Oh, Game of Thrones, you kill our favourite characters, you let bastards like Ramsay rule and you keep Daenerys away from Westeros…we love you, yet you frustrate us. So after seeing Hodor hold that door, witnessing Bran royally screw up everything once again and watching Jon Snow rise up from the dead, we now want battles; and lots of them!
One thing is for sure, in this world, you are never dead until your head is removed from your body. This means that there are some characters who remain out there and are waiting to exact revenge on those who drove a knife through their chest. Is Lady Stoneheart out there? Sandor Clegane? What happens when they pop up once again?
But what really interests us are the battles that should be fought. Some characters just hate each other and have done so for the majority of the 6 seasons. Remember the fight between Ned and Jaime? Gregor and Oberon? Sam and the white walker? These are the points where we get to see who is not only the better fighter but also who truly deserved to live and die.
The real question though is, when given the chance, which two characters would you pit against one another in a battle to the death? Which armies should duke it out in glory? Read on, and if you have any other suggested battles please pop them in the comments section. Let’s hope Mr. Martin has a look.
10. The Hound vs. The Mountain
They may be brothers, but they’d happily beat the living s**t out of one another. The Clegane boys have been through some trying times: the last time we saw Sandor he was left for dead after a battle with our favourite woman-beast Brienne, and Gregory is…well…some monster that seems to have been revived by Qyburn. Either way, as we know with Game of Thrones you’re not dead until your head tumbles away from your body (and even then you’re a sneaky chance to survive). The brothers hate each other. When they were children, Sandor was playing with one of Gregor’s toys, so Gregor burned half his face off; totally reasonable reaction. That was as kids, imagine as adults. Both men have sawed normal sized people in half with their swords. A battle to the death would be jaw-dropping and while we’d all want Sandor to win, but something tells me Gregor’s new form is hard to kill…
9. Arya vs. Cersei
As much as it may not happen, Cersei is on Arya’s list and that list is apparently going to dwindle before the season is up. In a one-on-one battle with weaponry, Arya would easily win due to her training. But as we know with Cersei, it’s never easy to put her down. She would likely throw guards at Arya until they were all impaled by Needle. And then we could watch as the show’s original bitch is skewered, but Arya is nobody right now. The girl doesn’t have a last name. Can we trust that she’ll really let go of her identity and become a nobody to serve some multi-faced god? Place Cersei in front of Arya, and no matter her training she will still give us one of the best scenes we will ever see on the show, Cersei’s comeuppance. But at the moment, each character has a different battle to fight. Though that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t love to see Arya lay a smackdown on Cersei.
8. Littlefinger vs. Varys
It would probably be a battle of speech, but what a debate it would be! Littlefinger against missingcock would see every secret of Westeros revealed within a matter of minutes. Each man has a tongue that could slay a beast. They were once on the same council together, serving for Robert Baratheon in what feels like a hundred years ago. Now they are on opposing sides of the world with very different visions for who should sit upon that Iron Throne. There is a theory circling the internet that suggests these two men will be the last to remain in King’s Landing, with everyone slain around them after a battle that featured every last hero and villain remaining in the show, but what would be said? Would they call a truce to live on in peace? Littlefinger has lost his affiliation with the Starks while Varys only true friend is Tyrion. One thing is for sure, when these men are desperate, anything can happen.
7. Euron Greyjoy vs. Daenerys’ Counsellors
He’s sailing across the sea with one hand shielding the sun and the other pulling at his cock. Euron thinks that Daenerys will accept his marriage proposal and sail to Westeros to take the Iron Throne, but our Khaleesi doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do by men (as we saw very recently). Ser Jorah, Daario and Grey Worm are capable fighters, and will likely do battle with any man that tries to stick his…army…where it doesn’t belong. This battle is sure to happen, especially because Dany needs a fleet, but what she doesn’t need is another cocky husband that will take the Iron Throne for himself. She’s learned much since her early days and marriages, and will simply have one of her trusted counsellors slay this, for lack of a better word, complete dickhead!
