By now, holiday gifts, parcels and packages have been opened—for better or worse—and exchanges and refunds processed. Besides birthdays and anniversaries, winter celebrations include more gift exchanges than any other holidays, worldwide.
There’s one kind of package, however, that’s opened every day to the delight of women and men all over the world: the metaphorical package of the ever-mysterious male genitalia.
Through all its scrutiny and biased analysis, fair or not, the proverbial male package is most often judged for quality and appeal based solely on member size. Of course, visual assessment of size is the easiest and most obvious criteria for judgment, albeit no guarantee of equally supreme performance.
Much like celebrity females are frivolously ranked for sexiness based on the size and shape of their breasts and butts, famous men bear the burden of their virility being evaluated by the size of their package. And like women, some flaunt their blessings, while others remain demure. Here we have a list of 11 male celebs who have sex tapes proving or are rumored to be among the most well endowed in Hollywood.
11. Jay Z
Beyonce has more reasons to smile and one blessing that she’s openly paid tribute to is her husband Jay Z‘s equipment and his mastery of it. While Bey‘s praise is typically full of double entendres and metaphors, sex tape peddler Carmen Bryan who claims she’s got incriminating film of her and Jay Z is much more graphic in her description of the body part, comparing it to a giraffe’s neck and a 20 ounce Pepsi bottle. Maybe it’s time to rejuvenate the old Pepsi slogan from 1950, “More Bounce to the Ounce.”
10. Tommy Lee
Long before everyone owned a video camera and even longer before releasing tapes of private sexual liaisons was considered in the poorest of taste, Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson made history with the publication of their coitus captured on film. Anderson’s assets were widely known from previous exposure, so Lee’s large endowment became the star of the show. Although that package was opened over 16 years ago in 1998 and many tapes have followed, it remains the most famous sex tape of all time.
9. Chris Brown
Never accused of being shy or modest, Brown is as proud of his big tool as he is of his latest R&B musical release. His fondness for naked selfies makes it easy for curious voyeurs to see the anomaly from a hundred angles in as many phases of excitement and time outs with a simple Internet image search. Since current squeeze Karrueche Tran reportedly punished him for lack of respect a few months back by withholding sex, Brown had a lot of free time to perfect his online sexual persona.
8. Michael Fassbender
Fassbinder’s impressive tool box has been publicly mentioned many times, most notably by George Clooney who compared his buddy’s endowment to a golf club at the Golden Globe Awards in 2012. But most recently Fassbinder’s junk came up in the highly publicized “leaked” Sony conversations when Columbia (a Sony studio) president of production Michael DeLuca was discussing the possible casting of Fassbinder in a biopic of Steve Jobs. The executive advised passing on Fassbinder after seeing his performance in the movie Shame, noting the actor “just makes you feel bad to have normal-sized male genitalia.”
7. David Beckham
In the 2002 movie Bend It Like Beckham, the title refers to famous soccer player David Beckham‘s tremendous ability to score from free kicks by “bending” the ball past a barrier of defenders. But in the past 12 years, Beckham has become more famous for his sizeable package that seems large enough to bend judging from the H&M ad campaigns Beckham has done wearing nothing more than snug-fitting underwear. Contented wife Victoria quelled the rumors of photo tampering with the comment, “It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!” Husband David just smiles at these most personal inquiries.
6. Jon Hamm
Mad Men superstar Jon Hamm dresses just the opposite of his character off screen, preferring drawstring pants and t-shirts. Oh, and he’s not a big fan of underwear, so the casual attire leaves little (bad word choice) to the imagination. Paparazzi shots often diss the rest of the very attractive man, often shooting pics from the waist down. Hamm once commented, “They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason… But whatever, I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.” And many appreciate him sharing his endowment for all to see.
5. Ray J
Ray J probably never dreamed his raunchy sex video with Kim Kardashian would be hailed by many as his most memorable accomplishment. Kardashian used the indiscretion as a springboard to gain fame and is still running with it. Ray J got the “exposure” he needed to validate his package size with the film and wrote an odious song about the tryst, leaving fans wondering, “Is that all he is?”
4. Jared Leto
Mainly known for bringing brilliant life to offbeat roles in My So Called Life, Chapter 27 (about John Lennon‘s killer Mark David Chapman) and Dallas Buyers Club, as well as his sexy androgynous looks, Leto‘s supersized manhood is almost as famous as his acting talents. He doesn’t talk about it much but past girlfriends always smile when asked to comment on the appendage and as one ex Corina Taylor so delicately stated, “Jared was the most I ever had to work with.” ‘Nuf said.
3. Robin Thicke
As his song with T.I. and Pharrell Williams Blurred Lines insinuated, Thicke’s past year has been full of a lot of personal upheavals like the break-up of his 20-year plus relationship with Paula Patton. But when it comes to the dimensions of his disco stick, the consensus is clear. While physical attributes can’t buy love, that kind of window dressing can’t hurt in catching the interest of the ladies. According to MadameNoir.com, estranged wife Patton said, “Robin’s like, ‘Listen, if I’m, you know, in the Miami Heat’s locker room, I don’t know where I stand,’ but I think that the statement is fairly accurate!”
2. Liam Neeson
It’s amazing that Neeson‘s full frontal nudity in the 1991 film Under Suspicion didn’t get more attention, especially since such exposure in mainstream was virtually unheard of 14 years ago. In her 2004 autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty, supermodel Janice Dickinson wrote of Neeson’s manhood, “He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out. It was insane!” With over 104 credits on his resume ranging from super hero roles to his Oscar winning lead in Schindler’s List and the heroic father in the Taken movies, Neeson rarely mentions his personal assets, safely assuming they can speak for themselves.
1. Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy has enjoyed a long career as a stand-up comic and movie actor but he’s almost as famous for being caught in compromising positions with ladies – and men impersonating ladies – as he is for his performances. The bold, outspoken Murphy was best known early on for his foul language and off-color humor but never bragged about his magic wand. According to Gary Griffin, author of Penis Size and Enlargement, Murphy is known to be very well endowed.