We are living in an incredible age. Our technology is constantly improving and making our lives easier. Our phones can help us get in contact with anyone in the world. We can type in any address and our phones will tell us how to get there–whether we’re driving, walking, or taking public transit. We can buy anything from almost any store, find the nearest locations and showtimes of any movie we want to see. We can make and edit videos and share them with the world in a matter of seconds. Apple and self-starters both are finding ways to make new apps that make our lives just a little bit easier.
But it bears saying that not every app was made for making our lives easier. A lot of apps today are just downright funny and even, yes, stupid. For instance, did you know that there’s an app that lets you play a game where you have to pop pimples? Or where you can race your friends to see who runs out of toilet paper faster? Literally no one asked for this, and yet, here we are, popping pimples on the subway and challenging our friends to a toilet paper race. And let’s face it, even if these apps aren’t useful and make your friends roll their eyes, you have to admit that they’re pretty fun. At the very least, they’re a conversation starter.
We’ve taken the liberty of finding the world’s most bizarre apps so that you don’t have to; next time you’re browsing the app store, see if you can find them!
15. Paper Race
There are a lot of weird games out there, but Paper Race is pretty high on the list. You play the game by scrolling over a roll of toilet paper, which will appropriately unravel until there’s no paper left on the roll. Yeah. Someone was that bored. And the fun doesn’t stop there–you can play by yourself or challenge your friends to a multiplayer game.
We hate to poo-poo technology (see what we did there?), but this really feels like one of those instances where we’re not sure why they invented an app when the real thing is just as easy. A waste of toilet paper, definitely, but it seems like it would be more satisfying than scrolling with your thumb. If you feel like trying it, it’s available on both iPhone and Android and is completely free. Like it? Love it? Hate it? Looking for someone to play with? Let us know!
14. Pimple Popper
In case racing toilet paper with your friends didn’t sound enticing enough, we found another game that might be more suited to your taste: Pimple Popper. There are actually several variations of this game, including Acne Popper, Zit Popper, and the long-awaited sequel, Pimple Popper 2–because one just wasn’t enough, apparently. In this game, jazzy music plays as you are shown an animated face, which you can then zoom in on; after zooming in enough to find a black spot, you keep zooming until you’re at the, for lack of a better term, head of the zit. You then use your fingers to “squeeze” the zit. Once you’ve popped it and nauseatingly realistic pus comes out of the head, you are awarded points and can continue popping zits. The animated face makes oddly erotic noises throughout the game, just in case you weren’t already grossed out enough. Pimple Popper is free on both iPhone and Android.
Out of all the bizarre apps, RunPee is probably the most useful. The app shows movies currently playing in theaters and their run-time. Users can offer their input to help the app find the best times for a user to go to the bathroom. These designated “pee times” are 3 to 5 minutes in length and don’t happen during any crucial plot twists, action, or particularly comedic moments. Users can see what other users have said about the “pee times”, and the app helpfully quotes the exact part in the film when users can go to the bathroom. For instance, if you’re going to see a movie, the app can tell you to go to the bathroom at the line “I always regretted leaving.” If you’re worried you won’t remember the line, you can set the app so that it vibrates when it’s time to pee. RunPee is free for both iPhone and Android.
12. Drunk Mode
We’ve all made embarrassing drunk dials before. Whether you called an ex, texted a family member, SnapChatted a crush, or even emailed your boss, we all know the feeling of waking up and thinking, “Oh no.” Drunk Mode makes sure that you don’t have that feeling–at least, not where your phone is concerned. You can set locks on your contacts (both phone and email) that last for up to twelve hours, and you can even replay your SnapChat messages from the night before so that you’ll remember what exactly you did.
Sure, the app won’t stop you from making a total and complete idiot of yourself, but at least you won’t be able to leave sobbing voicemails to your ex, and you won’t call or text your crush something so embarrassing that they lose all interest in you. The app’s developers are also working on a way to find an Uber or a Lyft in real time, as well as share information on clubs. Drunk Mode is free on both iPhone and Android.
