This past April Fools Day, Frito-Lay pranked the internet by introducing Cheeteau, a Cheeto scented perfume. Marketed as, “a frisky blend of bold notes bursting with sensual, cheesy aromas that unveil an enchanting bouquet reminiscent of the popular snack,” Cheeteau left people wondering who would wear such a strange fragrance. Although Cheeteau was a gag, there are some even more questionable perfumes and colognes on the market that are no joke.
Wearable fragrances have been used since the times of ancient civilization with the goal of making the user smell attractive to people around them. Today, the $27 billion dollar worldwide industry uses ascetic bottling, celebrity endorsements and huge marketing campaigns to garner customers, along with, of course, the actual scent of the fragrance they’re selling. Some of the most popular fragrance notes are floral, citrusy, spicy and earthy. But how about meaty or sweaty? Let’s look at the strangest fragrances out there today.
10) Cannabis Santal
Cannabis Santal by Fresh is a men’s cologne inspired by, yes, the same plant that gives us marijuana. According to the Lev Glazman, the co-founder of Fresh, the scent is “reminiscent of a forbidden cannabis accord, chocolate and musk.” One of the most surprising things about Cannabis Santal, though, is despite that it was made as a men’s cologne, it has become wildly popular among women as well. After this realization, Fresh began to market the cologne as a unisex fragrance.
9) Demeter’s Sushi
Demeter is known for its ‘out-of-the-box fragrances’ and Sushi is one of the most out-there ones. Channeling the scents of rice and seaweed, Demeter chose to leave out a raw fish fragrance in this cologne. Demeter Sushi earned three and a half stars from reviewers on its website, most of whom wrote it had a light, pleasant scent, and only wished it lingered longer! Most sushi fanatics, however, would prefer the dish on a plate, not on their neck!
8) Demeter’s Funeral Home
Funerals are definitely not something that most folks want to reminisce about on a daily basis, but that didn’t stop this other unique fragrance from Demeter, to take off. Earning four and a half stars from their reviewers, Demeter describes ‘Funeral Home’ as a blend of lilies, carnations, gladiolus, chrysanthemums, mahogany and oriental carpet. The result is a very floral cologne, the scent of which reviewers swear is spot-on with its namesake, a funeral home. Most would agree, though, this scent would be better left for dead.
7) Paint by Boudicca
Wode Paint by Boudicca is not just strange because of its scent, but because of its appearance. When the wearer sprays Paint onto themselves, they’re left not only with the smell, but with bright blue ink all over their skin and clothes. Then, the color shortly fades away. Reviewers on Fragrantica.com described the scent to be just as odd as its appearance. With notes of black hemlock, raw opium, juniper berry and cardamon, one reviewer described the scent to reminiscent of leather, another as a dark forest, and yet another as The Blair Witch Project in perfume form. Only the bravest of the brave can pull off wearing Boudicca’s Paint on a daily basis.
6) My DNA Fragrance
My DNA isn’t just one fragrance; instead, the brand creates unique scents for both men and women based off of their actual DNA. Customers have to send in a swab from the inside of their cheek in order to receive their customized bottle. My DNA claims that your own personal scent, similar to your pheromones released in your sweat, is more attractive to the opposite sex than the generic musk or floral found in most perfumes and colognes. In 2009, My DNA took a new turn in order to offer customers not only their own scent, but fragrances extracted from the DNA of celebrities like Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley. Who knows how many people are out there today, wooing their dates by impersonating the scent of the king of pop or rock n’ roll!
5) Comme des Garcons’ Garage
In 2008, Comme des Garcons launched the Series Six Synthetics line of fragrances, with the goal of making scents to go against traditional perfumes. One of the strangest colognes in the line was Garage, which was designed to smell exactly like its name. According to Frarantica.com, Garage contains notes of aldehydes, kerosene, leather, plastic, floral, vetiver and cedar. Although one reviewer complained that it smells like too clean of a garage, and one that it smells more like a construction site, Garage gained popularity amongst nontraditional men who wanted a cologne that made them smell tough, instead of high-fashion. Comme des Garcons’ Series Six Synthetics line also included the fragrances Tar, Dry Clean, Skai and Soda.
4) Flame by Burger King
Flame Cologne, launched by Burger King in 2008, is designed to make you smell like your favorite Whooper. It’s self described as, “the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” This burger-scented fragrance features a flaming heart on the packaging with the tagline, “fire meets desire.” Sold for merely $3.99 per bottle, Flame has been said to smell more like a musky, tarry Axe than actual meat. Even more disturbing than the actual scent might be Flame’s marketing campaign, which featurs a naked Burger King mascot laying in front of a fire place beckoning the viewer to come hither.
3) Eau de Stilton
Eau de Stilton is a blue cheese inspired perfume produced by the one and only, Stilton Cheese Makers Association. The aroma of this unique fragrance was described by Nigel White of the SCMA as, “a very earthy, musky, herby type of background which is very different to the very sweet perfumes you smell wafting down the street as someone walks past you.” Different sure is right, as most perfumes are inspired by things like flowers, not cheese. Eau de Stilton was launched as part of the “Stick on the Stilton” campaign in 2006 that aimed to encourage foodies to eat more blue cheese (and smell like it, too).
Vulva is exactly what it sounds like – a fragrance imitating the scent of a woman’s “intimate area.” The perfume was created as an erotic commodity intended for men to arouse themselves with. Its site advises that you rub the fragrance on the back of your hand for your own sniffing pleasure. However, some claim that women can also wear the scent themselves, in order to attract men’s primal urges. For $33, you can order the scent from Vulva-Original.com shipped to you with discreet packaging.
1) Secretions Magnifiques
And the spot for the number one most horrifying cologne goes to Secretions Magnifiques, which smells like an enchanting mix of sweat, saliva, blood and sperm. Similar to Vulva, Secretion Magnifiques was designed for sexual arousal. According to its site, the fragrance is an “ode to the pinnacle of sexual pleasure, that extraordinary moment when desire triumphs over reason.” Reviewers on Fragrantica.com confirmed that the cologne is true to its scent. One wrote, “Truly and utterly repulsive but nevertheless an intriguing smell,” and another, “It really made me think of something disgusting, like an old condom thrown out of a car’s window at night time and now rotting in the sun, maybe with some insects all around.” For 69 Euros (equivalent to about $97 USD), this scent could be yours from the Paris based perfumery, Etat Libre D’Orange.