6. Tormund vs. Brienne
You know the old game ‘f*** one, kill one, marry one’? Well, Tormund likely wants to do all three with Brienne and this just wouldn’t be Game of Thrones without a fight first. Rugged power meets noble honour. Giants collide. Who would you want to succeed? The internet has gone crazy over these two possibly becoming romantically involved, as Tormund would love to brag about mounting a bear in human form. And to be fair, we had never really seen him smile until he met the Stannis-slayer. But any advances will likely lead to Brienne raising her massive sword rather than opening her armoured blouse. Tormund will say ‘if I beat you, you have to let me slay you’ and all hell will break loose. It’s the scene we all want to happen, and judging by the talks of the show-runners we’re bound to see this take place before season 6 is up.
5. Rickon vs. Tommen
It’s the youngest Stark against the only remaining Lannister incest child. Tommen isn’t quite the prick that Joffrey was, but he’s still a Lannister kid that cries about every little thing that doesn’t go his way. How fitting would it be to see the youngest boys from two of the most powerful families duke it out for the Iron Throne? We’re unsure if Osha trained Rickon during their travels together, but his journey can’t have been a walk in the park. Tommen has hardly left his little room in King’s Landing, so he isn’t likely to be a fighter. But he’s half Jaime, half Cersei, so you would have to expect some form of power deep within. While the likes of Jon Snow, Tyrion and Daenerys are seen as the most fitting candidates from the crown, nobody could say that a final battle between these two for the seat would be a poor finish.
4. Davos vs. Jaime
Maimed versus maimed. These men have been through some trials. Davos lost his fingers to his king in Stannis, and Jaime lost his hand when stolen by bandits. But they’ve become crowd favourites because of their situations, and a sword battle between the onion knight and the kingslayer would be a duel worth waiting for. Why would they fight? This is Game of Thrones, maybe Davos was staring at Cersei’s breasts, or Jaime called Stannis something mean, it doesn’t have to take much! A fight to the death here means a loss of a key character, but maybe Westeros has room for only one maimed man. It is interesting to note that both characters are in limbo, Davos is tagging along with Jon Snow and the red lady since he has nothing else to do, and Jaime just wants to stick a sword into the High Sparrow and shag his sister. What a strange world they live in…
3. Khaleesi vs. King’s Landing
We are all waiting for her to make the voyage across the sea and take the throne for her own, but we’ve been waiting for much too long. Whether it’s by Euron’s assistance or by flying across the sea on her dragons, Daenerys needs to get her booty to King’s Landing and destroy the remaining Lannister hold. Unless High Garden provides some help, this will be a fairly simple battle that will see the Unsullied and the dragons tear apart anything that stands in their way. If they need to re-build the capital of Westeros, so be it, as long as we see Cersei scramble away with her hair on fire in another example of SHAME, SHAME, SHAME. Since leading armies from season 1, we’ve all just been watching Daenerys’ scenes waiting for some progression, yet she filters into city after city liberating them, but we just want her to get to King’s Landing!
2. Dragons vs. White Walkers
That king of the white walkers just struts around like he owns the place. It seems his only match will be with a fire-breathing trio of deadly dragons….hopefully. One thing is for sure, there is nobody in Westeros or beyond that can go toe-to-toe with either of these creatures. Direwolves have died trying, as have wildlings and men alike. There’s a certain giant who packs a punch, but with the power we’ve seen displayed from the white walkers it is almost impossible to back him.
The king may venture past the wall now, since he marked Bran, so it is very likely that ‘Winds of Winter’ refers to his army breaking through the Night’s Watch and wreaking havoc in civilization.
We assume that the dragons would burn the walkers to a crisp, considering they’re all icy and what not, but perhaps it won’t be that simple. Whatever we assume, George R R Martin laughs and then pulls a twist and kills off a main character.
1. Jon Snow vs. Ramsay Bolton
The battle of the bastards. Ultimate hero against the ultimate villain. Ramsay is the most hated character to ever grace Westeros, and anyone that has invested time into the series knows that this is no easy feat: Joffrey can’t believe he was usurped, and by a bastard! But Ramsay and his dogs are just too cruel. Rape, torture, eating babies and chopping off Reek’s undercarriage, he even killed his father, so there is no telling what this guy what stop at to get what he wants, and what he wants is his bride. He provoked Jon with that letter, come and see, by revealing his capture of Rickon and describing what will happen to Sansa when he gets his greasy hands on her. But Jon has seen death. He’s a changed man. If given the chance, he’ll rip Ramsay’s throat out…I mean c’mon, killing the kid who stabbed him was nothing. It’ll be one of the final scenes of the season, and we can’t wait!