If it seems as if everyone has tried online dating, you’re not alone. According to a study done by Pew Research Center, 11% of American adults—and 38% of those who are currently “single and looking” for a partner—have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. The general public’s attitudes towards online dating have become much more positive in recent years, and now with social networking sites playing a prominent role when it comes to navigating and assisting romantic relationships, online dating usage is at an all-time high.
To gain a little insight into what makes people tick when it comes to online dating, here are ten secrets to the phenomenon and why you aren’t truly picking your “perfect match.”
10. Your Profile Isn’t What It Should Be
A professor of Women’s Health and Clinical Epidemiology at the Queen May University of London School of Medicine and Dentistry, named Khalid Khan, poured through 86 studies to find out why he wasn’t lucky in love and found out that his profile on dating sites was one of the main problems.
Users who chose screen names starting with letters toward the beginning of the alphabet got more clicks than those who used screen names that started with the last part of the alphabet. So, if your name starts with the letters, A-M, you have a great shot at being noticed. Now to the profile picture. For women who wore red, they received more attention from men then if they wore any other color. Also, if your profile picture is a group shot with friends, you have a better chance for someone to click on your profile and look through it. It’s as easy as a click here and a click there to write up a very impressive dating profile. About 95% of what is written is exaggerated and everyone lies about salary, job, living conditions, hobbies, weight, body mass, and some even put a fake picture up, just to get people’s attention.
9. Being Selective
When you post on a free site, the quality of the people you are choosing from may not be those who put relationships at a priority in their lives. You therefore are not ending up with a compatible mate. According to Dr. John G. Kappa, PhD whose book, Relationship Strategies: The E&P Attraction, we all have an equal and opposite compatible match. Everyone should be aware of characteristics that we are attracted to and also characteristics that we aren’t attracted too. This is why we may be constantly picking the completely “wrong” partner.
8. Trust Your Gut
Here is the complete truth: your intuition, your gut will NEVER be wrong. So if someone looks good on paper, but in person you aren’t feeling it, the attraction is not there, and the conversation fizzled out, believe what your gut is telling you: this person is NOT the one. Move on and let it go. So many times we doubt ourselves and we talk ourselves into believing that something is good when it’s far from being good for us. There is someone for everyone, that saying is true, but don’t cut yourself short and lower your standards, values and compatibility just to end up in a relationship.
7. Matching Algorithms Don’t Work
To date, there is no compelling evidence that any online dating matching algorithm actually works, therefore, its all about a guessing game. If people claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away? Finding a partner is not like finding a new car or a new pair of jeans. You can’t simply wake up one morning, say to yourself, “I need a husband or wife,” and then look through thousands of models until you find the right one.
6. Market Yourself
If you want more dates, the simple thing to remember is that you are your own brand. Yes, even with online dating. Too many people focus on likes and dislikes, and overestimate the value of these. When it comes to sustaining a relationship, your love for hiking or street fairs, isn’t going to matter. Instead, think about the qualities that matter to you and that should matter to your partner. You’re marketing yourself and you show that through highlighting your core characteristics. What will make you a great girlfriend or a great boyfriend? Why should someone date you over someone else? Those are the questions you should really be asking yourself.
5. Sending Messages
Too many times people respond to messages as if they are going on a job interview or they are just filled with hellos. If you get a lot of messages where the conversation isn’t going anywhere, start with an open-ended question, or mention an interest or two, to get the conversation started. If you are a guy, don’t just tell her that she is beautiful or if you are a woman, don’t just tell him that you are into sports. Also, don’t use messaging to bring up sex. If that is all you are looking for, then online dating isn’t for you. Online dating to supposed to be a place where you can meet like-minded people who you are hoping can be a life-long partner.
4. To Get More Dates
The point of online dating is to get offline, it’s not to get to know someone better by having a lengthy conversation online just to see if you attract. You really can’t do that online. All relationships take time, effort and energy to work. So just because you can “casually” date with the help of online dating, doesn’t mean that you should be there in the first place. If you want more dates, you need to get yourself out there, period. Body Language makes up for 55 percent of the total impact of whatever your message you are sending is going to be. Without seeing how a person is reacting and just going on their “words” the entire evaluation of who a person truly is, is being lost in the process.
3. Lies, Lies and More Lies
What all these online dating sites have in common is that the most crucial information is not collected:
A- Individual characteristics of each partner which include personalities, attitudes and if each partner is relatively stable. B- Quality of interactions – This can only be measured in person, not online. This includes how well the couple will communicate and also support each other. C- Unforeseen Circumstances: This includes stress, financial problems, cultures, family issues, etc.
If you already have NOT been successful with women or men, outside the internet, what makes you believe that you will be successful because you are using a popular dating site? New research from The Pew Research Center indicates that internet dating websites offer several benefits to singles seeking companionship, but generally do not improve the odds of finding a lifelong partner or a healthy long-term relationship.
2. Break The System
Two Words: Choice Overload. This is where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. This is why getting more dates online, starts to get complicated, you wonder about all the other possible candidates.
Some people constantly find themselves going on bad dates and more than 25 percent of all subscribers stop using their profile altogether. Also, people who are more flexible about their dating criteria, are the people who break the system and in fact date more than others.
1. Check Your Expectations At The Door
Don’t start online dating thinking that you are about to meet your soul-mate and that you will fall head over heels at first sight. Stay curious as to who people are and get to know each person you date, but don’t make a commitment to just one person too quickly. Dating should be fun and flirty. You have to remind yourself that you have nothing to lose by meeting someone for an hour in a public place and having a conversation. That’s how you learn who you are attracted to and who you aren’t. Don’t start stressing about it, thinking, “Will he/she like me?” Or worse yet, avoid going out on dates because you fear rejection.