11. Carrr Matey
You park your car in a crowded parking lot and go inside for a couple hours. By the time you leave, you’ve completely forgotten where you parked. If only you had an app to tell you where you left your car. Look no further, friends, because Carr Matey is here to help you. Simply mark your location on a map, and when it’s time to head out your map will guide you back to the car. There’s even a handy timer that will let you know when you need to put money in the meter. Unlike other parking apps, however, Carrr Matey is pirate themed! The map that takes you back to your “ship” is set up to look like a treasure map, and a scurvy voice will guide you back to your car. This is definitely a bizarre choice in themes, but users can’t stop raving about the nautical navigation. Carrr Matey is free on both iPhone and Android.
10. Melon Meter
Have you ever been at the store shopping for watermelons and thought, “Gee, if only there was a way I could use technology to test the ripeness of this watermelon?” You probably didn’t, because you probably aren’t a suburban mom. But in case you ever did, wonder no further, for Melon Meter is here. Melon Meter is an app that will detect the ripeness of your watermelon. As far as we can tell, it’s not a joke. Apparently someone, somewhere, has found a scientific way of using a phone to detect watermelon ripeness. Maybe a suburban mom who kept going to the store and saying, “Gee, if only there was a way I could use technology to test the ripeness of this watermelon.” Way to go, Brenda. We doubt anyone who’s below the age of forty is going to use this app, but just in case this sounds up your alley, you can buy the app for $2 on iPhone; no word yet on whether or not it will be made available on Android.
9. Places I’ve Pooped
Have you ever wished you had a record of all the places you’ve pooped? Ever thought, “Man, did I poop at this place?” Maybe you wanted to see how much of the world has been marked as your territory. Well, those days are over, because now you can use Places I’ve Pooped. This app functions like a regular GPS map, but instead of trying to find a destination, you can drop a pin at a place where you’ve done your business. It’s very simple to use: just click the “Bombs Away” button and you’re good to go. It’s sort of like checking in on Facebook, but instead of eating a delicious meal, you’re taking a dump. Maybe you’re doing both; maybe you checked in to the restaurant on Facebook and dropped a pin on Places I’ve Pooped. Sound disgusting? It totally is, but it’s a surprisingly popular app. At the very least, it’s something for you to do while you’re sitting in the can. If it’s taking a particularly long time, you can look at your map and feel a swell of pride when you look at all the places you’ve pooped. Places I’ve Pooped is free on iPhone and Android.
8. Ever Accountable
While not as fun as a map marked with the places you’ve pooped, Ever Accountable is still pretty out there. Based on a website, the Ever Accountable app is intended to help with a pornography addiction. You can use it as an individual, or parents can use it for their children. Pornography addiction can be a serious problem and we don’t mean to laugh, but we can also see how easy it would be for parents to use this to really crack down on their kids. Imagine being the kid who got caught one time and now his parents have installed an app to make sure he never sees an illicit boob ever again. The app will monitor the apps and websites you visit and at the end of each week send a report to the “accountability partners” of your choosing. If you’re an adult making a voluntary decision to do this, you can have a friend or loved one as your accountability partner, and knowing that they get a weekly summary of your activity is usually enough to make most people ease off the adult entertainment. If you’re a teenager, however, this now means that your parents get to see everything you do–whether or not you want them to. It’s a great idea in theory, but in practice, it’s probably getting crazy abused. The Ever Accountable app is free and available on Android and on iPhone as the Sunlight Browser.
A lot of us have no idea how we perform in the sack. Sure, your partner might say they enjoyed it, but what if they’re just trying to be polite? What if we’re not as good as we think we are? Fortunately, there’s an app for that. BedRabbit is an app that’s meant to monitor your sexual activity and let you know how you’re doing. The app (which is designated for those 18+, so use your judgment wisely) will score your performance based on intensity, rhythm, progression, diversity, artistic criteria, and the sounds you and your partner make. All you have to do is turn on the app and leave the phone on the bed (or wherever you’re doing it) when things are looking good and then check your score afterwards. Best (or worst) of all, you can share your score with your friends; whether you want to give them a good laugh or wow them, you can now thanks to BedRabbit! BedRabbit is $1.99 on iPhone
Have you ever said to yourself, “Self, I only want to date bearded men. Why won’t Tinder screen out the clean shaven ones?” If you have, you can delete Tinder, because now we have Bristlr. Bristlr is an app that works to match users based off of their, well, bristle. The Bristlr mission is, “Connecting those with beards to those who want to stroke beards.” If that isn’t an innuendo, we don’t know what is. So maybe you’re a girl looking for a bearded boyfriend. Maybe you’re a bearded guy looking for a cute girlfriend. Maybe you’re a bearded guy looking for another bearded guy. As long as there’s a beard in there, you can use Bristlr to find your ideal match. It works similarly to Tinder, but instead of only seeing one user at a time, you can see multiple users. You can “like” the ones you want to cuddle with, and if you match, you can message each other and try to meet up to make all your bearded fantasies come true. Bristlr is free on iPhone and Google Play.
