Human beings are weird. We have strange habits, but generally we have the common sense to keep them to ourselves. That is why it is necessary for everyone to have a little “me time” on a regular basis. There are just some things that need to be done, and can only be done alone.
Women especially like to keep certain grooming and personal hygiene habits private. We also don’t need everyone to know how much time we spend on certain routines. Why spoil the illusion that we “woke up like this”? Beyond grooming, there are always going to be random things that women enjoy that men would just never understand, and vice versa. And there is nothing wrong with that. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus after all. Here are 15 things weird things women love to do in private.
15. Obsess over EVERY. SINGLE. HAIR
Hair removal is a huge part of every woman’s grooming repertoire. We have to worry about plucking our eyebrows, staying on top of the bikini line situation, shaving our legs every other day, shaving our armpits every day, keeping an eye on the inevitable upper lip hairs that we swear are getting darker, and is that a toe hair? Since when do I get toe hairs? This is all on top of making sure the most important hair – the hair on our heads – is doing what it is supposed to.
14. Experiment with Nail Art
Sometimes we get bored with simply painting our nails one colour. That’s boring! Beach season is coming and we want a cute pedicure with tiny little stars, or baby hippos or something. But that doesn’t mean we want to fork over $30 to get it. How hard can it be? Cue the Youtube tutorial video and we’re all set.
13. Cry While Watching a Movie That Isn’t Even Sad
Sometimes we just need a good cry, and there is nothing wrong with that. If we are in the right mood, something as neutral as Angels in the Outfield could render us a blubbering mess. The worst is when our roommate walks in finding us surrounded by used Kleenex, red-faced, and sniffling, asks us what we are watching, and all we can say is, “The Angels won the game all on their ooooown,” before dissolving into a fit of happy sobs.
12. Stalking via Social Media
There is no point in denying it, we all engage in a little good old fashion social media stalking every once in awhile. Whether it is an ex boyfriend, the co-worker you hate, or old acquaintances from high school, idle internet time will inevitably lead to the endless black hole of clicking that is Facebook. “He’s friends with her?” we might exclaim in horror. “Her hair cut makes her look like Justin Bieber circa 2009,” we think, and make a mental note to show our roommate later.
11. Dance in Front of the Mirror
There are some dance moves that we reserve for those special times when a song we are embarrassed to like comes on Songza, and even if we are only half dressed, we can’t help busting a move. Some songs just have that unique ability to inspire dance moves that would put Usher to shame. And who hasn’t wondered what they look like while doing the sprinkler? Oh, that’s just me? Anyway, moving on…
10. Eat a Leftover Muffin For Dinner
We might pretend we are all healthy and committed to a balanced diet, but sometimes the thought of cooking, or even just venturing out to pick something up, is so unappealing that we will settle for pretty much whatever is there. The muffin we picked up at Starbucks two days ago but never got around to eating will do. We won’t admit it though. If anyone asks, we whipped up a grilled chicken and broccoli stir fry, and it was just delightful.
9. Look at Pictures of Wedding Dresses
What? You don’t have to be engaged, or even dating anyone significant in order to look at pictures of wedding dresses. It is no different from looking at winter coats online in the spring. We might need one ONE day, so what’s wrong with being prepared? Don’t worry, most of us will stop short of actually ordering the perfect strapless, lace dress that just happens to be on sale, in our size… because that would be crazy.
8. Try on Everything in Our Closet
Whether we have a hot date or a big job interview, not knowing what to wear comes with the territory of being a woman. No one wants to be scrambling at the last minute to put together an outfit, so we’ll set aside some time to test out a few combinations and figure out which one gives off the vibe we are going for. A big event isn’t the only thing that calls for an impromptu fashion show either. Spring cleaning fashion shows are a must. Every woman has a few things in her closet she forgot were there, and she absolutely cannot throw something out without trying it on one last time to be sure.
7. Talk to Ourselves
This probably isn’t just a thing women do, but who hasn’t actually had the occasional chat with themselves when they are sure they are alone? Sometimes thinking in our heads just isn’t as satisfying as saying the words out loud. It could be, “He didn’t do the dishes, again. I’m going to kill him.” Or just the occasional curse word when we burn our neck with the curling iron again.
6. Sing Taylor Swift at the Top of Our Lungs
Or One Direction. Or Katy Perry. Or Rihanna. Or Marilyn Manson. We all have our guilty music pleasures that we probably keep in a special private folder on iTunes, and when no one is around we will belt it out like we are auditioning for the next season of American Idol. Also, sometimes those catchy songs just get in our heads, even if we don’t particularly like them, and the only way to get them out is to listen to them REALLY LOUD. That’s perfectly logical.
5. Really Let Loose
That’s right, women have gas too. And we have to let it out just as badly as men do. We just prefer to do it in private where no one else has to be subjected to the unpleasant smells of our bodily functions. If we are alone, we definitely won’t be holding back either. You won’t ever catch us trying to light our farts on fire though. Teenage boys can keep that one.
4. Analyze Text Messages
In front of others, we might casually glance at a text from the guy we are seeing, but in private we will read it in depth looking for even the most hidden of meanings. We could even be capable of writing a 15-page Ph.D thesis on a 5 minute text conversation we had with a guy, depending on the topic. What does “K” mean? What does “K, smiley face” really mean?! Usually we will come to our senses and realize K is just a short form for OK, which is not exactly worthy of crisis mode.
3. Eat a Week’s Worth of Calories in One Sitting
Guys aren’t the only ones who can eat like the world is ending tomorrow. Give us a lazy Sunday, a Netflix show to binge on, sweatpants, and no where to be, and we can put away the junk food like you wouldn’t believe. We try to not make this a regular occurrence, but there is nothing wrong with indulging every once in awhile, right? Emotionally, there isn’t much a pizza and an entire box of Oreos can’t cure. We’ll hit the gym tomorrow, promise.
2. Take 20 Selfies For Every One That We Share
Selfies are not easy. Getting the right angle, complete with perfect lighting, and the right ratio of face to cleavage is an art. We have figured out that the best way to get at least one that is worthy of Instagram is to take 20 in rapid succession. One of them is bound to catch us at that perfect moment, and it is a lot faster than taking one, examining it, adjusting, taking another, and the cycle continues.
1. Examine Our Skin Religiously
Having perfect skin is a dream that most women never get to experience. There is always some sort of blemish to obsess over. Whether it is a random dry patch, an awkward tan line, or a throbbing pimple, we will try everything to fix it, and/or conceal it. If we know we have an obvious skin imperfection we will constantly have to check it in the mirror and make sure it hasn’t gotten worse. The chase for a flawless complexion is never ending, and we will try every cream, gel, and face mask out there to achieve it.