changed throughout the franchise’s history but her classic sports bra look is probably still the sexiest. Of course, like many super hot video game ladies, if you spend too much time staring at the sports bra you’ll never notice the holsters, sap gloves and other accouterments of hand-to-hand fighting she brings to the table.
8. Lara Croft – Tomb Raider
With the movie reboot coming in 2017, Lara Croft is primed to hold her top spot as the sexiest gaming character of all-time. She’s old school and yet has still managed to stay hip. Perhaps it’s those hips of hers. You know, the ones with the pistols strapped to them. Or maybe it’s those tight tank-tops leading her through all kinds of danger, if you get our drift. In recent years, Lara’s measurements have morphed into something a little bit less outrageously Barbie-ish while gamers have seen more focus on her intelligence, native wit and survival skills. The super hot Angelina Jolie, who played her in the first two movies, probably had something to do with that. The character is definitely still hot and still has a body too good to be true (duh, she’s in a video game) but at least her designers have made her more realistic, which we actually think makes her sexier. That and the fact that it says “Tomb Raider” on her business cards.
7. Samus Aran – Metroid
Another OG leading lady of the gaming world, Samus somehow has managed to make survival suits sexy. Of course, it didn’t hurt that back in the day we had no idea that she even was a woman until the suit finally came off. Apparently that suit made her literally hot, what with the 8-bit bikini she was wearing underneath it. Talk about scorching! It would almost be worth it to be hit by the awesome arm-cannon if you knew it was Samus pulling the trigger. Samus gets extra coolness points for spending an awful lot of screen time on her own kicking interstellar butt where no one else dared to go in the Metroid-verse. The power suit, of course, remains one of her best “features.” And as the series has evolved, her looks have evolved along with it, becoming ever more realistic.
6. Tifa Lockhart – Final Fantasy VII
She’s a bartender. But she doesn’t just stack glasses, she is stacked. Like she’s gonna fall over stacked. She almost always wears a black miniskirt. Did we mention she’s a bartender? Tifa has a pretty desperate backstory but who really cares? What matters is that this video game vixen will serve you plenty of booze while giving you a sympathetic ear and a nice long look at her “assets.” One thing to remember about this hottie, though, boys, she’s also a secret member of something called AVALANCHE (whose base is in her bar’s basement, of course) and she will kick your butt if you get too frisky. Probably with her brass knuckles. Talk about tough love.
5. Jill Valentine – Resident Evil
She may look like the “Girl Next Door” but Jill Valentine is one chick you don’t want to mess with. It might have seemed far-fetched when the series first came out to have a main female character who was a former Delta Force operative and all-around military bad-ass but, as women in the real armed forces have seen their combat roles increased, Jill is something of a revelation. We’re pretty sure she’s the hottest woman we’ve seen in army-regulation short hair as well. As far as Jill’s skills, given that no one likes zombies, it’s nice to know that Jill excels at taking them out from either long range or up close. The real reason she always looks so damn hot doing it? We think it’s the beret.
4. Rayne – Bloodrayne
Alright, first of all, let’s get one thing straight: Rayne is a vampire. We don’t care that the series says she’s something called a Dhampir, kind of a half-vampire, but when she’s in full-on fighting mode she sure acts like a honest-to-goodness vampire. Fortunately for us, she’s not only a good vampire but also pretty damn hot. Although, come to think of it, when’s the last time anyone saw a female vampire that wasn’t hot? Rayne (or Agent Bloodrayne if you’re feeling formal) is definitely on the “dark side” of hot (think Goth meets Gay Leather Bar) but she still manages to wear some pretty revealing outfits, perfect for a hot night on the town. Killing vampires, yes, but stil just watch out for those arm-blades of hers!
3. Juliet Starling – Lollipop Chainsaw
We admit it. Juliet is the outlier in this bunch of vixens from long-running, famous franchises. But what’s not to like about an 18-year-old chainsaw-wielding blondie who spends her high school days going after zombies with a vengeance. We won’t get into the whole creepiness aspect over the fact that she wears her dead boyfriend’s head on her belt. The boyfriend she had to decapitate with that chainsaw when he went all zombie on her. Why dwell on that when we can instead focus on her hot cheerleader’s outfit and her pigtails.
2. Meryl Silverburgh – Metal Gear
If you’re gonna do a list of hottest female gaming characters you’ve got to include at least one from Metal Gear, the long running shoot-‘em-up Special forces game. There’s plenty to choose from but our choice has to be Meryl, the no-nonsense, headband wearing leader of “Rat Patrol.” Like some other ladies on this list, Meryl is a career soldier, dedicated to preserving peace and justice, whatever it takes. Unlike the other ladies on the list, she’s also a redhead, which makes her uniquely hot. Unlike the women you run into in real life, Meryl has been known to say things such as she feels more comfortable with her favorite pistol in her hand than wearing a bra. Hot!
1. Princess Peach – Mario Bros.
Alright, alright. Yes, we made fun of her but it’s almost impossible not to include Peach on this list. She is absolutely the classic damsel in distress. How could we not find her hot? Doesn’t everybody want to save the princess and live happily ever after? We know Peach might not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree and she can be downright nasty if you have to face her in Mario Kart but she has been around for decades now, always waiting for her Prince Charming (or at least a weird, little, mustachioed plumber) to save her. So, really what’s not to like about that? And if we sometimes wish she would get a sexier, stylish updated look? Well, that’s just the way things go in the gaming world.