For all the sensitive Sallies out there, this article probably isn’t for you. With that out of the way, let us proceed. There are a lot of “tapes” out there – some have even propelled a few nameless celebrities into global fame while others have been scandalous nightmares that almost flat out ruined careers (Rob Lowe). There are “tapes” floating about that we’d rather not see (Dustin Diamond aka “Screech” comes to mind). Then there are all the reports of tapes that we have yet to actually watch, but hope that they might surface at some point soon. We can’t forget all of the tapes that we hope never see a sequel of. Needless to say, if watching celebs do the dirty is your thing, you’ve got a lot to choose from.
But what about all of those hotties who have yet to star in such a film? We’ve compiled a list of a lot of babes that are sure to accommodate everyone’s tastes. Spoiler: No Kardashians have made this list (you can thank us later).
10. Emily Blunt & John Krasinski
A “tape” featuring possibly the cutest and funniest celebrity couple out there is bound to be a hoot and a half, right? It definitely wouldn’t be a s*x tape like any others out there, that is for sure. Emily and John are known for pulling pranks, which they regularly feature on Jimmy Kimmel Live, so you know there would be some surprises in store. We picture surprises of the quirky and kinky variety. Plus, they are just a good looking couple, and that never hurts. They could even bring Jimmy Kimmel into the mix seeing as though they are good friends – now wouldn’t that be a sweet treat.
9. Kate Middleton & Prince William
So, how exactly does a royal princess get down and dirty? Does The Prince feed her crumpets during the act? Does she keep her crown on? Is it anything like how normal, less royal people, do it? These are the questions we really want to know. Inquiring minds demand answers! This would really be more like a social experiment. But then again, let us not forget that Kate Middleton has quite the bod, not to mention a delicious looking rump, which we witnessed after the paparazzi were at the right place at the right time on quite a few occasions, much to the horror of the royal couple.
8. Selena Gomez
First, let’s be clear: Selena Gomez’s Disney days are long behind her – she is now 23 years old and is old enough to have made this list. Now, let’s proceed to why, precisely, she has found herself here. First of all, she’s irresistibly cute and innocent, which many find to be very attractive qualities. She’s also the girl next door type that you could easily see dating yourself. However, Gomez has managed to uphold her squeaky-clean image to the public so a bedroom tape might cause a lot controversy and threaten to ruin her career. On the other hand, it would be sure to please a lot of people at the same time. Note: We do not condone Justin Bieber making an appearance in this film.
Come on now, you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t wonder how the world’s most attractive couple got it on. Although Brad Pitt is a mystery when it comes to the bedroom, Angelina Jolie has been open about her risque past, even admitting that she was sexual all the way back in kindergarten (yes, that seems bizarre). Needless to say, Jolie seems to be dripping in sensuality and a bedroom tape featuring her would definitely be a very kinky one – there is no telling what these two would get up to.
6. Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds
Ahh, sweet and innocent Blake Lively. A lot of people would be happy to see this good looking blonde in a bedroom tape – after all, she is one of the most Googled women on the planet, which makes us think that a lot of those clicks are from those in search of a naughty Blake. But we have yet to see a lot of her goods, although we know they are probably under there. She strikes us as a very classy and traditional kind of lass who would kind of go with the flow, in what would be some classic, good old fashioned fun. Plus, given that Lively is married to Ryan Reynolds, there is the possibility of a Deadpool cameo, which would definitely add a little kick.
5. Megan Fox & Kate Upton
We all know the people that fall into the Megan Fox and Kate Upton trap, so this one is for you. In what could only be an otherworldly dream, we have put them on this list – together. A bedroom tape with Megan Fox would undoubtedly be a very trashy one, but a very necessary kind of tape at the same time. Fox strikes us as being a little dirty as well, so you can guarantee a filthy tape that would make you feel all kinds of shame just watching it. Kate Upton, on the other hand, would add a gracefulness to the film, balancing it out. Naughty and nice? They’re even blonde and brunette – it works on so many levels. We’re betting a film like this could give both of their careers a much-needed boost, too.
4. Emilia Clarke
A lot of people have the hots for the mother of dragons – and rightfully so. She is now considered the Sexiest Woman Alive according to Esquire. Plus we’ve seen what she is capable of when it comes to the boudoir, thanks to HBO’s Game of Thrones. But the point is that we need more – especially after she refused to do any more nude scenes past season one. Life is truly unfair sometimes. Emilia Clarke could even put on her blonde wig and it’d be like watching a bedroom tape of Daenerys Targaryen – it doesn’t get much hotter than that.
3. Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher
Mila Kunis just strikes most as a fine piece of, well, you probably know where we’re going with that one. She’s a vixen. After all, she is on every hottest and sexiest women list out there. We can’t say we’d welcome her better half, Ashton Kutcher, into the mix, but then again, it could make for a great episode of Punk’d. The tape would most certainly have to make sure to show a lot of Kunis’ face for fear of realizing that we were simply watching Meg Griffin get it on, which wouldn’t be fun for anyone.
2. Scarlett Johansson
A tape featuring the sexiest woman on the planet is a no brainer. It would probably sell out in day one. Scarlett Johansson, modern day sex symbol, is dripping in sensuality. Just think of all the stunt work she could put to use after her time playing The Black Widow. There is no doubt that her bedroom tape would be all kinds of wild. And who would be the first one lining up to see such a piece of art? Woody Allen, of course, for he has publicly stated that she is “sexually overwhelming.” Heck, the two have done so many movies together already, why not make the next one explicit?
1. James Franco and Seth Rogen
You were waiting for the big finale, right? Well, here it is. These two gentlemen have already given us a taste of their kind of magic a la Bound 3 Style, simulated s*x on a motorcycle and everything, so needless to say, there’d be a lot in store for this brand of bedroom tape. Plus, James Franco is forever posting racy selfies on Instagram like he’s Kim Kardashian, so you know a tape is bound to happen at some point anyway, it’s just a matter of time.