It’s that of year again. The time of year when the best and brightest girls each state has to offer are shoved on stage in what is increasingly seen as a celebration of America’s deeply entrenched misogyny. Miss America certainly doesn’t disappoint, bringing us fun facts from all the girls that danced and sang for the entertainment of the patriarchy.
And keep in mind, these are the facts that the women wanted to share on national television. Just imagine the fun facts they didn’t want to share.
Let’s take a look at some of the more shining examples, shall we?
8. Miss Alabama
7. Miss District Of Columbia
Survey says: this is a bizarre fact that really is only any fun if she won. More fun facts: Steve Harvey hosts the Miss Universe pageant, providing yet another Family Feud connection.
6. Miss Louisiana
Louisiana is actually full of talents. Not only is she a self-taught yodeling prodigy, she’s also a talented ventriloquist. Sadly, the video does not show her puppets yodeling while she recites all 50 states.
5. Miss New Jersey
Well, we suppose with her being from New Jersey, this “eating fire” talent probably comes in handy. We wonder if fire is low in calories? It seems to be working for her as a diet choice.
4. Miss Pennsylvania
As like any accomplished saxophonist, who wouldn’t dream of playing for Bruno Mars? Hopefully, this taping manages to find its way to his manager so she can become The Hooligan’s saxophonist after this Miss America thing is finally over.
3. Miss South Carolina
They all come from Area 51, Roswell as an inside job, and the government can read your minds unless you’re wearing tinfoil around your cranium. From what we’ve heard of South Carolina’s education system, none of this surprises us.
2. Miss Texas
First, approach your target with arms wide but in a non-threatening manner. Then wrap around the shoulder and under the right arm while tilting the head slightly left. Embrace and squeeze gently. If European or want to appear that way, kiss your target lightly on each cheek.
1. Miss Virginia
This really isn’t all that interesting. I’m sure everyone in Paris has fallen into the River Seine at one point or another. We hear there are even tours that end with falling into the river.
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