One of the most basic and primitive functions as a living being, everyone, from the little birds in the trees to your neighbors down the street, has sex. While animals tend to favor intercourse solely for reproductive purposes, we enjoy it because it feels great and it makes you closer with your sweetheart. Well, you think it feels great. Your memory is a little foggy because it’s been so long.
You don’t have to be the world’s hottest Casanova to get someone into bed. In fact, if you’re dripping with cheesy one-liners, you’re probably more likely to repel your target than draw them in and bring them home for the night. This applies to both men and women. A pickup line or two can be cute, flirty, and even charming, but if you’re robotically spitting them out or don’t know what to say past that great line you read on the Internet or heard from your buddy, you’ll probably be alone for the night.
Of course, it’s not just single people that aren’t having enough sex. Many think that just because you’re in a relationship that you’re guaranteed to regularly get some, but that’s not always the case. A lack of sex is a lack of sex whether you’re committed to someone or not. Landing your love object is as much about what you say as what you do. If you’re suffering a dry spell that has gone on for too long, you may want to reexamine your behavior for next time.
10. You’re Not Trying Enough
Your friends have to cajole you to get you to go to the bar, and even then, you’re more interested in catching up on the latest news headlines or watching the game while enjoying some drinks. Perhaps you think that acting as aloof and uninterested as possible will have all the guys or girls flocking to you.
Instead, you tend to watch as your buddies go home with someone and once again you return to your apartment or house for a night of Netflix binging by yourself. While being nonchalant is a great tactic to approach a potential conquest, there’s a difference between being cool about it all and not caring whether you have sex or not. Chances are, you fall into the latter category.
9. You’re Trying Too Hard
However, if you think that you’re not making enough of an effort to chat up people you see at a bar, you can take solace in the fact that there are some pub crawlers that are even worse at getting laid than you are. These are the ones that just reek of desperation. You can smell them from a mile away, and most people who value themselves even a little keep plenty of distance.
These are the women wearing that low cut dress held up by double-sided tape or the dudes dressed in that power suit because they think that girls love the Christian Grey look. They’re smooth talkers to the point of fakeness. They have one mission, one agenda, and that’s to have sex with you or maybe one of your friends. These people also tend to go home alone.
8. You’ve Set Your Standards Too High
Magazines, other media, and yes, even adult films have shown us all what the perfect man and the perfect woman should look like. If you’re a guy, you need to have a six-pack yet be sensitive and have some facial scruff yet dress fashionably. If you’re a girl, you need to be slim yet impossibly curvy and look polished yet natural, so don’t overdo it on the makeup. Adult entertainment has taught us all that you have to be a sex superstar too.
By believing in these impractical perceptions, you’re going to end up lonely, disappointed, or both. You’ll bring people back to your place only to find out that they don’t live up to the ridiculous expectations that you’ve set. Eventually, you’ll be bitter. If this sounds like you to a T, it’s time to reevaluate your beliefs.
7. You’re Not Picky Enough
We’ve all been there once or twice. You’ve spent the entire night scouring the bar or club for the hottest men or women, and yet you’ve struck out time and again. Undeterred by the rejections (which is a good thing, by the way), you keep pressing on. However, last call is rapidly approaching, and the later it gets, the more people that are clearing out.
Finally, by the time the lights go back on, you’re left with only a smattering of options, and none of them would look great without beer goggles. They’re as frantic and horny as you are, so you two have that in common at least. Settling for whomever has a pulse by the end of the night makes you a sexual scavenger of sorts. You can definitely, definitely do better than that.
6. Your Roommates or Pet
In a perfect world, everyone would graduate from college, find a fantastic job, and get their own place. However, the world is very much imperfect, and a lot of young singles and even those in relationships don’t have the most ideal living situations. Those that are back at home with their parents will have the trickiest time getting laid. Roommates can also pose a problem if they’re ever-present or can’t take a hint.
Believe it or not, even your pet can impede your sexual progress. One minute you’re getting hot and heavy, and the next, your new sexual partner realizes that your cat is perched on the headboard and has been watching you two the whole time. It can creep people out, as can overeager dogs. It’s best to keep Fifi and Fido out of the room if you want some alone time.
5. You Don’t Go to the Right Places to Meet People
Internet dating is great. It really is. It allows you to meet others that live a few towns over that you never would have connected with otherwise. However, it can also be a crutch for some. Let’s be totally honest: if you go on a dating site looking just for sex, a lot of users are going to think that you’re skeevy and perverted and decide to pass you up.
If your sex life consists of too many regular solo sessions, it’s time to get out and meet others the old-fashioned way. Even today, people still go to bars. If you are chatting with possible companions through a dating site, augment the experience by leaving your house or apartment on weekends and hitting on that cute man or woman sitting over in the corner sipping a drink. You now have twice the pool of potential partners.
4. You Don’t Stop Talking Once You’ve Sealed the Deal
Charisma can get you far in life both professionally and personally. However, there’s a difference between naturally possessing verbal charm and faking it for the sake of getting in someone’s pants. There’s nothing wrong with trying the latter for a night, but you have to know when to be quiet.
If you’ve finally got that hot man or woman to agree to go back to your place, you don’t have to keep trying quite so hard. It’s finally time to deliver. You should be electric with anticipation, not continually chattering your partner’s ear off. If you do talk too much, your conquest may get back to your place and suddenly remember that they have a work meeting early tomorrow even if you two are together on a Friday night.
3. Your Place Is a Dump
Speaking of your place, the goal is to get your sweetie there. It’s entirely possible that some people may spend so much time dressing nicely, trying on different perfumes or colognes, and practicing their pickup lines in front of a mirror that they forget to give their home or apartment a thorough cleaning and vacuuming before heading out to the bar or club.
Honestly, nothing kills the mood faster than random, unidentifiable odors or visible garbage and clutter scattered and overflowing everywhere. If you’re not the neatest person in the world, then just sweep your stuff into one pile in another room or cram it into the closet for a night. At least give off the illusion that you care about the cleanliness of your home.
2. You Don’t Take Care of Yourself
If you’re the type of person who lets messes accumulate with little regard, then you’re probably likely to avoid concentrating much on taking the best care of yourself. Whether you’re busy with work, hobbies, or something else that takes up your time, you never get around to scheduling that haircut, going shopping, or hitting the gym.
For your own benefit, you need to make some lifestyle changes, especially if you hit the junk and fast food drive-thru hard. These shifts alone will help you attract sexual partners. Also, please make sure that you don’t leave for the night without taking care of some basic hygiene like brushing your hair, taking a shower, putting on deodorant, and keeping a few breath mints stashed in your purse or back pocket.
1. You’re Not Confident
You could be the most attractive man or woman in the world, but if you feel like you’re unappealing, you could continually end up empty-handed when you seek out someone to have sex with. While everyone has something about themselves that they’re not crazy about, you have to focus on what you do like and play up those features. If you’re not naturally confident, pretend that you are and eventually acting that way will become second nature.
Feeling good about yourself helps you in a number of ways. Regardless of looks, confident people are sexy and sure to get the kind of attention that could end up in bed. Secondly, if you really like yourself, rejection bounces off of you. Instead of sitting around the bar for the rest of the night sulking and taking it personally, you can continue talking with someone else, increasing your chances of having sex.