5. Alert App
Out of all the weird apps on this list, Alert App is probably the most disturbing. Brace yourself. Alert App lets you know every time someone in the world dies. Yeah. It’s creepy. When a person dies, the app will make your phone send out a bloodcurdling shriek and the person’s name, age, and cause of death. You know, in case you were starting to miss your goth phase from 2007. You can share the death alert on Facebook and Twitter, and your phone’s background will automatically change to a childhood photo of the person. Yeah. Additionally, the app allows you to see a live stream of the funeral, home videos of the deceased person’s life, and interviews (if any) with the bereaved. You can even leave comments, in case you didn’t feel involved enough already. The app is available for .99 cents on iTunes and is iPad compatible. No word on Android availability.
We’ve all thought about napping at work before. Whatever your job, you’ve probably looked at a pile of papers or napkins or folded clothes and thought they looked tempting. Unfortunately, napping at work is frowned upon by most employers. As nice as it would be to pass out on top of the quarterly reports, you know that that’s a sure way to get fired, no matter how tempting it is to take a nap in your cubicle. The iNap@Work app was made just for this occasion. People who work in cubicles or other work areas with obstructed views can activate the app and take a nap when they’re supposed to be working. The app makes the sound of keyboards clicking, papers being stapled, scissors cutting paper, and a person clearing they’re throat, and meanwhile, your coworkers have no idea you’re sleeping. It also has a timer so that you can wake yourself up from your nap before you snooze the day away. The app is free on iTunes.
3. Lick This
Going down on your girl isn’t easy. It’s a skill set that requires time, devotion, energy, and above all, enthusiasm. Not everyone has what it takes to go downtown–but you could be one of the lucky ones after using Lick This. Lick This does exactly what you think it does: it helps you master the art of oral sex. Accessed via your mobile browser, the site leads you through a series of exercises to make your tongue stronger–it is, after all, a muscle. The exercises include Up n’ Down, where the user tries to flick a light switch on and off as quickly as possible, Circles, where the user tries to move the handle of a mechanical pencil sharpener as quickly as possible, and Freestyle, where the user uses their tongue to bat at a beach ball. Whether you’re practicing on your phone or doing it for real, we recommend you use a dental dam; your phone screen is actually dirtier than a toilet seat, and you should always practice safe sex. Lick This is free and accessible on any mobile browser.
2. Watching Cute Girl
If you’re too lonely to use Lick This but still want a girlfriend, and maybe you’re also missing your Tamagotchi, we suggest you look at this Japanese app. Watching Cute Girl is just that: a cute girl who, well, watches you. She doesn’t really do anything, just stares and blinks at you. Occasionally she’ll offer you a virtual hug or say something charming, but we can only imagine that it’s far from charming and actually super creepy. Why anyone would want this app is beyond us; even for the super lonely, this seems way too creepy to be appealing. Creepy, and sad. The app makers recommend using the app whenever you’re feeling lonely, such as eating by yourself; they also suggest that she will warm up to you with time. She will respond to your voice and call you “Kobayashi” upon launching. You know, just in case the concept wasn’t creepy enough. The app is free on iTunes and can be used in both English and Japanese.
1. Kawaii Assistant
Just in case Watching Cute Girl wasn’t creepy enough for you, we found Kawaii Assistant. The name is a little misleading because Suki Yamamoto isn’t much of an assistant. In fact, she doesn’t do anything remotely assistive–rather, you have to work to keep Suki happy. The app features a video of a real woman playing your assistant, Suki. To her left is a mood meter. The meter will rise when she is happy and fall when she is unhappy. Three icons to the right show the three different functions you can use with Suki. You can make her react by blowing into the microphone or poking the screen. You can also play Rock, Paper, Scissors with Suki, and use the memo function to take actual memos. She can give you advice similar to a Magic 8 ball, and if she’s in a bad mood you can give her a cake or kimono to make her happy. It’s incredibly weird, but in case you feel like giving it a spin, it’s free on iTunes and comes in English.
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