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Miss America 2017 Fun Facts Are Dumber Than Ever

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Miss America 2017 Fun Facts Are Dumber Than Ever

Via NY Daily News


It’s that of year again. The time of year when the best and brightest girls each state has to offer are shoved on stage in what is increasingly seen as a celebration of America’s deeply entrenched misogyny. Miss America certainly doesn’t disappoint, bringing us fun facts from all the girls that danced and sang for the entertainment of the patriarchy.

And keep in mind, these are the facts that the women wanted to share on national television. Just imagine the fun facts they didn’t want to share.

Let’s take a look at some of the more shining examples, shall we?

8. Miss Alabama

Miss Alabama

via Cosmo

I know the picture doesn’t show it, but she’s got legs the size of tree trunks. Hopefully, she gets that NCAA scholarship for next year.

7. Miss District Of Columbia

Miss DC

via Cosmo

Survey says: this is a bizarre fact that really is only any fun if she won. More fun facts: Steve Harvey hosts the Miss Universe pageant, providing yet another Family Feud connection.

RELATED: VANESSA WILLIAMS GETS APOLOGY FROM MISS AMERICA CEO

6. Miss Louisiana

Miss Louisiana

via Cosmo

Louisiana is actually full of talents. Not only is she a self-taught yodeling prodigy, she’s also a talented ventriloquist. Sadly, the video does not show her puppets yodeling while she recites all 50 states.

5. Miss New Jersey

Miss New Jersey

via Cosmo

Well, we suppose with her being from New Jersey, this “eating fire” talent probably comes in handy. We wonder if fire is low in calories? It seems to be working for her as a diet choice.

RELATED: PAGENT CONTSTANTS THAT BROKE STEREOTYPES

4. Miss Pennsylvania

Miss Pennsylvania

via Cosmo

As like any accomplished saxophonist, who wouldn’t dream of playing for Bruno Mars? Hopefully, this taping manages to find its way to his manager so she can become The Hooligan’s saxophonist after this Miss America thing is finally over.

3. Miss South Carolina

Miss South Carolina

via Cosmo

They all come from Area 51, Roswell as an inside job, and the government can read your minds unless you’re wearing tinfoil around your cranium. From what we’ve heard of South Carolina’s education system, none of this surprises us.

2. Miss Texas

Miss Texas

via Cosmo

First, approach your target with arms wide but in a non-threatening manner. Then wrap around the shoulder and under the right arm while tilting the head slightly left. Embrace and squeeze gently. If European or want to appear that way, kiss your target lightly on each cheek.

RELATED: THE BIGGEST BEAUTY PAGENT SCANDALS OF ALL TIME

1. Miss Virginia

Miss Virginia

via Cosmo

This really isn’t all that interesting. I’m sure everyone in Paris has fallen into the River Seine at one point or another. We hear there are even tours that end with falling into the river.

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